What's the correct response?

[basil67]

Not everyone is going to be really into you.  That's why you need to filter out those who aren't making an effort

[Gebidozo]

5 hours ago, fred123 said:

I never want to get played again.

Dude, she didn’t play you. She just wasn’t into you. 
 

5 hours ago, fred123 said:

I want to be that guy.

Then find a woman for whom you are “that guy”. Stop dating women who only see you once a week, if you think this isn’t enough. What does it matter how such a woman treats other guys? Why would you even care?
 

 

Edited October 23 by Gebidozo

[basil67]

 

5 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

 Stop dating women who only see you once a week, if you think this isn’t enough. 

This ^   

I would never date a guy who was only available once a week.  Doesn't matter if he's busy with sport, dating others or works a 60 hour week....if he's not reasonably available and keen, I'm out.

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, fred123 said:

It's never that simple. You don't understand what it's like to date a woman.

Oh, but I do. Dated a lot of them. And I’m telling you that you’ve got it wrong.

See, for example:

3 hours ago, fred123 said:

You have to not put pressure on her. I would like to see her 3 or 4 times a week if possible but il get told that's too needy.  Then the guy after me she wants to see him 3 or 4times a week cos she says "when you like a guy that's what u wantto do".  Funny enough never did that with me

This has nothing to do with putting pressure. She was honest with you, she admitted that she wants to see a guy 3 or 4 times a week when she likes him. Ergo, she didn’t really like you. Which she never bothered to hide.

From the beginning to the end, she treated you like someone in whom she isn’t that interested. Yet you insisted, for some reason, that she must like you. And now you want to portray her as a “player” or as a dishonest person just because she didn’t like you. Why is it so hard for you to accept that she simply wasn’t into you? Are you that fragile?

[basil67]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

You have to not put pressure on her. I would like to see her 3 or 4 times a week if possible but il get told that's too needy.

Did she tell you this is too needy?  Or did someone else tell you that?

[Acacia98]

3 hours ago, fred123 said:

Imagine how that makes me feel

Practically everyone who dates has experiences like those. If you can't handle them appropriately then you really shouldn't be dating until you've done the work to build your self-esteem.

Edited October 23 by Acacia98

[basil67]

26 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

Practically everyone who dates has experiences like those. If you can't handle them appropriately then you really shouldn't be dating until you've done the work to build your self-esteem.

Indeed.  My teens were a massive and mortifying learning experience.  Some wins and a whole lot of embarrassing mistakes.....mistakes mostly around confusing kissing and groping for actual romantic interest.   

[balletomane]

11 hours ago, fred123 said:

I do quiz about them cos then I can tell if they are into me

In your first post, you said that these are women you have seen for a couple of dates. You're expecting someone who's met you twice to give you the full details of her relationship history and to immediately start behaving as she did towards former partners. Imagine if someone bought eggs, butter, and flour, left them on their kitchen counter for a while, and got upset and frustrated when they came back and found that the ingredients hadn't magically turned into a cake. This is basically what you're doing here - expecting a readymade instant relationship with a woman you barely know, and getting jealous when it doesn't happen.

What people keep telling you, and what you don't seem to realise, is that you don't need to know what someone's past relationships have looked like in order to decide if you want to continue dating them. All you need to know is if you're happy with how they're treating you now. No comparisons are needed. If you want to see someone more regularly than once a week for seven months, then break up with that person and look for someone who is a better match.

[Gaeta]

10 hours ago, fred123 said:

I would like to see her 3 or 4 times a week if possible but il get told that's too needy. 

You had 2 dates and you want to see her 3-4 times a week??

It's normal at first you get 1-2 dates a week, then as the relationship progresses you get to spend more time together. Usually after you have established exclusivity then you can invest 3-4 times a week in someone. Trying to see someone 4 times a week right from the get go is crazy.  Who has time for 4 dates a week with someone they just met? After a while, when you're exclusive and you visit each other's place then yes because that includes visiting each other. 

So this woman did not want to give you more than 1 date a week. You gave it 2 weeks and then you realized she is not interested enough to escalate this to 2 dates a week. You drop her. End of story. How it should make you feel? You should feel nothing at all. Not everyone you go on 1-2 dates with will fall for you. 

[Leihla_B]

14 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Not everyone you go on 1-2 dates with will fall for you. 

True. One or two dates aren't even enough for you to know how much YOU like HER--or not. The whole point of dating is to get to know one another, not to jump straight into a committed relationship with a stranger.

[fred123]

On 10/23/2024 at 7:31 AM, Gebidozo said:

Oh, but I do. Dated a lot of them. And I’m telling you that you’ve got it wrong.

See, for example:

This has nothing to do with putting pressure. She was honest with you, she admitted that she wants to see a guy 3 or 4 times a week when she likes him. Ergo, she didn’t really like you. Which she never bothered to hide.

From the beginning to the end, she treated you like someone in whom she isn’t that interested. Yet you insisted, for some reason, that she must like you. And now you want to portray her as a “player” or as a dishonest person just because she didn’t like you. Why is it so hard for you to accept that she simply wasn’t into you? Are you that fragile?

She said that after we broke up. Had I known that at the time.  Yes I guess I need to keep working on myself. My therapist says I have a fragile ego

[fred123]

On 10/24/2024 at 5:16 AM, Leihla_B said:

True. One or two dates aren't even enough for you to know how much YOU like HER--or not. The whole point of dating is to get to know one another, not to jump straight into a committed relationship with a stranger.

