Acacia98 Posted October 29 Share Posted October 29 (edited) On 10/13/2024 at 3:27 PM, MarkP said: I guess what really sowed the seeds of confusion in my mind was if the roles were reversed and I knew a woman that was interested me and it wasn't reciprocal, then I wouldn't ask about applying for a job where she worked and definitely wouldn't meet up with her, even for just a casual lunchtime coffee, as I wouldn't want to send out the wrong signal. Maybe that's the difference between men and women, or is it just me lol! Some possibilities: - Perhaps she's not the most emotionally intelligent person in the world. - Maybe she treasured the idea of having you as a professional contact and is simply doing what she'd do with any other professional contact. - Maybe she gets these requests from plenty of guys and views them as par for the course. And maybe when she rejected you indirectly, she expected you to take the hint the way the other guys did in the past so that you could have a functional professional relationship. On 10/16/2024 at 7:54 PM, MarkP said: I 'll just say I understand and that's fine but if she ever changes her mind the offers always there. You need to learn to value yourself, OP. Stop begging her (this is essentially a passive-aggressive version of begging someone to like you). If she doesn't want to be with you, that's fine. It doesn't make you a lesser man. Close that door and allow yourself to notice other women. Eventually, when you meet someone you like who is excited at the thought of spending time with you, that is the woman you should focus on. 20 hours ago, MarkP said: I know this was one of the outcomes that could happen but it feels like I don't have real closure. Let's be honest, OP. It wouldn't have mattered if she'd rejected you directly. You would still have found a reason to continue kicking the can down the road. Edited October 29 by Acacia98 1 Link to post Share on other sites
maggiemtn Posted October 30 Share Posted October 30 I’ve just read this whole thread and you were asked what if she doesn’t outright say she’s not interested, is that enough for you? Obviously not because it is plain as day she is not interested! And you keep going! This is selfish and honestly kinda rude at this point. As a passive person who would get intense anxiety in these kinds of situations, I would drop MAJOR hints if I’m not interested and expect a half-understanding person to pick up on that. If they didn’t, then I’d to crawl out of my own skin and dread their text/call/running into them. Of course that was my issue alone, but come on, man, she really can’t be any more clear than bordering on rude and you’re just forcing her to do it. Just stop. Move on! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted October 30 Share Posted October 30 21 minutes ago, maggiemtn said: As a passive person who would get intense anxiety in these kinds of situations, I would drop MAJOR hints if I’m not interested and expect a half-understanding person to pick up on that. If they didn’t, then I’d to crawl out of my own skin and dread their text/call/running into them. Of course that was my issue alone It’s definitely not just you. I know many women who feel exactly like you about these things. They drop major hints and hope men would understand. This is completely normal. Unfortunately, many men have very fragile egos and need constant validation from women. So they choose to ignore those clear hints and block the reality of being rejected because they are too weak to accept and handle it on their own. Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted October 30 Share Posted October 30 On 10/28/2024 at 4:20 PM, MarkP said: I'd rather she'd said thanks, but no thanks/you're not my type/it'll never happen etc etc than just leave me hanging. You don't get to dictate how people respond. Quote I know this was one of the outcomes that could happen but it feels like I don't have real closure. She doesn't 'owe' you closure. That's an inside job that every adult needs to learn how to give to themselves. Quote I was thinking about leaving it week or two and then just saying something like : Oh, c'mOn, man. Just stop. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 31 Share Posted October 31 Dude. You need to stop. You don’t need to remind her that she deserves a good man who can care for her and her kids. She’s well aware of that, I’m sure. She just doesn’t want you to be that man for her. Please don’t contact her again. It is plain as day she is not interested and you’re going to make a spectacle of yourself if you refuse to accept that. Leave her alone now. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted October 31 Share Posted October 31 (edited) OP, at the end of the day it's your life. If you choose to continue pursuing this woman, no one here is going to do anything to stop you. But for your own sake, I hope you can take a step back from the entire situation and realize how much of your own valuable time you're wasting and how much damage you're doing to your self-esteem by going after someone who isn't attracted to you. You are worthy of so much more than you are currently allowing yourself. But your situation won't change until you yourself start to believe that you have the right to be happy with someone who is just as excited and unambivalent about you as you are about her. Edited October 31 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed reference to hidden content Link to post Share on other sites
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