Sony12 Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 I get situations where people just want to vent and aren't really looking for advice. Hell I work with a lady who seems to do just that but when it all comes down to it she doesn't seem to have any intent on kicking her deadbeat boyfriend out of her house who is clearly just squatting at her place. But this isn't that type of situation. The OP said they are looking for advice. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 (edited) On 10/11/2024 at 4:12 AM, PeachPalm1 said: Had a nice chat and then he said ‘what you doing later? got any booze at your place?’ He wanted to come back to your house for sex. That’s all this was… Edited October 12 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 3 minutes ago, BaileyB said: He wanted to come back to your house for sex. That’s all this was… He needs to stop wasting time with these girls and go after the cougars who will want him to come back to their place for a drink. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 12 Author Share Posted October 12 3 hours ago, BaileyB said: He wanted to come back to your house for sex. That’s all this was… I just feel a bit sad as I deleted all dating apps because they didn’t work for me and then I met this guy organically. And it’s been 5 months of chatting when we see each other around town, it’s felt really nice and natural. But as soon as I suggested we go do something fun like mini golf, he pulls away. I don’t even know if I want a relationsip with him yet but I do know that I want to go on proper dates and get to know him and now I’m embarrassed like was I asking for too much Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 12 Author Share Posted October 12 3 hours ago, Sony12 said: He needs to stop wasting time with these girls and go after the cougars who will want him to come back to their place for a drink. Is it weird of me to be uncomfortable with a man I’ve just met coming over for a drink? I want to go on proper dates before that happens Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 10 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: I do know that I want to go on proper dates Well then, this is clearly not your guy. I was once “introduced” to a man by a friend. When he called the invitation was - “I’m going to the bar with my friends, do you want to come?” The answer was no - I was not looking for a party or a hookup, I was looking for a date. You will date to your expectations. If you are willing to settle for a hookup, that is what you will get. If you want more, you need to be prepared to ask for it - and wait until you find what you are looking for… Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 12 Author Share Posted October 12 2 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Well then, this is clearly not your guy. I was once “introduced” to a man by a friend. When he called the invitation was - “I’m going to the bar with my friends, do you want to come?” The answer was no - I was not looking for a party or a hookup, I was looking for a date. You will date to your expectations. If you are willing to settle for a hookup, that is what you will get. If you want more, you need to be prepared to ask for it - and wait until you find what you are looking for… In the first date though he was saying things like ‘oh we should go out for dinner sometime and some live music! And go out and get wasted hahaha.’ well I’ve been the one to him that also said I want to go out somewhere fun. I even said ‘I fancy seeing a movie at the cinema’ and he said ‘I wouldn’t watch the film as I would be so distracted by you.’ Some of the things he says makes me think he does want to go on a. Date. Perhaps he’s just busy genuinely Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 (edited) 20 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: Perhaps he’s just busy genuinely No. He's just not interested in the same way you are. 20 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: In the first date though he was saying things like ‘oh we should go out for dinner sometime and some live music! And go out and get wasted hahaha.’ This guy would have gone right into my Reject Pile. He wouldn't meet my standards to take me to MdDonalds, let alone an actual date. Why is your bar so low? I don't really understand this entire thread. You keep adding comment after comment which paint him in a crappier light, yet turn around and try convince yourself you're not lovable. It's bizarre. Edited October 12 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 12 Author Share Posted October 12 13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: No. He's just not interested in the same way you are. This guy would have gone right into my Reject Pile. He wouldn't meet my standards to take me to MdDonalds, let alone an actual date. Why is your bar so low? I don't really understand this entire thread. You keep adding comment after comment which paint him Because I have a tendency to self sabotage and dump men over tiny things so I want to give men a chance or I might be single forever. And I have lovely friends who say he might just be really really busy like he says. He says he’s been working 50 hr weeks. I just felt upset the last time I saw him as usually he seems so so happy to see me but he didn’t that time. He told me to wait outside and he will come and chat and he never came, but maybe he got busy with work after he spoke to me because he was at work. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 2 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: And I have lovely friends The friends you've described in this thread are dolts. Please forget this guy. It is going to emotionally devastate you if you do sleep with him and then he fades. