Bettylou Posted October 9 Share Posted October 9 For almost two years I have been infatuated with my former close friend. He came in to my world as I was healing from an abusive ex. This guy boosted my confidence, he would go out with me to events, movies, pubs and clubs. We made friends together on our outings. It felt like at times we were a couple and we were often asked if we were exclusive since we were out together. Both openly said we were just close friends. Though he knew that I was in love with him. He told me the words "I love you but not in love with you the way you want love to be." I confided in him a lot of past traumas with my ex, very open about my past. He in turned told me bits about his past but was at times guarded in areas. Which I thought was fair enough as some things need to be kept secret. He was the first guy I have ever fully trusted. We went out together at our local spot and I noticed tension from other patrons that are normally friendly. Someone we know came up to us and spoke to my friend saying "X,Y,Z are planning to do you in when they see you. Watch your back tonight." To which friend responded with a scoff "I got no worries about that. Let them." The person responded with "Does Bettylou know what you have done?" Friend replied "Yeah I think so." As we were leaving one of the patron yelled out "Criminal, you're a criminal. We saw the article." My friend later confessed that before he met me, he did an extremely serious crime, spent years in jail, got rehabilitated. My world has been shattered. As I said I trusted this friend. I thought we were close and now I don't know what to think any more. The friend I have isn't the type of person I ever thought I be associated with. I'm sitting here crying, thinking of his behavior that I thought at the time was weird but it now all makes sense. I barely trust anyone and after this I feel like I don't trust anyone. It is like why do I gravitate towards people who have a lot of issues/problems or they gravitate towards me. This isn't what I want for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 9 Share Posted October 9 You don't mention what crime he committed. but if it's bothering you to the point of tears perhaps you need to end the friendship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thr1986 Posted October 9 Share Posted October 9 45 minutes ago, Bettylou said: For almost two years I have been infatuated with my former close friend. He came in to my world as I was healing from an abusive ex. This guy boosted my confidence, he would go out with me to events, movies, pubs and clubs. We made friends together on our outings. It felt like at times we were a couple and we were often asked if we were exclusive since we were out together. Both openly said we were just close friends. Though he knew that I was in love with him. He told me the words "I love you but not in love with you the way you want love to be." I confided in him a lot of past traumas with my ex, very open about my past. He in turned told me bits about his past but was at times guarded in areas. Which I thought was fair enough as some things need to be kept secret. He was the first guy I have ever fully trusted. We went out together at our local spot and I noticed tension from other patrons that are normally friendly. Someone we know came up to us and spoke to my friend saying "X,Y,Z are planning to do you in when they see you. Watch your back tonight." To which friend responded with a scoff "I got no worries about that. Let them." The person responded with "Does Bettylou know what you have done?" Friend replied "Yeah I think so." As we were leaving one of the patron yelled out "Criminal, you're a criminal. We saw the article." My friend later confessed that before he met me, he did an extremely serious crime, spent years in jail, got rehabilitated. My world has been shattered. As I said I trusted this friend. I thought we were close and now I don't know what to think any more. The friend I have isn't the type of person I ever thought I be associated with. I'm sitting here crying, thinking of his behavior that I thought at the time was weird but it now all makes sense. I barely trust anyone and after this I feel like I don't trust anyone. It is like why do I gravitate towards people who have a lot of issues/problems or they gravitate towards me. This isn't what I want for myself. I have not ever been involved in crime, nor have I broken any laws or had trouble in my life in that category. I have, however, had an experience that was very out of character for me and while it was happening for about a year and a half I couldn’t understand it nor could my friends and family. It was a very unhealthy abuse of alcohol. Totally out of character and ppl would have never guessed until it was unmanageable and some found out. I went to rehab, two times within an 8 month period. I mean literally mortified me that any of that was going on or had happened. BUT… I do understand it now and I can see how I got there and I am SOOO much more of everything I ever hoped I would be because of it. I have an awareness and a sense of meaning and ability to love that I didn’t have and never would have had that not happened. I wouldn’t change any of it if I were to do it over again. It’s oddly, and I mean I never could have imagined saying this, oddly the best thing that ever happened. I would have been fine and could have been a successful and happy person if the episode never took place but I’d never be what I am today having processed it and learned to understand myself and therefore understand others like I can now. I feel self aware well beyond most people, an advantage that many never learn. Many people WOULD judge me though to learn about that if they didn’t know me during that time. so while I haven’t had criminal or legal problems, I have had intimate experience with rehabilitation and what that actually means - which to me means getting to know yourself like no one ever does and thus getting to know others like you never could have otherwise - hence a capacity to love which is unusual. The fact that he used the term rehabilitate I see as a good sign. he may have had circumstances that made logical sense if whatever he did to face criminal trouble. And only he can know that. I wouldn’t let your guard down but I would not remove the possibility that you do know him and he is exactly who you have gotten to know and that he is only able to be who he is to you and for you because of that past experience that sounds to someone else very different than what it probably feels and means to him. Genuinely, that may be possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Georgia46 Posted October 9 Share Posted October 9 For me, I believe that people do deserve a second chance BUT this would all depend on what crime it was and if it was something to move past - but if it’s so bad that there’s no going forward … I send you hugs 🤗 Link to post Share on other sites
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