Gebidozo Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 3 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: But my friends said that every guy is looking for sex and they also might want relarionship too Yes, every guy is looking for sex and also might want a relationship. In your case, however, the guy wasn’t looking for a relationship with you. If he were, he wouldn’t disappear after you refused him a quick ONS. 3 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: i just don’t know what I’ve done wrong here. Like I’m beating myself up worrying what I did wrong Wrong? Nothing wrong. On the contrary, you did the right thing by refusing to have sex when you weren’t ready for it. Why on Earth would you think that you did something wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Georgia46 Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 4 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: Yes but it’s my brain that’s like if HE wanted to be casual when we were such a good match, how can anyone else be a good match. It was a bit perfect how we clicked. he came back to be friends. Was texting me all the time and then he met this girl who seemed a very unlikely match for him, a woman with kids which surprised me as he said he didn’t want that lifestyle You need to leave him in the past because he didn’t choose you ( I’m sorry it’s horrible) … but …. There is a massive world out there, with loads of men… why write yourself off because of this one? your soulmate is waiting for you you need to find him 🥰 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 11 Author Share Posted October 11 4 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: Yes, every guy is looking for sex and also might want a relationship. In your case, however, the guy wasn’t looking for a relationship with you. If he were, he wouldn’t disappear after you refused him a quick ONS. Wrong? Nothing wrong. On the contrary, you did the right thing by refusing to have sex when you weren’t ready for it. Why on Earth would you think that you did something wrong? He hasn’t fully disappeared, he keeps suggesting meeting but then never plans it. But keeps talking about how busy he is atm but that he would like to meet up soon. And I feel so ashamed, makes me worry I’m undesirable as a woman Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 11 Author Share Posted October 11 15 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: What a horrible advice from your friends. And what an utterly illogical conclusion by you. That guy wanted a one night stand. You refused. He moved onto another target. What does this have to be with you being desirable or undesirable? Nothing at all. Please, never sleep with a man too fast just because you’re afraid he’ll reject you otherwise. You should only have sex when you want to. Any other reason is flawed. But if I met a man who was a catch and was attractive and fun to be around, I wouldn’t let him go. I wouldn’t want to just sleep with him and move on. So I can only conclude I’m not seen as attractive. he keeps mentioning going out again yet he’s just not planning it. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 4 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: And I feel so ashamed, makes me worry I’m undesirable as a woman Ashamed of what? You did nothing shameful. Again, I fail to see any connection whatsoever between your desirability or lack thereof and the behavior of some fairly sleazy dude you barely know. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 1 minute ago, PeachPalm1 said: But if I met a man who was a catch and was attractive and fun to be around, I wouldn’t let him go. I wouldn’t want to just sleep with him and move on. So I can only conclude I’m not seen as attractive. So, by your own logic, every man you don’t sleep with and don’t date is unattractive? Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 11 Author Share Posted October 11 16 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: So, by your own logic, every man you don’t sleep with and don’t date is unattractive? Well if I met a guy that I was attracted to, I would sleep and really want to date him.I don’t find many men attractive Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 12 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: Well if I met a guy that I was attracted to, I would sleep and really want to date him.I don’t find many men attractive Okay, so I guess you don’t make distinction between superficial physical attraction and a deeper connection that leads to a relationship. Many other people do. That guy was attracted to you in the sense that he found you physically appealing and wanted to have sex with you, but he is probably not attracted to you in the sense of having deep feelings for you and wanting to have a relationship with you. Again, I fail to see what this has to do with your overall desirability. It’s just a guy who wanted quick sex, didn’t get it, and is now backing off. He doesn’t represent the male population of the planet, and he is not the supreme judge of the universe who has passed the final verdict of “guilty and undesirable” on you. His opinion of your attractiveness shouldn’t matter precisely because he isn’t interested in a relationship with you. His lack of interest is in no way a judgment of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 You never know what's going on with a person and there could be any number of reasons why he "lost interest". However, from the totality of your description it DOES sound like he was mostly looking for a hookup. That said, sex or at least intimacy advances a relationship. For some men, when they get to the sex part that "seals the deal" and the man commits to give the relationship a more serious try (naturally the future is never guaranteed, given compatibility, life changes, etc). Your boundaries are yours and there may little getting around "how you are". That said you haven't really given the big picture of your life here. IF you are the type who postpones intimacy indefinitely, then your friends may be on to something. Given what I've noted above, they may simply and sincerely