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 12 Author Share Posted October 12 3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: The friends you've described in this thread are dolts. Please forget this guy. It is going to emotionally devastate you if you do sleep with him and then he fades. But even the last guy I dated. Super smart nerdy lovely man, amazing fun dates, escape rooms, wine and cheese night, cooked me dinners. Then we slept together and he didn’t reply to me for 10 days. That really upset me. So like any guy can do that and so how can I trust a man again? Sometimes I worry what is wrong with me Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 4 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: Super smart nerdy lovely man, amazing fun dates, escape rooms, wine and cheese night, cooked me dinners. Something isn't adding up with the above, and the quote below: 4 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: we slept together and he didn’t reply to me for 10 days. How long were you seeing this guy, exactly? Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 12 Author Share Posted October 12 7 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Something isn't adding up with the above, and the quote below: How long were you seeing this guy, exactly? 4 months, but he did start replying a bit quicker. But still took 3-4 days to reply after every date. But on the dates seem to adore me, kissing me, telling me he felt we got along so well. It really messed with my head. Eventually he said he didn’t feel romantic I beat myself up and worried what wrong with me. Then he came back to be friends and was hugging me and telling me how great I am and how he realises we got along well. I moved on and then met this guy and this guy has upset me (guy at the gym.) also gym guy has a photo with a girl in December on his instagram titled ‘power couple.’ He still commented ‘wow 🔥’ on her pictures more recently. But on the date, I asked him how long he been single and he looked lost in thought and said ‘since 2021.it’s been a while.’ I spoke to my friends about this too and they said I’m really jumping to conclusions here and they probably just friends or gym buddies Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 7 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: 4 months, but he did start replying a bit quicker. But still took 3-4 days to reply after every date. If a guy is going days without any contact and you've been dating 4 months, something is not right. Did you only go on a few dates or something? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 12 Author Share Posted October 12 13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: If a guy is going days without any contact and you've been dating 4 months, something is not right. Did you only go on a few dates or something? We went on 7 dates. We lived 1.5 hours away so it was tricky with our schedules and work. I just didn’t understand why he was so into me on dates and then disappeared after he stayed friends with me and even though he has a new girlfriend, he still likes pictures of me I post on my story. If I was his girlfriend, I’d hate to know he was doing that. It’s confusing because he was from the other side of the world and told me that he sees himself going back in a few years. I think that made him distance himself from the relationship. But now he dates a lady with kids which confuses me because if he’s moving back home to the other side of the world, why would he be in serious relationship with a lady who has kids and so is looking for something stable. very confusing. It was hard to move on because me and him clicked so well. Not even just saying that, it was a rare and unique connection. But a confusing one. The chemsitry and connection was insane. He would speak of how we were just so so similar and now I’m trying to date again and nothing compares to that connecjfon even though I am open to it. Hence me trying to date gym guy… my friends say I need to try and date others now Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 1 minute ago, PeachPalm1 said: We went on 7 dates. We lived 1.5 hours away so it was tricky with our schedules and work. So this was never really a viable prospect.If you can't manage to see each other more than a couple times a month when you don't really live that far apart, either someone's interest isn't high enough or the confllicting schedules are way too incompatible to make this work. 3 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: it was a rare and unique connection If that were true for him, well, he wouldn't have called it off. That stings, but obviously something wasn't there for him. 4 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: Hence me trying to date gym guy It's good to be open to other opportunities, but you also need to learn to recognize a poor prospect early on. This guy is a poor prospect Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 12 Author Share Posted October 12 8 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: So this was never really a viable prospect.If you can't manage to see each other more than a couple times a month when you don't really live that far apart, either someone's interest isn't high enough or the confllicting schedules are way too incompatible to make this work. If that were true for him, well, he wouldn't have called it off. That stings, but obviously something wasn't there for him. It's good to be open to other opportunities, but you also need to learn to recognize a poor prospect early on. This guy is a poor prospect Well we saw each other any weekend we were free. And we had prebooked holidays and funerals to attend so we made the effort whenever we could. his visa was expiring and he dumped me during the time he was stressed about it. And then he came back to be friends a few months later, touching me a lot (including my bum), hugging me, telling me he missed me etc and why now when he is with a new girlfriend is he still liking any selfies or cheeky pictures I post on my instagram stories… I wouldn’t be happy with that if I was the girl Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 6 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: and why now when he is with a new girlfriend is he still liking any selfies or cheeky pictures I post on my instagram stories… I wouldn’t be happy with that if I was the girl Not your problem. And delete him off your socials. