Did I muck up this first date, or was he just not into it?

[KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela]

On 10/20/2024 at 9:19 PM, Leihla_B said:

How is that cooled down? This convo was today. It sounds like when he has clarity about Thursday, he'll let you know.

I appreciate your optimism....but shocker....he didn't let me know about Thursday. 

I haven't heard from him since Sunday. 

 

So, I guess that's that. 

 

It's just so strange to me that....he was interested enough to ask me out the very next day. And then suddenly....meh. 

[Leihla_B]

1 hour ago, KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela said:

I appreciate your optimism....but shocker....he didn't let me know about Thursday. 

I haven't heard from him since Sunday. 

So, I guess that's that. 

It's just so strange to me that....he was interested enough to ask me out the very next day. And then suddenly....meh. 

Sorry to hear that. Consider that most of your comments focus on assessing his interest in you rather than yours in him. If you look at it through that lens, you weren't exactly wild about him, anyway. You wrote:

Quote

So, we met up at the restaurant, and conversation went well. He was cute. I think we are pretty different people, so I am not sure things would work out long-term. But, for a dating situation and see where things go? Sure.

Well, that doesn't sound as though the two of you struck any great simpatico.

I'd consider reframing your focus. You're fabulous, and instead of dabbling around in people who, as you say, "not sure things would work out long term," you're not going to pretzel yourself to appeal to the wrong people. The RIGHT person for you will view you through the right lens--hold out for him. Allow 'meh' matches to pass early so you can find HIM. You'll take away some stress, you'll relax into who you are, and you will thank yourself.

Head high.

[Acacia98]

4 hours ago, KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela said:

I appreciate your optimism....but shocker....he didn't let me know about Thursday. 

I haven't heard from him since Sunday. 

 

So, I guess that's that. 

 

It's just so strange to me that....he was interested enough to ask me out the very next day. And then suddenly....meh. 

I've noticed that folks who partake in weed can be flakey while under the influence. So that might explain his disappearance. Generally speaking, though, I think you should just assume you're not going to hear back from this guy. That way, you won't be disappointed whether or not he reappears.

Also, it's probably in your best interest not to waste time with guys like this. Inasmuch as you said you had no illusions about where this situation would lead, it does sound like you're disappointed and it does kind of feel (to me) like all the analysis and waiting you put into such scenarios is a waste of your time and energy. It can't possibly boost your self-esteem, so why do it?

Edited October 27 by Acacia98

[NuevoYorko]

I think you have made this all much more difficult and complicated than it needed to be from the start.

Consider, in the future, avoiding "hashing out the details" for a first meet from OLD.   It turned out fine, but there is no reason that you had to share about all the "pros and cons."  I would find that very off-putting.

Also you are so focussed on how interested he might be in you and you have not said even one thing about your interest level in him.  Yes, he's cute and you had a good time.  So, why not just see if there are more good times to be had - or maybe there are not.   

You don't have much of a baseline with this person, he's virtually still a stranger.   You won't be getting many answers about him until / unless you do get to know him more.  

Which begs the most important question:  Do you even want to?  He's moving, he is not looking for marriage (you are??) and he is interested in getting high, which you are not.

Where do you stand?