One big game?

[WorldTraveler]

Is it just me or has it felt like dating has turned into one giant game with a ton of contradictory rules that are put out there from both sexes? I never remember dating being this hard 8-10 years ago. Now it's like I'm always uncertain of the moves I make because I fear saying or doing the wrong thing based on past experiences both good and bad. This then results in sometimes not being my true self, then evolving into confusion and having my confidence taking a hit after a while resulting in a frustrating cycle. Play it cool, but show interest, but also don't show too much too soon or they'll lose interest. Whether its power moves or texting games I just feel like dating has become such a chore over the last few years and just isn't as fun as it once was in my 20's. Sometimes almost feels like if you don't do everything right there's minimal room for error and chances are your date is on to the next given the giant pool of options with everyone just looking for the next best thing.... Not sure if anyone else shares the same sentiments but damn sometimes it just really sucks. 

[Sony12]

You have to remember people have a lot more options now than they used to as they can just hop online and find people to talk to. That right there is going to make people a little more picky than they probably should be.

Also blind dating (which is essentially what online dating is) is a pretty casual by nature. If you want to find people who will take dating a little more seriously it's better to look to real life outlets.

And also when you get into your 30's you are going to find many women put most of their focus on raising their kids and aren't as interested in dating in general. 

Edited October 8 by Sony12

[Goodguy05]

2 hours ago, WorldTraveler said:

Is it just me or has it felt like dating has turned into one giant game with a ton of contradictory rules that are put out there from both sexes? I never remember dating being this hard 8-10 years ago. Now it's like I'm always uncertain of the moves I make because I fear saying or doing the wrong thing based on past experiences both good and bad. This then results in sometimes not being my true self, then evolving into confusion and having my confidence taking a hit after a while resulting in a frustrating cycle. Play it cool, but show interest, but also don't show too much too soon or they'll lose interest. Whether its power moves or texting games I just feel like dating has become such a chore over the last few years and just isn't as fun as it once was in my 20's. Sometimes almost feels like if you don't do everything right there's minimal room for error and chances are your date is on to the next given the giant pool of options with everyone just looking for the next best thing.... Not sure if anyone else shares the same sentiments but damn sometimes it just really sucks. 

Because of online dating which has pluses and minuses Ive found new terms in dating have developed like ghosting, I have noticed a change though, there are the same profiles that have been on there for years and now there expectations I feel have become more realistic. People that swiped left on me are now matching with me lol. I think it's changing but it use to be like a candy store but both sexes are getting burnt out from endless swiping. The downside it's essentially a blind date.

[Leihla_B]

To avoid burnout, take rests from dating when you need them. It's not helpful to form a cynical philosophy about dating that makes it more difficult than it needs to be. It IS helpful to learn how to avoid personalizing bad matches. They are natural odds. Most people are NOT our match, but you're not looking for most people--you're seeking one unique RIGHT person.

Think of matching like two puzzle pieces. When they don't fit together, both are still equally valid to the whole. Keep your focus on YOUR goal, which is to find the 'right' match for you. When someone screens themselves out of your dating pool, they've done you the favor of helping you move forward to find a better match for YOU.

Don't concern yourself about 'rules' because synergy and simpatico don't conform to those. You'll take the fun out of dating if you squelch yourself to conform to imaginary guidelines that won't allow a person to know who they are dealing with. Make this about screening people OUT instead of trying to retain people who don't belong with you.

Head high, you can do this. If finding love were easy, what would be so special about it?

[Gaeta]

Have you tried being yourself? So what you might appear too interested, if she is interested in you that will just play in your favor.

It's a number game. You meet ladies until it clicks on both sides, the rest will unfold naturally. 

We all make dating mistakes! But when women are interested they won't drop you because you doubled text.

After my 1st date with my bf he called me like 15 minutes after we said our good byes. He said he was completely under my spell and that he would do everything in his power to win my heart over. Would you call that a bit too much? Lol. I liked him so l told him lets do this one date at a time. If l had not liked him that much l would have dropped him. My bf was just being his true self, he's passionnate, extroverted, exuberant. He was not going to hide who he is. He just needed to meet a woman like me who loves men with a big personality.

You will find your lady if you show who you are.

[Alpacalia]

I know you're frustrated. But it's going to stick with the right person and the right circumstances.  Don't worry about the games and rules of dating. Just be yourself and the right person will come along. And if they don't, that's okay. It's better to be alone and true to yourself than to be in a toxic relationship playing games. And above all, remember that dating should be fun and not a chore. Keep a positive attitude and have faith that things will work out in the end.

[WorldTraveler]

7 hours ago, Leihla_B said:

To avoid burnout, take rests from dating when you need them. It's not helpful to form a cynical philosophy about dating that makes it more difficult than it needs to be. It IS helpful to learn how to avoid personalizing bad matches. They are natural odds. Most people are NOT our match, but you're not looking for most people--you're seeking one unique RIGHT person.

Think of matching like two puzzle pieces. When they don't fit together, both are still equally valid to the whole. Keep your focus on YOUR goal, which is to find the 'right' match for you. When someone screens themselves out of your dating pool, they've done you the favor of helping you move forward to find a better match for YOU.

Don't concern yourself about 'rules' because synergy and simpatico don't conform to those. You'll take the fun out of dating if you squelch yourself to conform to imaginary guidelines that won't allow a person to know who they are dealing with. Make this about screening people OUT instead of trying to retain people who don't belong with you.

Head high, you can do this. If finding love were easy, what would be so special about it?

I definitely sense myself getting bitter and angry which is no place to be when trying to have a successful date. Thanks for the thoughtful insight. It can be hard sometimes to not get stuck in the “what’s wrong with me” loop when you continually feel like things don’t work out.

[WorldTraveler]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Have you tried being yourself? So what you might appear too interested, if she is interested in you that will just play in your favor.

It's a number game. You meet ladies until it clicks on both sides, the rest will unfold naturally. 

We all make dating mistakes! But when women are interested they won't drop you because you doubled text.

After my 1st date with my bf he called me like 15 minutes after we said our good byes. He said he was completely under my spell and that he would do everything in his power to win my heart over. Would you call that a bit too much? Lol. I liked him so l told him lets do this one date at a time. If l had not liked him that much l would have dropped him. My bf was just being his true self, he's passionnate, extroverted, exuberant. He was not going to hide who he is. He just needed to meet a woman like me who loves men with a big personality.

You will find your lady if you show who you are.

Usually will start being myself after a few dates when I get a better idea who the person is. Problem is I haven’t really found anyone I’ve enjoyed enough to get past the first or second date in awhile. 

[Leihla_B]

15 minutes ago, WorldTraveler said:

I definitely sense myself getting bitter and angry which is no place to be when trying to have a successful date. Thanks for the thoughtful insight. It can be hard sometimes to not get stuck in the “what’s wrong with me” loop when you continually feel like things don’t work out.

I hear. When your attitude tanks, take a break. Spend time around friends, family, and community until you feel grounded and like yourself again.

Liking yourself builds the resilience to meet people who may not be so wild about you. Rejection only speaks of the limitations of another to see you through the right lens. If they don't, they aren't your match. The right person for you will 'get you,' but not if you can't relax and enjoy synergy. Hold out for THAT person and allow the rest to pass early.

Don't set up expensive dates to meet people. Set up a fast drink or coffee to check one another out. You can tell in 15 or 20 minutes whether you like someone enough to contact them afterward and invite them for a real date. Let the rest go. When you get turned down, go meet the next person you have scheduled for a quick drink on your way home from work. 

Edited October 8 by Leihla_B

[smackie9]

If they lose interest it's usually because they weren't all that interested in the beginning. Fretting over it is a waste of time. They don't like you enough, then they are not the one for you. 

[WorldTraveler]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

If they lose interest it's usually because they weren't all that interested in the beginning. Fretting over it is a waste of time. They don't like you enough, then they are not the one for you. 

I agree. It’s just a shame that sometimes with online dating people make this judgement even before meeting in person on a date.

[Justagirl999]

On 10/8/2024 at 6:20 AM, WorldTraveler said:

Is it just me or has it felt like dating has turned into one giant game with a ton of contradictory rules that are put out there from both sexes? I never remember dating being this hard 8-10 years ago. Now it's like I'm always uncertain of the moves I make because I fear saying or doing the wrong thing based on past experiences both good and bad. This then results in sometimes not being my true self, then evolving into confusion and having my confidence taking a hit after a while resulting in a frustrating cycle. Play it cool, but show interest, but also don't show too much too soon or they'll lose interest. Whether its power moves or texting games I just feel like dating has become such a chore over the last few years and just isn't as fun as it once was in my 20's. Sometimes almost feels like if you don't do everything right there's minimal room for error and chances are your date is on to the next given the giant pool of options with everyone just looking for the next best thing.... Not sure if anyone else shares the same sentiments but damn sometimes it just really sucks. 

It's not just you. Never understood all those mind games and never will. Maybe all it takes is for the right person to show up...someone who's tired of all those games too.