Did I ruin things by not sleeping with him quick enough?

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said:

Everyone tells me I have loads of men interested in me but they are all only like gym guy. 

It could be that you are only attracting a certain type of guys who have the confidence to approach you.

Instead of waiting to be approached, try taking the first step and approaching guys who you find interesting. 

Keep in mind that there are likely many guys who are interested in you, but may not show it as openly. 

[PeachPalm1]

54 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

It could be that you are only attracting a certain type of guys who have the confidence to approach you.

Instead of waiting to be approached, try taking the first step and approaching guys who you find interesting. 

Keep in mind that there are likely many guys who are interested in you, but may not show it as openly. 

I approach guys all the time but they usually have girlfriends haha. My usual type is the nerdy sweet guys bht I’ve never had success approaching them

[Gebidozo]

6 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said:

So like any guy can do that and so how can I trust a man again? Sometimes I worry what is wrong with me 

What is wrong with you is that you lack self-respect and you don’t seem to have formed your own opinions and guidelines concerning romance and sex.

Some men of questionable morals feel this and prey on your weaknesses and insecurities.

Work on respecting yourself and having a clear idea about what you want and what you don’t want, what you should and what you shouldn’t do. Once you become more mature and confident, you’ll be able to attract mature and confident men.

[basil67]

@PeachPalm1 do you have a therapist?   I feel you need professional help so that you can learn to navigate relationships and also work on your self esteem

[PeachPalm1]

4 minutes ago, basil67 said:

@PeachPalm1 do you have a therapist?   I feel you need professional help so that you can learn to navigate relationships and also work on your self esteem

I have high self esteem. Trust me I do. I really like who I am. And yes I do have therapist.

gym guy just texted me and asked me on the next date so I kinda feel bad for venting here. He is taking me out for dinner next week. Confusing hey 

[basil67]

9 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said:

I have high self esteem. Trust me I do. I really like who I am. And yes I do have therapist.

gym guy just texted me and asked me on the next date so I kinda feel bad for venting here. He is taking me out for dinner next week. Confusing hey 

Worrying all the time that you've ruined things does not reflect a high self esteem.

Gym guy is not confusing.  He's now taking you on a date in the hope that you'll have sex with him

[NuevoYorko]

20 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Worrying all the time that you've ruined things does not reflect a high self esteem.

 

Going out with this gym rat after the way he's blanked you also does not reflect a high self esteem.  

[ExpatInItaly]

11 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said:

He messaged me 2 months ago to say ‘hope you’re well :)’ and then he never replied when I replied back. 

So there is no connection anymore. 

You're worried about losing a connection that is already gone. Again, delete this person off your socials. Don't keep him around for the sake of flattering your ego when he likes your photos. 

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said:

I have high self esteem. Trust me I do

No, you definitely don't. 

If you did, you woudln't find yourself in these situations and with no mind of your own to decide for yourself what to accept and what not to accept. This is not how women with high self-esteem approach men and dating at all. 

 

[Gebidozo]

5 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said:

I have high self esteem. Trust me I do. I really like who I am. And yes I do have therapist.

gym guy just texted me and asked me on the next date so I kinda feel bad for venting here. He is taking me out for dinner next week. Confusing hey 

Let me get this straight.

The guy who came on way too strong sexually, made you feel uncomfortable, refused to go on a date with you, caused you such anguish that you began to doubt your desirability (!) and were ready to follow your friend’ dumb, humiliating advices now asks you for a date, and you’re running to him like a little puppy obeying its master, ready to forget everything that happened.

And you’re saying that you have high self esteem?..

[Alpacalia]

12 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said:

I approach guys all the time but they usually have girlfriends haha. My usual type is the nerdy sweet guys bht I’ve never had success approaching them

Nerdy sweet men might find you intimidating 🤪 or...maybe they have outside interests that don't jive with you. 

What do you enjoy doing? What are some of your interests and hobbies? 