I had a girl tell me on a first date that when she likes a guy she will pay for drinks and  if she vibes with him she has been on 48 hr first dates and I assume slept with the guy on th3 first date.  

So when I'm on that date what do I make of it when she doesn't pay for a drink for me and doesn't invite me back to hers. It makes me feel s*** when she says stuff like ' iv had long first dates with guys iv vibed and we went on a road trip"  😒 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, fred123 said:

I had a girl tell me on a first date that when she likes a guy she will pay for drinks and  if she vibes with him she has been on 48 hr first dates and I assume slept with the guy on th3 first date.  

So when I'm on that date what do I make of it when she doesn't pay for a drink for me and doesn't invite me back to hers. It makes me feel s*** when she says stuff like ' iv had long first dates with guys iv vibed and we went on a road trip"  😒 

We're talking about the same woman?   If so, you figure out that you didn't blow her away like the guy who she bought drinks for and slept with.  

As for how you feel, did you imagine that this woman was your total dream girl?  

 

[Gaeta]

3 hours ago, fred123 said:

I had a girl tell me on a first date that when she likes a guy she will pay for drinks and  if she vibes with him she has been on 48 hr first dates and I assume slept with the guy on th3 first date.  

So when I'm on that date what do I make of it when she doesn't pay for a drink for me and doesn't invite me back to hers. It makes me feel s*** when she says stuff like ' iv had long first dates with guys iv vibed and we went on a road trip"  😒 

If l was a man l would have thought she's an idiot with no commun sense, no self guards, who runs on adrenaline fumes . Why in the world would you want to be with such women? 

You fall for every darn woman you meet. You don't exercise any judgement toward them. You don't care if they're good, kind, honest, responsible.  You need to start using that judgement!

[Gebidozo]

6 hours ago, fred123 said:

I had a girl tell me on a first date that when she likes a guy she will pay for drinks and  if she vibes with him she has been on 48 hr first dates and I assume slept with the guy on th3 first date.  

Err… I sense a deja vu here, haven’t you already posted a thread about a girl just like that? If so, then my question is: why do you keep being interested in such strange girls?

Or is it the same girl?.. You still can’t get over that? Man, you need to get a grip, you can’t suffer like this every time some girl tells you something tactless and totally unnecessary. What will happen when it comes to real heartbreak? You’ve gotta toughen up.

[BaileyB]

6 hours ago, fred123 said:

So when I'm on that date what do I make of it when she doesn't pay for a drink for me and doesn't invite me back to hers. It makes me feel s*** when she says stuff like ' iv had long first dates with guys iv vibed and we went on a road trip"  😒 

You pick the strangest women to try to date and inevitably end up disappointed when they don’t sleep with you and want to be in a relationship with you. 

The “perceived” rejection (the fact that she didn’t buy your drink or have sex with you) inevitably reinforces your negative self-esteem - your belief that nobody wants to date/be in a relationship with you. 

 

[fred123]

On 10/25/2024 at 9:51 AM, basil67 said:

We're talking about the same woman?   If so, you figure out that you didn't blow her away like the guy who she bought drinks for and slept with.  

As for how you feel, did you imagine that this woman was your total dream girl?  

 

What do u mean figure out that I didn't blow her away like th3 guy she bought drinks for?

[fred123]

On 10/25/2024 at 12:14 PM, Gaeta said:

If l was a man l would have thought she's an idiot with no commun sense, no self guards, who runs on adrenaline fumes . Why in the world would you want to be with such women? 

You fall for every darn woman you meet. You don't exercise any judgement toward them. You don't care if they're good, kind, honest, responsible.  You need to start using that judgement!

I need to pick better. Just don't understand a) why women say these things to me

b) how does a man respond to these comments and actions from a girl.

Yh I need to toughen up but it's hurts my self esteem especially when u like the girl and u vibed with her on the phone for 2 weeks and she showed high interest initially.

Just hate it and feel like crap when women make me feel like not worth it and make me feel insecure. If they aren't interested why don't they just leave th3 date and say it? Why even bother hanging around me if I disgust them physically?

[Gaeta]

3 hours ago, fred123 said:

Just don't understand a) why women say these things to me

They say these things because, as we learned in this thread,  you quiz them about their past relationships. You take this questionning too far, and you don't ask the right questions. 

[Gebidozo]

6 hours ago, fred123 said:

a) why women say these things to me

Either because you do those strange quizzes to them, or because you keep choosing strange women. Probably both.

 

6 hours ago, fred123 said:

b) how does a man respond to these comments and actions from a girl.

I told you many times, either don’t ask those silly questions about their past, or stop dating girls who volunteer such information. 
 

6 hours ago, fred123 said:

Just hate it and feel like crap when women make me feel like not worth it and make me feel insecure.

Women don’t make you feel insecure. You make yourself feel insecure. 

 

6 hours ago, fred123 said:

If they aren't interested why don't they just leave th3 date and say it? Why even bother hanging around me if I disgust them physically?

Probably because the women you keep choosing are insecure as well and would date even someone they don’t particularly like. They probably think that even bad dates and bad sex are better than nothing. Which is exactly the same as what you think. You are willing to waste time, effort, money, and emotions on lousy dates. It’s no surprise that you attract like-minded women.