Guest Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 Sure, the husband should do at least some house chores. Otherwise he will likely not appreciate the work of his wife. Maybe I should have had my wife take part of the bar exam for me or cover some of my hearings for me. Otherwise, she will likely not appreciate my work. Link to post Share on other sites
strongj Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 In my opinion its a load of crap that the working half has to get up at the crack of dawn, commute, deal with whatever during the work day, then do it all in reverse only to come home and have to clean house. moreso when there is someone there all day. There is no reason that the breadwinner should have to do the routine chores, like washing dishes, cooking dinner and laundry, someone had all day to get that done. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 I think it's only fair that if he put in a full day to provide for me and the family, so should I provide a nice home life for him and the family, for as long as we have this arrangement. But housework, no matter how "menial" the domestic tasks may seem, should be considered equal to a paying profession, hour for hour, no matter how much you could pay someone else to do it for. Neither of us should have any sense of entitlement about either money or chores being done. I do have a reasonable expectation that the bills get paid, like he can expect the chores to be done. But him expecting to be waited on hand and foot when he's home would be akin to me expecting an extravagant personal shopping allowance. It would be taking advantage of the partnership... unless its been discussed and agreed upon. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Well said, Magda. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Touche Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 In many of the comments it seems that there are assessments about what is fair and what is not fair, or about whether one persons job is harder than anothers. I believe most would agree as a starting point, that both partners time should be valued equally. Second, unless there is an agreement otherwise, it makes sense that the partner that has a higher earning potential would be the one working on the outside world. Based on the assumption that both partners time is equally valued, then the stay at home partner should spend an equal amount of time doing house chores (and indeed that includes cleaning up the working partners mess) as the working partner spends earning a living (50% which goes to the stay at home partner). Once again the working partner literally spends half their time working for their partners benefit, why is it so unfair that the stay at home partner would spend some time cleaning the working partners mess? If early in a marriage, the stay at home partner spends over 8 hours a day taking care of children and cleaning, then by all means the working partner should help. Totally agree with your answer! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Touche Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 Maybe I should have had my wife take part of the bar exam for me or cover some of my hearings for me. Otherwise, she will likely not appreciate my work. Point well taken. And I agree with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Touche Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 My wife stays at home with our son, and we believe in division of labor. She doesn't come to my office, draft pleadings, and conduct hearings at the court. Similarly, I don't do laundry. That doesn't mean that I do not pick up after myself; that would just be rude. But, we maintaint the division of labor. That sounds very equitable to me! Link to post Share on other sites
DreOh6 Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 If a woman is a stay at home wife/mother, she needs to have that damned house spic and span. The only tasks left for her husband to do should be spending time with the kids and eating. Being a stay at home wife/mother is a privilege that many women want but most don't wont ever have the luxury to have. If you have it, appreciate it; or it can be gone. Link to post Share on other sites
KonRyuu Posted February 26, 2006 Share Posted February 26, 2006 My wife and I have had this argument OVER and OVER, lol. I work, she's a stay-at-home wife. I've argued that she should do all house work because I'm busting my ass 40 hrs. a week, even if a wife does clean 2 hrs. a day, she's still only working a total of what, 14 hrs. a week, which is less than half of a 40 an hr. work week. I think that if the wife asks you to help with something, it should not be a problem, but for the most part, if she is not working and just sitting at home on her arse all day, she can clean. Even when I had room mates, the one not working did all the cleaning and house duties, it should be no different with a marriage, you should come to an agreement however, to avoid confrontation over the matter as my wife and I have learned to do. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't clean up after yourself or get your wife something if she needs it. Man, when my wife's sick, I do everything, I make her arse stay in bed all day and I do everything until she's better. Of course she does do some things on her own, as she can't just sit there while I'm at work and not eat or clean up after herself. Link to post Share on other sites
skinut2234 Posted February 26, 2006 Share Posted February 26, 2006 I have to put my 2 cents in since this is an issue in my house.... In my house (10 years married) 3 kids- 2 in school.... I do prob 75% of all the housework.. I work full time- she stays at home...... Part of the issue is- nothing phases her- She does not care if the house is messy- I, on the other hand do and often come home from work and start doing chores.... When she sees me mopping floor or dishes- she will just say, "leave it"- I'll get to it later- (which could her 2 days)- This often results in a fight just because we have different standards... To her- it's good enough and she actually gets mad at me for cleaning - but I say to her (it bothers me and needs to be done....I'm embarrassed when the neighbors come over!) Is it too much to ask to keep things neat??? This is in addition to all the other things I'm "Expected" to do like all the outside work, garage, shoveling, cars, etc etc,,,,- That what gets me upset..... It always seems like the man is "expected" to do all the heavy duty chores (which is fine by me)- I accept these duties 100% as my own...... But when it comes to her keeping the house clean- I could never say those are a "woman's duties"- she would pack my bags and leave them on the porch... Even if I help her (which I have no issue doing) don't misunderstand. I'm all for team approach and there is nothing I will not do- But in my case- I don't see an effort on her side and if I bring it up- I'm the bad guy...... Link to post Share on other sites
MusicWoman Posted February 26, 2006 Share Posted February 26, 2006 I think that a stay at home wife should be doing the stuff around the house. Yes, it is a partnership...and the husband is working 40 hours a week to keep the house over your head, so especially when its just two people living together it would take hardly any time at all to keep the house clean! The working husband though shouldn't take advantage of this by being as messy as possible though. Its a different story when your a stay at home mom. The husband is working 40 hours a week at the job, during those same hours the wife is working raising their child. Teaching them things before school starts, feeding them, changing them, maybe trying to make some lunch while the baby falls asleep for a half an hour. And when the children get older and they start playing with toys that get left everywhere, and making messes, all of a sudden there is so much more to clean around the house. I think that the stay at home mom should get enough housework done within reason while raising children at home, but that it shouldn't be EXPECTED of her to have all of the housework done. It does not seem entirely fair that even though the husband is working 40 hour a week, which is a significant amount of time, that the stay at home mom works 24/7. The husband should help out with little things that need to be done, and not complain about it, because a marraige is a partnership. As soon as you set specific jobs, set in stone, things won't work as well...have guidelines with flexibilty Link to post Share on other sites
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