Gym man certainly doesn't fit the description of nerdy sweet men, so why did you/are you making an exception for him?

Edited October 13, 2024 by Alpacalia

[BaileyB]

I would think that nerdy sweet men would be absolutely delighted to date a good looking woman such as yourself. Something doesn’t add up here…

Dating is hard, that is certain. But I’m not so sure that it’s this hard…

[PeachPalm1]

32 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

I would think that nerdy sweet men would be absolutely delighted to date a good looking woman such as yourself. Something doesn’t add up here…

Dating is hard, that is certain. But I’m not so sure that it’s this hard…

No that’s what’s confusing. Last year I met this autistic nerdy man, really lovely guy who planned amazing fun dates. But after every fun date woukd take days to reply, only texted in a really formal serious way. When we became intimate, in the mornings he would just want me to leave very early. He was cold at times and very warm and affectionate other times. He would speak of how well we get along and how similar we were, I agreed we had a good connection but something was off. And he one day just ended things and said he didn’t feel romantic. 9 months on, he still is kinda there, messages me sometimes , tells me he misses me even though he has a new girlfriend.

 

it’s confusing to me and something I’ve never made sense of 

[PeachPalm1]

56 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Nerdy sweet men might find you intimidating 🤪 or...maybe they have outside interests that don't jive with you. 

What do you enjoy doing? What are some of your interests and hobbies? 

Gym man certainly doesn't fit the description of nerdy sweet men, so why did you/are you making an exception for him?

My hobbies are playing the flute, going to the gym, fitness classes, baking and cooking and going travelling. Me and the last guy I dated liked all the same things. We both were sharing our journey learning how to make sourdough. We both loved museums and talking about science. He was quite autistic but a lovely man but he kept me at arms length. Affectionate on dates and then distant after. It was so upsetting for me and confusing and I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Eventually he said he just want to be friends and as friends he was touching me a lot, hugging me and telling me he felt so comfortable with me. It never made sense and I haven’t dated for a while and then gym guy came along so I gave it a chance 

 

but I still want someone like the lovely man I dated before

 

gym guy has been very lovely for the past 3 months. When he saw me arrive at gym, his face would light up. 
 

whilst the needy autistic guy I dated, when I turned up on dates, he kept a serious expression that didn’t change

Edited October 13, 2024 by PeachPalm1

[PeachPalm1]

45 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

I would think that nerdy sweet men would be absolutely delighted to date a good looking woman such as yourself. Something doesn’t add up here…

Dating is hard, that is certain. But I’m not so sure that it’s this hard…

Don’t tell me that it shouldn’t be this hard  my friends are having similar issues too a lot of them, men these days just seem to act very avoidant and bizarrely

i am told I am a little intimidating , just cause I’m confident. The autistic guy I dated. My therapist said that it sounded like he was really conflicted with me because I’m confident and assertive, he wanted to be in control it sounds like, and now he moved onto a woman who has 3 children and is only 22. Which is bizarre as he told me he doesn’t see himself having kids 

[PeachPalm1]

49 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

I would think that nerdy sweet men would be absolutely delighted to date a good looking woman such as yourself. Something doesn’t add up here…

Dating is hard, that is certain. But I’m not so sure that it’s this hard…

I also get approached and asked out by men daily. But they all seem like the type like gym guy. One guy bought me a box of chocolates the other day as I was leaving the supermarket. But I felt bad as I didn’t want to date him as he seemed also the f***boy type. There’s a vibe that I can just sense. 

[BaileyB]

17 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said:

it’s confusing to me and something I’ve never made sense of 

As someone who works with individuals who have autism… I would remind you - he has autism. 

Social communication and relationships are often challenging for individuals with autism. 

[BaileyB]

17 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said:

when I turned up on dates, he kept a serious expression that didn’t change

Because he had autism….

[PeachPalm1]

1 minute ago, BaileyB said:

As someone who works with individuals who have autism… I would remind you - he has autism. 