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 12 Author Share Posted October 12 2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Not your problem. And delete him off your socials. I don’t want to because me and him genuinely have a good connection and we will share recipes with each other and he helps me with some things sometimes. Both have the same hobbies so it would be such a loss to lose that connection. I don’t have anyone else in my life I connect with like that. when he told me he didn’t feel romantic, really beat myself up. We went from having a super romantic evening, him telling me he’s told all his family about me , to him in the morning wanting to leave super early and then being very distant. And then said he didn’t feel romantic i honestly panicked what I did wrong Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 1 minute ago, PeachPalm1 said: I don’t want to because me and him genuinely have a good connection and we will share recipes with each other and he helps me with some things sometimes. Both have the same hobbies so it would be such a loss to lose that connection. I don’t have anyone else in my life I connect with like that. Then you despeately need some decent friends. When was the last time you actually spoke to this guy? You are definitely part of your own problem. You make excuses to hang on to guys who just aren't into you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 12 Author Share Posted October 12 26 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Then you despeately need some decent friends. When was the last time you actually spoke to this guy? You are definitely part of your own problem. You make excuses to hang on to guys who just aren't into you. He messaged me 2 months ago to say ‘hope you’re well :)’ and then he never replied when I replied back. Link to post Share on other sites
Georgia46 Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 8 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: He messaged me 2 months ago to say ‘hope you’re well :)’ and then he never replied when I replied back. Classic clown 🤡 initiating text, you reply and then says nothing. I literally can’t stand people like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 12 Author Share Posted October 12 13 minutes ago, Georgia46 said: Classic clown 🤡 initiating text, you reply and then says nothing. I literally can’t stand people like this. I got upset about it, worried what I did wrong? last time we met up he was hugging me and telling me how much he feels that me and him click and we’re so similar what I’m terrified of it that I can only be seen in a sexual way because of my looks. Not to sound vain, I aware I’m very lucky about the way I look. And then men will see me for my looks and never love me Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 1 minute ago, PeachPalm1 said: what I’m terrified of it that I can only be seen in a sexual way because of my looks. Not to sound vain, I aware I’m very lucky about the way I look. And then men will see me for my looks and never love me Men will be highly attracted to you if your looks are attractive and that just means you need to be picky about who you choose. If a man is coming on to you sexually early, like this man did, then you need to be more discerning and not to get to caught up with the attraction and emotions, and really listen to what they are telling you. He flattered you, you liked it, and let it go too far. Look at this situation as a learning experience, and use it to help you guide you toward a healthier mindset and more careful selection in who to date. Some traits you need to be looking for in a potential partner are honesty, emotional maturity and respect for your boundaries/non sexually respectful. These qualities will lead to a much healthier and fulfilling relationship in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 12 Author Share Posted October 12 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: Men will be highly attracted to you if your looks are attractive and that just means you need to be picky about who you choose. If a man is coming on to you sexually early, like this man did, then you need to be more discerning and not to get to caught up with the attraction and emotions, and really listen to what they are telling you. He flattered you, you liked it, and let it go too far. Look at this situation as a learning experience, and use it to help you guide you toward a healthier mindset and more careful selection in who to date. Some traits you need to be looking for in a potential partner are honesty, emotional maturity and respect for your boundaries/non sexually respectful. These qualities will lead to a much healthier and fulfilling relationship in the long run. And that’s what the last guy I dated was like. He was all green flags, mature, emotionally mature, kind, funny, sensitive man. Very caring. He waited for sex, made sure he had consent. Yet after dates he would take days to reply for some reason and when I stayed over he wanted me to leave asap in mornjng even tho he spoke of how well me and him clicked. I was so confused. And then he said he didn’t feel romantic and I feel like I lost a wonderful man because all the other men that show interest in me are like gym guy. Everyone tells me I have loads of men interested in me but they are all only like gym guy. I was so glad when I met the last guy because I don’t like it when men are like the gym guy. And it used to really affect my nervous system and anxiety when guys were bad to me. I knew I met a good guy with the last one so I feel I’m getting punished Edited October 12 by PeachPalm1 Link to post Share on other sites
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