Kerik Posted October 12, 2024 Posted October 12, 2024 (edited) I went on two dates with this girl, both in our early 20s. First date was great and she was enthusiastic about the second. That one didn't go so great with escalation and I took it a bit personal. I tried to schedule a third date at the end of the second (for Monday next week) but she was genuinely busy as she needed to finish school work before a trip the next week. I texted her Monday afternoon for a Wednesday date that next week and she took until the next morning to respond and apologized that she was really busy (she was). She's been doing this consistently over the week when I've asked her for some advice on places to visit in her home city through the week (for vacation as well). She's apologized for being busy/missing my messages a few times. She at least thumbs upped a date for this next week but usually responded enthusiastically before, and also sent a detailed reply of great places to visit. I understand that my texts aren't that important but is taking 12-24 hours to respond during a busy week and vacation weekend seem reasonable? I'm not sure if she's interested in me given my behavior during the last date and don't want to get my hopes up for a date next week (even though she thumbs upped it). Thanks Edited October 12, 2024 by Kerik
SurfCity Posted October 12, 2024 Posted October 12, 2024 2 hours ago, Kerik said: That one didn't go so great with escalation and I took it a bit personal. What does this mean? If you started pouting or got literally angry, then she's trying to slow fade you because she's scared of you now because of your reaction. 2
Kerik1 Posted October 12, 2024 Posted October 12, 2024 (edited) This is OP, just from another account. I just said "Sorry sorry sorry" and pulled my hand away immediately, but then detached from her a little bit during the date. I never tried to escalate again because I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. I still engaged a bit during the date but not as much as before the rejection. Definitely was not angry or visibly disappointed (pouting/angry face), but she could probably sense that I was a little detached/turned off given that I wasn't as repsonsive as before. I completely respect her decision/boundaries though and am open to taking it slow. By the way, I did walk her back to her place late at night and we hugged after parting ways, so I'm pretty certain she's not afraid of me and can hopefully trust me with her safety. Also, as I mentioned, she simply thumbs upped my message for a date next week though she usually responds enthusiastically with heart reactions or texts like "Sure!", "Yes!", or "I'd love to!". Consider also that she was busy with schoolwork this week (had told me she would be after our last date btw) and is now on vacation. I also did text her yesterday morning to stay safe and that I'll see her next week but she hasn't even seen my message despite having been online after I sent it. She did this throughout the week but she usually responded within 24 hours; it's been over 24 now. Any advice on where to go from here? I plan on asking her again for Thursday but don't know how to formulate my message. Should I bring up that I'm sorry about last time and I'd like to make it up to her. I'm genuinely interested in her and kinda feel bad about how I reacted. Also sorry for the detail. Edited October 12, 2024 by Kerik1
Kerik1 Posted October 12, 2024 Posted October 12, 2024 (edited) By the way, we did hold hands and I did put my arm around her shoulders on the first date so I was surprised by the rejection. Mind you the first date was in public so maybe she was more comfortable; the second date was in my room. I honestly didn't want to do anything more than just cuddle but I guess she feared that I would cross a boundary and there'd be nobody around. Also, just to fill in some details, she told me to text her when I reached back safely to my place but I didn't as I wanted to give us some distance and come back to the situation after I'd sorted out my emotions so that I didn't do anything stupid. I then texted her 4-5 days after asking her out again. Edited October 12, 2024 by Kerik1
SurfCity Posted October 12, 2024 Posted October 12, 2024 (edited) 3 hours ago, Kerik1 said: but she could probably sense that I was a little detached/turned off given that I wasn't as repsonsive as before. So you did pout. And then you didn't text her that night and waited a week to text her again. Quote I completely respect her decision/boundaries though and am open to taking it slow. You sure didn't act like that's true and she can't read your mind. All she had to go on is a second date in your room, you trying to have sex and then being cold when you didn't get it, and then you waiting 5 days to contact her after that. A second date in your bedroom is boring. Many people are not ready to have sex on the second date. Just because someone holds your hand or let's you put your arm around their shoulders does not mean that they're ready for sex the next time they see you. Pouting/going quiet after you don't get the sex you want is extremely unattractive and low key scary because it shows that you're not in control of your emotions when you don't get your way. People who are OK with going slow and not rushing into sex act like it. You acted like the exact opposite. Waiting 5 days to contact someone makes you look disinterested. Just ask her out again and she'll either say yes or avoid answering. Edited October 12, 2024 by SurfCity 2
Leihla_B Posted October 12, 2024 Posted October 12, 2024 5 hours ago, Kerik1 said: ... she told me to text her when I reached back safely...I then texted her 4-5 days after... Yet you're deflated by responses from her within 12 to 24 hours when she warned you that she's cramming schoolwork and traveling? C'mOn. Pipe down; you'll learn where she stands when she returns from her trip. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted October 13, 2024 Posted October 13, 2024 15 hours ago, Kerik1 said: I just said "Sorry sorry sorry" and pulled my hand away immediately You provided no context here. You said sorry for what? Pulled your hand away from where?
BreakOnThrough Posted October 17, 2024 Posted October 17, 2024 Just match her energy, it's really that simple.
Alpacalia Posted October 17, 2024 Posted October 17, 2024 (edited) Hey OP she is probably scaling it back a bit since the last date was not as great. You're trying to escalate so soon turned her off and she may be trying to take it things slower before going on another date with you. Thumbs up is kind of a neutral reaction - it's not a rejection but it's not an enthusiastic yes either, so it's really hard to tell if she is interested anymore. Edited October 17, 2024 by Alpacalia
Gaeta Posted October 17, 2024 Posted October 17, 2024 On 10/11/2024 at 10:59 PM, Kerik said: She's been doing this consistently over the week when I've asked her for some advice on places to visit in her home city through the week She is not interested anymore and you don't seem to get it.
Els Posted October 20, 2024 Posted October 20, 2024 Which one of you suggested that the 2nd date should be in your bedroom...?
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