smackie9 Posted October 16 Share Posted October 16 Your first step is to acknowledge that sharing/talking about problems is not a form of intimacy. When I was dating, this was a big red flag for me and a turn off. I wanted someone who was in a good place in their life, was positive, fun and could talk about interesting things. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justagirl999 Posted October 16 Author Share Posted October 16 39 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Your first step is to acknowledge that sharing/talking about problems is not a form of intimacy. When I was dating, this was a big red flag for me and a turn off. I wanted someone who was in a good place in their life, was positive, fun and could talk about interesting things. Thinking about it...maybe you're right! I've always looked at it as "they must trust me if they're sharing this with me". Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted October 16 Share Posted October 16 1 hour ago, Justagirl999 said: Thinking about it...maybe you're right! I've always looked at it as "they must trust me if they're sharing this with me". Absolutely not. Sharing personal problems has very little to do with trust and everything to do with the needs of the person who is sharing. When I was younger I used to share everything with everyone and I was stupidly proud of that, thought myself a very “open-hearted” person, as though the amount of my dirty mental laundry that I piled up on a woman was a testimony of my great love for her. In reality, I just couldn’t deal with my problems on my own and overloaded my partners with them. It was pure selfishness and nothing else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Justagirl999 Posted October 17 Author Share Posted October 17 14 hours ago, Gebidozo said: Absolutely not. Sharing personal problems has very little to do with trust and everything to do with the needs of the person who is sharing. When I was younger I used to share everything with everyone and I was stupidly proud of that, thought myself a very “open-hearted” person, as though the amount of my dirty mental laundry that I piled up on a woman was a testimony of my great love for her. In reality, I just couldn’t deal with my problems on my own and overloaded my partners with them. It was pure selfishness and nothing else. And when that is used as an excuse to not talk to someone as much or not meeting them...I guess it's just playing a game... Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted October 17 Share Posted October 17 10 hours ago, Justagirl999 said: And when that is used as an excuse to not talk to someone as much or not meeting them...I guess it's just playing a game... Everyone has their own agenda. That's why it's important to screen out people EARLY who's agenda doesn't align with yours. When your goal is to date to find love, weed out anyone who won't meet you quickly or only wants 'casual' or expects sex too soon. Don't stay at their table then get upset to learn that they're playing with a different deck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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