be sharing what has worked for them. Waiting too long will make some men feel that you're not serious about things or that there are "greener pastures" elsewhere. However, the guy you describe is giving enough yellow flags (as most if not all above seem to agree) that he probably wouldn't have been "a good bet" anyhow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 11 Author Share Posted October 11 7 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: Okay, so I guess you don’t make distinction between superficial physical attraction and a deeper connection that leads to a relationship. Many other people do. That guy was attracted to you in the sense that he found you physically appealing and wanted to have sex with you, but he is probably not attracted to you in the sense of having deep feelings for you and wanting to have a relationship with you. Again, I fail to see what this has to do with your overall desirability. It’s just a guy who wanted quick sex, didn’t get it, and is now backing off. He doesn’t represent the male population of the planet, and he is not the supreme judge of the universe who has passed the final verdict of “guilty and undesirable” on you. His opinion of your attractiveness shouldn’t matter precisely because he isn’t interested in a relationship with you. His lack of interest is in no way a judgment of you. He talked on the date though about whats important to him in a relationship. He said he didn’t have a type but wants someone he can laugh and have a good time with and nice personality and also good sex. He seemed very into me on the date and asking me lots of questions about me. I just wonder why I am only seen as being interesting sexually Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 11 Author Share Posted October 11 10 minutes ago, mark clemson said: You never know what's going on with a person and there could be any number of reasons why he "lost interest". However, from the totality of your description it DOES sound like he was mostly looking for a hookup. That said, sex or at least intimacy advances a relationship. For some men, when they get to the sex part that "seals the deal" and the man commits to give the relationship a more serious try (naturally the future is never guaranteed, given compatibility, life changes, etc). Your boundaries are yours and there may little getting around "how you are". That said you haven't really given the big picture of your life here. IF you are the type who postpones intimacy indefinitely, then your friends may be on to something. Given what I've noted above, they may simply and sincerely be sharing what has worked for them. Waiting too long will make some men feel that you're not serious about things or that there are "greener pastures" elsewhere. However, the guy you describe is giving enough yellow flags (as most if not all above seem to agree) that he probably wouldn't have been "a good bet" anyhow. No but by the third date I’m usually ready. The last guys I dated weren’t even ready by the third date and so I had to wait for them. I’m quite a sexual person, I just need to feel safe first and that will take a couple of dates. I need to know a guy wants to get to know me as that’s a turn on and build a little connection. this guy, wanted to leave the first date so we could make out in the car. And then he started sucking on my breasts but he didn’t ask me first. And touching me down there and because we were in the car it felt a bit exposed so I moved his hand away. Something felt off. but usually once I’m ready, like with the last guy, I’m a very sexual person. The last guy I dated seemed nervous in the bedroom and said he was thinking too much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 4 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: this guy, wanted to leave the first date so we could make out in the car. And then he started sucking on my breasts but he didn’t ask me first. And touching me down there and because we were in the car it felt a bit exposed so I moved his hand away. Something felt off. What the hell? And you feel hurt that this weirdo isn't pursuing you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 11 Author Share Posted October 11 Just now, ExpatInItaly said: What the hell? And you feel hurt that this weirdo isn't pursuing you? But then I spoke to my friend and my housemate afterwards and explained what happened and they said I should be glad a man is so excited about me sexually. And I should be excited as he’s passionate and yes he probably does want sex but don’t hold off for too long. So then I worried maybe I’m just a prude Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 9 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: this guy, wanted to leave the first date so we could make out in the car. And then he started sucking on my breasts but he didn’t ask me first. And touching me down there and because we were in the car it felt a bit exposed so I moved his hand away. Something felt off. No s*** - sexual assault typically feels pretty off. Why do you even want this piece of turd as a boyfriend, anyway? Imagine being in a relationship with a person who thinks that doing this is okay? Quote But then I spoke to my friend and my housemate afterwards and explained what happened and they said I should be glad a man is so excited about me sexually. And I should be excited as he’s passionate and yes he probably does want sex but don’t hold off for too long. So then I worried maybe I’m just a prude I think you need new friends. The housemate can't really be changed easily but you can stop listening to him/her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 11 Author Share Posted October 11 Just now, Els said: No s*** - sexual assault typically feels pretty off. Why do you even want this piece of turd as a boyfriend, anyway? Imagine being in a relationship with a person who thinks that doing this is okay? I think you need new friends. The housemate can't really be changed easily but you can stop listening to him/her. My housemate said ‘I’m not engaging in conversation about this, you are self sabotaging a potential great relationship with your overthinking.’ Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 4 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: But then I spoke to my friend and my housemate afterwards and explained what happened and they said I should be glad a man is so excited about me sexually. How old are your friends? They sound completely clueless. I have a hard time believing they think you should ignore your own discomfort at the expense of sexually satisfying a man. If these are the people you hang out with,...good lord. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 11 Author Share Posted October 11 1 minute ago, Els said: No s*** - sexual assault typically feels pretty off. Why do you even want this piece of turd as a boyfriend, anyway? Imagine being in a relationship with a person who thinks that doing this is okay? I think you need new friends. The housemate can't really be changed easily but you can stop listening to him/her. I don’t think it was sexual assault. We were on a dating and we were kissing. He was very into me but he was very touchy feely. So maybe I was the prude one. I’ve since been to a fitness class of his, he still comes over and touches my hand and back etc. but he didn’t even try and hug me after the date like he usually does. He keeps saying we should hang out soon but then never follows up about it Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 11 Author Share Posted October 11 1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said: How old are your friends? They sound completely clueless. I have a hard time believing they think you should ignore your own discomfort at the expense of sexually satisfying a man. If these are the people you hang out with,...good lord. Early 30s. They all have partners, they believe I’m single as I ruin everything and overthink. But I’ve always been right about the men I’ve dated when I have a bad feeling Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 1 minute ago, PeachPalm1 said: They all have partners, they believe I’m single as I ruin everything and overthink. Are you sure they are your friends? They don't sound like it. 3 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: He keeps saying we should hang out soon but then never follows up about it Then forget about him. He doesn't sound like he was ever interested in more than sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 11 Author Share Posted October 11 4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Are you sure they are your friends? They don't sound like it. Then forget about him. He doesn't sound like he was ever interested in more than sex. But on the date, he did ask me questions about me. (Been on so many dates when men just talk about themselves). He told me he hadn’t dated for a while, but personality is so important to him and he doesn’t have a physical type. I felt like maybe he was open to serious dating and he did like me as a person going to the gym now feels so awkward and that makes me quite sad. Something feels off and I now feel ignored when I’m at the gym. Like he doesn’t care to see me anymore Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 23 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: this guy, wanted to leave the first date so we could make out in the car. And then he started sucking on my breasts but he didn’t ask me first. And touching me down there and because we were in the car it felt a bit exposed so I moved his hand away. Something felt off. I would imagine it would, lol. I'm surprised you didn't mention that prior. No offense, but we get a fair number of fake posts around here and I'm not sure I believe this post is real. IF it is, sorry you experienced this rather aggressive move on the part of this person. At any rate, I'm going to drop off from this thread. GL Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 11 Author Share Posted October 11 7 minutes ago, mark clemson said: I would imagine it would, lol. I'm surprised you didn't mention that prior. No offense, but we get a fair number of fake posts around here and I'm not sure I believe this post is real. IF it is, sorry you experienced this rather aggressive move on the part of this person. At any rate, I'm going to drop off from this thread. GL It is real. This happened but I brushed it off as him being passionate in the moment with me. My friends told me it sounded normal and I’m just being a little prudish. It wasn’t really that aggressive I just thought he could have asked me first 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 10 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: But on the date, he did ask me questions about me. So? Some people, myself included, are naturally talkative and inquisitive. That doesn't mean much in terms of whether he was looking for more than sex. 4 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: My friends told me it sounded normal Your friends are evidently not that experienced with men if they think this is normal. Sorry. Don't take advice from people who are this dopey. Them having partners means little if their standards are this low. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted October 11 Author Share Posted October 11 1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said: So? Some people, myself included, are naturally talkative and inquisitive. That doesn't mean much in terms of whether he was looking for more than sex. Your friends are evidently not that experienced with men if they think this is normal. Sorry. Don't take advice from people who are this dopey. Them having partners means little if their standards are this low. One more thing I asked if we could communicate over WhatsApp instead of instagram and he said ‘that’s for clients’ so I haven’t even got his number Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 6 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: One more thing I asked if we could communicate over WhatsApp instead of instagram and he said ‘that’s for clients’ so I haven’t even got his number Remind me again why you want this guy. He's a dud. Throw him back. Link to post Share on other sites
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