After 7 years (at least) I've finally seen the light

[NeurodivergentMe]

But here’s the thing, I’m still struggling with these emotions. 
 

Years ago, I  met a man who I thought was amazing. Everything seemed perfect and I honestly thought I was head over heels in love. A pattern soon emerged, though where even though he would tell me he really loved me, the next week or month he would suddenly say that it was the wrong kind of love and break up with me and disappear for a few months. After which, he’d be back.

After years of this awful dance, he got me pregnant. When our daughter was a baby, I discovered that he had been running between me and his ex, hence the behaviour. He has an adult daughter who has cut him out of her life.

The emotional abuse used to be limited to him messing me about and complaining about my personality which is not quite right, apparently. It also included things like, him coming to me with accusatory comments after we had had sex that his testicles hurt and it must somehow be my fault. Also he would tell me things when he was drunk and then get angry when I asked him about them.

I think that what kept me there was the history. Or the physical attraction or both. Or wanting my daughter to have parents that are together. After another year of him pursuing me, I ended up sleeping with him again. Stupid, I know. Then, again the comments started. His testicles hurt, I taste funny whereas the week before I tasted ‘fresh as a daisy’, why do I answer the phone this way, women should always wear high heels blah blah blah. 
 

This time, I’ve really got the ick and have left him now. Usually it’s always him leaving me. I know there is nothing good here and I have been wasting my time but I still feel guilty about leaving him.

How can I feel better from this?

[Leihla_B]

On 10/13/2024 at 10:27 PM, NeurodivergentMe said:

I have been wasting my time but I still feel guilty about leaving him.

Guilty about what? Not waiting around for him to dump you again?