Social communication and relationships are often challenging for individuals with autism. 

Well he suspects he is on the spectrum he said. It was very bizarre how as he got into the dates with me, he became very affectionate and lovely and deep convos and just felt like we clicked. After the date, he would disappear.

 

I’ve tried to date all year since, giving all sorts of men a chance on the dating apps, but I just don’t feel the connection with any. Most men send lazy messages that don’t stimulate my mind. Heck some guys don’t even ask me a question about myself. It’s so frustrating. I wanted it to work with the last guy and I gave my best shot with communication. I even planned fun things to do and made him yummy cakes to eat.

It makes me sad that everyone since him has just been so low effort I’ve had to cut like 10 guys off this year as they weren’t giving me what I was looking for (communication, effort, respect)

[PeachPalm1]

7 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

As someone who works with individuals who have autism… I would remind you - he has autism. 

Social communication and relationships are often challenging for individuals with autism. 

Weirdly he did quite well with communication. He was exceptionally confident out in person, a little bit ‘harsh’ though. People respected him highly. He told me he didn’t really feel much empathy though 

[PeachPalm1]

9 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Because he had autism….

Myself I’m not autistic, but when me and him met up recently, he put his arm round me and said ‘there’s not many people in the world like you and I, we are quite unique people.’ And I agree. I am quite unique and a very deep person, I’ve never really met someone like me apart from him and a couple of other female friends. I wouldn’t say I’m unique in a bad way, just people  like me are hard to find I agree 

[Sony12]

Who are we talking about now? Before this conversation was about a player at the gym and now it is about someone with autism.

 

[PeachPalm1]

1 minute ago, Sony12 said:

Who are we talking about now? Before this conversation was about a player at the gym and now it is about someone with autism.

 

This is the last guy I dated, the guy with autism. He was very sweet and my usual type. But he kept me at such a distance. And even after ending things with me, coukd never let me go fully

 

and gym guy is someone I’ve met since, who is the opposite of the last guy. But I don’t like him now I realise, I miss the last autistic guy. But he didn’t want me either for some unknown reason, he acted very strangely hot and cold

[Sony12]

Just now, PeachPalm1 said:

This is the last guy I dated, the guy with autism. He was very sweet and my usual type. But he kept me at such a distance. And even after ending things with me, coukd never let me go fully

 

and gym guy is someone I’ve met since, who is the opposite of the last guy. But I don’t like him now I realise, I miss the last autistic guy. But he didn’t want me either for some unknown reason, he acted very strangely hot and cold

 

Are you sure you aren't just making all this up. You sure are talking about him pretty disrespectfully for someone who you liked and said he was your type. He's better off without you. 

 

[Alpacalia]

45 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said:

My hobbies are playing the flute, going to the gym, fitness classes, baking and cooking and going travelling. Me and the last guy I dated liked all the same things. We both were sharing our journey learning how to make sourdough. We both loved museums and talking about science. He was quite autistic but a lovely man but he kept me at arms length. Affectionate on dates and then distant after. It was so upsetting for me and confusing and I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Eventually he said he just want to be friends and as friends he was touching me a lot, hugging me and telling me he felt so comfortable with me. It never made sense and I haven’t dated for a while and then gym guy came along so I gave it a chance 

 

but I still want someone like the lovely man I dated before

 

gym guy has been very lovely for the past 3 months. When he saw me arrive at gym, his face would light up. 
 

whilst the needy autistic guy I dated, when I turned up on dates, he kept a serious expression that didn’t change

Agree with @BaileyBif he's autistic your experience will be a bit different. Also, sometimes you date someone and then it just doesn't match up- can't force it if it's not there. It still sounds like you're a bit hung up on him despite not dating him for a while. If you don't sort out those feelings it can prevent you from moving on completely and you're welcoming advances for men like gym man who you're not actually in to but because he shows sexual interest in you. Sometimes when your esteem isn't fortified, any attraction will do.