Acacia98 Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 4 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: I just am so sad I met a guy who wasn’t a frog. He was lovely, my family and friends loved him. We never argued, we connected so well. Then he lost his job and pulled away. Said he only saw me in a casual way, and that’s what I worry about. Why men never want me romantically You seem determined to push this narrative that there's something wrong with you and you're doomed. But you're not doomed. Plenty of us have similar experiences. We just don't interpret them the way you do. I think you need to do two things. 1. Stop putting your friends on a pedestal and assuming they're always right. They don't sound insightful at all, frankly speaking. 2. Learn to put things in perspective. Some of the things you're experiencing are perfectly normal. The minute you accept that, you can change the way you react to negative experiences and, just maybe, place yourself in a better position to recognize and connect with decent guys when you meet them. If, on the other hand you insist on believing you're cursed or something, you'll keep second-guessing yourself when you make perfectly reasonable choices and might end up pushing yourself into disastrous situations with people who don't care about you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 11 Author Share Posted October 11 33 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Remind me again why you want this guy. He's a dud. Throw him back. Cause when we met, it felt like me and him really connected. He seemed caring and kind and complimented me lot and I felt comfortable Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 55 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: Cause when we met, it felt like me and him really connected. He seemed caring and kind and complimented me lot and I felt comfortable But you now know that he was just after a ONS and is full of BS. So again, remind us why you want him 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 9 hours ago, Gaeta said: What you prefer... a guy disappearing before sex or a guy disappearing after sex? This guy was never interested in getting to know you, he wanted sex and he would have dissppeared after sex making you feel 100 worse. Wait for the right man. Someone that takes you out on dates, that ask question about you, that keeps in touch with you. Yh and that guy gets played and she uses him. I rather be the first guy thanx Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 11 Author Share Posted October 11 1 hour ago, basil67 said: But you now know that he was just after a ONS and is full of BS. So again, remind us why you want him What if I’m overthinking and actually he will plan a nice date? my friends say I’m probably overthinking to protect myself. I want him because getting to know him over a month, he has been so lovely to me. Curious about me. Seemed happy to see me. im just wondering if I’ve been too cautious by not allowing him to come over after the gym. I’m really cautious about inviting people into my home, for safety reasons. I know that might sound silly Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 11 Author Share Posted October 11 47 minutes ago, fred123 said: Yh and that guy gets played and she uses him. I rather be the first guy thanx I just keep worrying what it is about me that men only want sex. Because a lot of these guys, find their future wife soon after me. also I want to continue going to the gym, it’s always been my routine to go to his spin class but now I feel like I can’t go as it will be awkward. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 20 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: What if I’m overthinking and actually he will plan a nice date? my friends say I’m probably overthinking to protect myself. I want him because getting to know him over a month, he has been so lovely to me. Curious about me. Seemed happy to see me. im just wondering if I’ve been too cautious by not allowing him to come over after the gym. I’m really cautious about inviting people into my home, for safety reasons. I know that might sound silly If he was going to make you a girlfriend, he would have respected your need to get to know him before taking him into your apartment and to not jump into bed with him on the first night. You were NEVER going to be his girlfriend and your sensible approach stopped him from using you Your friend are idiots 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 11 Author Share Posted October 11 4 minutes ago, basil67 said: If he was going to make you a girlfriend, he would have respected your need to get to know him before taking him into your apartment and to not jump into bed with him on the first night. You were NEVER going to be his girlfriend and your sensible approach stopped him from using you Your friend are idiots What if I’m too sensible though? I feel like most people I meet just live and make reckless decisions but I’m more cautious. Maybe I’m broken by being cautious to invite people into my home. Dunno why he would lose interest after not getting sex the first date, what if I was on my period or something like that? Are men stupid sometimes? he did ask me if I had booze at my house and if he could come over one day after the gym. Maybe I shouldn’t have straight up said ‘oooh not tonight lovely, but we can go do something on Tuesday.’ As soon as I suggested we go do something fun, he changed his mind. Like what’s wrong with going out for a fun date like mini golf and if it goes well, intimacy could happen later on when I’ve built a connection. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 Just now, PeachPalm1 said: Dunno why he would lose interest after not getting sex the first date, what if I was on my period or something like that? Are men stupid sometimes? he did ask me if I had booze at my house and if he could come over one day after the gym. Don't be so rude as to suggest this a man thing in general: This is about him and him only. And reason he lost interest after not getting sex the first date is because he wanted a ONS. That he asked to come to your house for drinking after the gym was nothing more than another attempt at casual sex. This time, he didn't even care enough to pretend interest in taking you on a date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 6 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: But then I spoke to my friend and my housemate afterwards and explained what happened and they said I should be glad a man is so excited about me sexually. Are your friend and your housemate concubines of a medieval Mongolian warlord? Why on Earth should you be glad when a man is excited about you sexually at a moment when you are not excited? You should get a better friend. Someone who actually gives good advices that don’t demean women. 6 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: So then I worried maybe I’m just a prude No, you aren’t “just a prude” if you don’t want to have sex with a man because something felt off. OP, you need to start working on cultivating self-respect and stopping to seek validation from other people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 @PeachPalm1 your friends are idiots Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 6 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: But on the date, he did ask me questions about me. So what? I’ve always asked women questions about themselves. That doesn’t mean I wanted to have relationships with them. I had one-night stands with deep conversations and emotional connections. They were still one-night stands that didn’t lead to relationships. You’re jumping to far-reaching conclusions without any foundation. