Sparky1_1 Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 Hi i have been on 3 dates with a girl (both mid 30’s) I get early vibes that she is potential ‘relationship material’ First date we went for drinks for a few hours second date we went for a walk and coffee third date she came round mine for food and a cuddle/kiss on the sofa, nothing more i dont want to give the impression that all I want is sex, because it’s not what o just want. what point is it okay to advance to bedroom whereby she won’t think they all i want is sex? I went to be respectful but I know we both want it she’s coming round my house in a couple of days again Interested from a females perspective cheers Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 11 Share Posted October 11 You take it to the bedroom when the cuddles and kisses get hotter and heavier. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 (edited) 12 hours ago, Sparky1_1 said: i dont want to give the impression that all I want is sex. I went to be respectful but I know we both want it she’s coming round my house in a couple of days again I agree with basil. I would also suggest that you plan a date and do something that isn’t cooking a meal, watching a movie, cuddling and kissing at home. If you don’t want her to think that you are only interested in sex then you have to date her - go out and have some fun together. This shows her that you want to get to know her as a person, that you want to have fun with her/she will enjoy spending time with you, and that you are not all about the “home dates” - she can expect more than “Netflix and chill.” I remember watching a dating show a few years ago - the advice was first date, coffee/get to know you date. Second date, do something fun together. People bond over shared experiences - especially if you have to rely on each other to do something. Ie. Go rock climbing together, take a dance class, take a cooking class together, etc… Staying in is all good but not at the exclusion of actually going out and experiencing life together - getting to know each other and building a relationship. Edited October 12 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 There's not one correct answer to this. Every relationship dynamic is totally different depending on the personal preferences and values of the people involved. Being in your 30s this is something you should be able to gauge based on the feedback and cues you get from her. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 Everyone has their own pace they are comfortable with. Chances are if when you were cuddling and kissing she would have been willing to advance it to the bedroom if you asked. What you do is if they give you an opening keep on advancing it until they say no or tell you to stop. Always stop when they want you to but until then it's completely consensual and something you both want. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 I agree with basil67 and BaileyB. So far, your dates have been very low-key, and there hasn't been any mention of a strong attraction, like a magnetic pull between you two. I couldn’t really sense that from your messages. There was no "wow" factor, which is fine if you were just testing the waters. But if things continue like this, they might start to feel stale. Even if she's into you now, that could become a problem for her soon enough. If you want something long-term with her, start asking the right questions, getting to know her on a deeper level. Make her feel like you've got her back. And plan to go out of your way for her in some way. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture, like hiring a band. Sometimes, the small, thoughtful details mean more. Plan a fun date that shows you put in effort based on what she likes, and arrange everything yourself. She’ll be impressed. I remember once my partner planned a date for me, but it was poorly thought out. He took me to an Indian restaurant, and after dinner, we planned to grab dessert somewhere else. But when we arrived, the ice cream shop was closed. He got frustrated, and since nothing else was open nearby, the night just ended awkwardly. So put in the effort, even for the little things, because those small details can make a big difference in how the relationship grows. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted October 12 Share Posted October 12 (edited) On 10/11/2024 at 7:59 AM, Sparky1_1 said: she’s coming round my house in a couple of days again Interested from a females perspective I'd contact her before this and ask whether she'd prefer your original plans of an in-home date, or if she'd like you to treat her to a nice dinner out, or someplace else she'd like to visit. If she opts for your place, put effort into a clean, soft-lit environment. If you're cooking or ordering takeout, find out what she likes and have it prepped and warming in advance, so you can focus on her and serve when appropriate. Flowers and wine would be a nice touch. Follow the advice above. If she opts to go out, she wants to share more experiences with you, and you've shown her that you're open to that. Learn near the end of the date whether she wants to end up back at your place or would prefer to be dropped off at home. If she invites you in, follow the advice above. Edited October 12 by Leihla_B 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts