Online date asked how many women I'm dating right now

[max3732]

This is someone I've been messaging about a week. We had planned to go out, but she said she wasn't feeling well and want to go out next week.

We were just chatting and out of nowhere she asks "How many women are you dating right now?"

Is this a normal thing to ask someone you haven't met yet? I have the 1 woman I'm trying to figure out a long distance with and other than that a few online matches with 1 or 2 messages and another 1 I have a date with this weekend.

My question is at this stage is it appropriate for me to have to share any of that or should I just tell her I'm not dating anyone yet? For me dating doesn't include people you haven't even met yet or have only met once. Doesn't it imply you're seeing them on a regular basis?

I'm a bit confused

[basil67]

You answer with the truth: You have a date lined up with one person and are talking to another couple of women.  

  

[Alpacalia]

Well, you're currently dating a couple of women (long distance one and the one this weekend) so @basil67response seems appropriate.

[Gaeta]

Ask her what she means by dating? To me dating is seeing someone on a regular basis, something like grabbing a first coffee with someone is not dating. Maybe when you ask her what she means by dating she will rephrase her sentence. 

[max3732]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Ask her what she means by dating? To me dating is seeing someone on a regular basis, something like grabbing a first coffee with someone is not dating. Maybe when you ask her what she means by dating she will rephrase her sentence. 

That's how I feel too. If I get 1 reply back from someone with an online app or site I don't think we're dating. I've also recently had a date set with a woman and then she unmatched me a day before. I don't think we were dating

I asked what she meant and answered about my situation of talking to a few people online. 

Her next reply was that I had asked her out before she was sick and she wants to make it clear when she goes out with someone she expects the man to not only pay for the meal, but for her ride share to/from the location if we don't meet within walking distance of where she lives. 

Her exact phrase was "I will not spend any money on the man nor spend any more going to the date... it is all his effort and my effort is my beautiful lovely company"

That seems a bit odd to me to say the least. Of course I was already planning on paying for the meal, but the place we're meeting has free parking. I'm guessing she doesn't have a car either?

People ask how I'm still single, but this is what I'm navigating with these dates. I'm a bit confused

[Leihla_B]

13 hours ago, max3732 said:

My question is at this stage is it appropriate for me to have to share any of that

No, and it's inappropriate of her to ask. OLD is about meeting people to learn whether you are a good match. How many people you choose to meet or date again is none of anyone else's business.

10 minutes ago, max3732 said:

she wants to make it clear when she goes out with someone she expects the man to not only pay for the meal, but for her ride share to/from the location if we don't meet within walking distance of where she lives. 

Her exact phrase was "I will not spend any money on the man nor spend any more going to the date... it is all his effort and my effort is my beautiful lovely company"

She sounds obnoxious. I'd wish her good luck with that and pass on meeting her.

Edited 9 hours ago by Leihla_B

[Alpacalia]

She is most likely asking because she wants to know if you are casually dating other people or if she is the only person you are interested in. Some people may view talking to multiple people or going on multiple dates as "dating" even if it hasn't progressed to a serious relationship.

I think you should pass, you both have different different priorities I don't think this is a good match. Although I do understand why she would ask, maybe she's had bad experiences where the guy she's been on a date with expected her to split the bill or pay for her own expenses. 

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

 

Her exact phrase was "I will not spend any money on the man nor spend any more going to the date... it is all his effort and my effort is my beautiful lovely company"

Where the heck do you find these women? Is this the same woman who said she is strict with men or someone different?

I liked it when a man paid for our first date. I didn't tell any of those men though, l let them be themselves. If they were not the way l'd liked them to be l moved to next. 

She sounds bitter and wanting to make the next man pay for it.

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

maybe she's had bad experiences where the guy she's been on a date with expected her to split the bill or pay for her own expenses. 

When that happenned to me l just moved to next. That's dating. No? 

She might as well tell him how to talk, how to walk, and manipulate him into being the man she's looking for. Why not just shut up and meet men until she finds her match.

 

Edited 7 hours ago by Gaeta

[max3732]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Where the heck do you find these women? Is this the same woman who said she is strict with men or someone different?

I liked it when a man paid for our first date. I didn't tell any of those men though, l let them be themselves. If they were not the way l'd liked them to be l moved to next. 

She sounds bitter and wanting to make the next man pay for it.

This is from the same dating app, but a different woman. Supposedly it's supposed to be higher caliber women. You can see how well that's working for me.

I've paid for every first date I've ever been on in my life and like it when women say "thank you" and also if they offer to pay, but back down once I tell them I have it. Of course I don't tell them that before the date.

This just rubs me the wrong way. I want to be a provider for the woman I date and marry and to take care of things for her, but this bugs me. Same as if she said "I expect the man to open the door for me". I just open the door for a lady without thinking about it. 

I don't know if there's something in the water where I live or what, but I'm still struggling to find a decent woman, let alone find one I'm compatible with. That's also why I'm devastated after 1st or 2nd dates when I think things went well and she rejects me. I have to go through so many hours of messaging and weed out odd women just to get to the date.

Hopefully the one I have this weekend will be better. The only thing I don't like about her is she has a youtube channel and posts a lot online. I watched one of the videos and I can't imagine anyone watching them since it's basically her saying "I'm going to the store now. These are my friends at this restaurant," etc

[basil67]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

I don't know if there's something in the water where I live or what

This is online dating for everyone.  You've got to sort the sheep from the goats.   And any person who selects themselves to be a 'higher calibre' date is someone to be avoided.  The fact they put themselves there to start with tells you they are vain and entitled.

 If you're feeling "devastated" by someone deciding it's not right for them after one or two dates, then you're getting far too overinvested.  Devastation is for the breakup of an committed relationship which has sustained a reasonable period of time.   You could do a better job of guarding your heart and managing your expectations

You say that you want to be a provider for the woman and take care of things for her.   What exactly does this mean?   Do you want her to stop working, or are you planning that your money is "ours" and her money is "hers"?     Would you be happy being married to a woman who loved her career?

Edited 3 hours ago by basil67

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, Gaeta said:

When that happenned to me l just moved to next. That's dating. No? 

She might as well tell him how to talk, how to walk, and manipulate him into being the man she's looking for. Why not just shut up and meet men until she finds her match.

I suppose, but maybe the OP is trying to date these women as well. If he's trying to date multiple people while he's trying to make the long distance work? So it's kind of unclear what it is he's looking for. I could see where a woman would get the impression that the strapped for shoes he's really in no position to start anything new right now.

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

Supposedly it's supposed to be higher caliber women

What exactly makes these women of a higher caliber?