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 (edited) 4 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: Cause when we met, it felt like me and him really connected. He seemed caring and kind and complimented me lot and I felt comfortable I always complimented women I wanted to have sex with, without necessarily wanting to pursue a relationship with them, and was transparent about my intentions. And obviously I made them feel comfortable, otherwise they wouldn’t want to have sex with me. And what is “really connected”? There is a connection during one-night stands, too. They can be romantic and memorable. That doesn’t mean they always lead to relationships. Or that there was an intention to start a relationship to begin with. OP, there is nothing wrong with having no-strings-attached sex if both partners are onboard with that. If you expected a relationship and that guy knew that and misled you, then he is douchebag and a good riddance. But you can’t just assume that any man who is nice to you, pays you compliments, talks about dating and wants to have sex with you is pursuing a relationship with you. Edited October 12 by Gebidozo Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 1 hour ago, PeachPalm1 said: What if I’m too sensible though? I feel like most people I meet just live and make reckless decisions but I’m more cautious. Maybe I’m broken by being cautious to invite people into my home. Dunno why he would lose interest after not getting sex the first date, what if I was on my period or something like that? Are men stupid sometimes? he did ask me if I had booze at my house and if he could come over one day after the gym. Maybe I shouldn’t have straight up said ‘oooh not tonight lovely, but we can go do something on Tuesday.’ As soon as I suggested we go do something fun, he changed his mind. Like what’s wrong with going out for a fun date like mini golf and if it goes well, intimacy could happen later on when I’ve built a connection. OP, I’m sorry, but… are you trolling? I can’t believe your self-respect is so low that you are still thinking of trying to have a relationship with some guy who clearly just wants you for sex. And what’s with the “are men stupid” line? What does this whole thing have to do with stupidity? He is refusing to date you not because he is stupid, but because he doesn’t want to date you. He only wants to have sex with you. Why is it so hard for you to understand and accept? Why do you care so much? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 (edited) 1 hour ago, PeachPalm1 said: he did ask me if I had booze at my house and if he could come over one day after the gym. Maybe I shouldn’t have straight up said ‘oooh not tonight lovely, but we can go do something on Tuesday.’ As soon as I suggested we go do something fun, he changed his mind. Like what’s wrong with going out for a fun date like mini golf and if it goes well, intimacy could happen later on when I’ve built a connection. Nah. I think that when he asked if you had booze at your house and if he could come over that was your cue to say, bye! Edited October 12 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 9 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: Cause when we met, it felt like me and him really connected. He seemed caring and kind and complimented me lot and I felt comfortable Well, I think you need to redefine what "connect" means for yourself. Random flirting evidently meant a lot more to you than it did to him. And he isn't caring. He won't even give you his number. 5 hours ago, Gebidozo said: OP, I’m sorry, but… are you trolling? Starting to wonder that myself. Some of this is a bit far-fetched, in my opinion. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 12 Author Share Posted October 12 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: Well, I think you need to redefine what "connect" means for yourself. Random flirting evidently meant a lot more to you than it did to him. And he isn't caring. He won't even give you his number. Starting to wonder that myself. Some of this is a bit far-fetched, in my opinion. No I promise not trolling Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 23 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: But I’m beating myself up and worried what it means about me. My friends say I’ve been too uptight and should have slept with him, and that’s where I go wrong with dating. I’m worried it means I’m not desirable as a woman. Should have slept with him? When you did not 100% want to? What kind of friends do you have? You need better ones. The guy wanted to sleep with you that time when you were "heavily making out." He has shown no interest in dating you or spending time with you. Would you feel much better if you'd had sex with him that day? Because he'd still not be wanting to date you or spend time with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 12 Author Share Posted October 12 1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said: Should have slept with him? When you did not 100% want to? What kind of friends do you have? You need better ones. The guy wanted to sleep with you that time when you were "heavily making out." He has shown no interest in dating you or spending time with you. Would you feel much better if you'd had sex with him that day? Because he'd still not be wanting to date you or spend time with you. Someone told me that sex can seal the deal for men tho. That’s what is confusing Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 Ugh. OP, this is ridiculous. A guy who wants to have sex in the car on the first date is not a quality guy. Full stop. And of course he is going to feign interest to some extent because if he'd approached you at the gym and said "Would you like to go have sex in my car?" you'd have said no. The fact that he tried to suck on your breasts and put his hand into your pants on a first date and in the car and WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT should have you running far away from this guy, not wondering whether he is relationship material. He's not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 3 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: Someone told me that sex can seal the deal for men tho. That’s what is confusing Sure, if they are interested in a relationship, sex can seal the deal (for both men and women). But sex will never seal the relationship deal for a guy who is looking for sex only. I am 99.999999% certain your gym buddy was not going to enter a relationship with you even if you'd put on a porn star performance in that car. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 15 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: Someone told me that sex can seal the deal for men tho. That’s what is confusing I am sorry to be harsh, but are you somehow incapable of thinking for yourself? Your whole thread is full of "my friends said..." or "my friends think..." and now "someone told me..." Why are you as an adult not able to make your own decisions and judgment calls? You are too old for this. This is the sort of talk I would exoect from a teenager who read too many issues of Cosmopolitan magazine, not a grown woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 Sorry guys. Beginning to think this is just another person making up a story (or at least highly exaggerating it) in order to get a lot of responses. Starting to have all the telltale signs of it. Responding to everyone and not taking a lick of any of their advice all the while making their story more and more unbelievable. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 12 Author Share Posted October 12 59 minutes ago, Sony12 said: Sorry guys. Beginning to think this is just another person making up a story (or at least highly exaggerating it) in order to get a lot of responses. Starting to have all the telltale signs of it. Responding to everyone and not taking a lick of any of their advice all the while making their story more and more unbelievable. I’m not I assure you. This is real and I’m feeling conflicted. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 28 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: I’m not I assure you. This is real and I’m feeling conflicted. Well, has this thread helped you feel even slightly less conflicted, considering that you've gotten a practically unanimous response? If not, why not? 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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