What are your thoughts on this

[Goodguy05]

So picking her up to take her to dinner I'm paying which is no problem at all. She lives about 5 K away and the venue is here around corner from me she has a car but expects me to pick her up. She asked last night as well similar scenario but wasn't dinner just to go watch an event. I would of thought she knows I'm paying and there's no issue there, it would of been nice if she at least made an effort to come this way. I even hinted what's traffic like but she didn't really answer the question just responded by saying let me know when your leaving. What are your thoughts am I overthinking this? Kinda not feeling it now not sure what or how high her expectations are. It's the same girl we been on a handful of dates shes driven here to my place before and I did ask if her car was ok and she said it's ok.  

[Goodguy05]

So the good news is she did drive out lol just didn't communicate she was on her way lol that saved the night 

[Acacia98]

If I were in your shoes, I would want her to make an effort too. As a general rule, it's okay to expect her to drive herself to the venue if she has a car and can drive. If she isn't mobile and generally expects you to do the work of driving her around, it's okay for you to decide that she's not right for you.

[Gaeta]

Which one is that? 

I am glad she took her car and did not expect you to always pick her up. I don't get that. If I am dating someone new I want my car everywhere I go so I am free to leave when I wish. 

How was the date?

[Leihla_B]

I'm a mixed bag on this. If she lived far away it would be ridiculous, but when a couple lives close enough to one another, it feels caring and protective to arrive and leave a place together. It just doesn't need to be the same person driving all the time. Glad she showed up. EnjOy!

[Goodguy05]

10 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Which one is that? 

I am glad she took her car and did not expect you to always pick her up. I don't get that. If I am dating someone new I want my car everywhere I go so I am free to leave when I wish. 

How was the date?

hey Gaeta, it went well but i'm exhausted lol but in a good way. Its the same one that went silent for 11 days she asked wen i was going to ask her out to the local arts centre we have here and sceduled all these things and suggestions. Was a strange night, we bumped into my ex there at this place lol almost walked straight into em. ive written about her on here long time ago that ex that is .that one was 8 yrs ago so long time now. strange though but i could see thru my peripheral vision the exes head was swivelling like a pinball macjhine trying to get a glimpse of me date lol. my date got me a strange little gift thoughtful tho, so wait for it......face moisturiser and .....a nose and  ear hair trimmer lol. 

Edited October 20 by Goodguy05

[Goodguy05]

10 hours ago, Leihla_B said:

I'm a mixed bag on this. If she lived far away it would be ridiculous, but when a couple lives close enough to one another, it feels caring and protective to arrive and leave a place together. It just doesn't need to be the same person driving all the time. Glad she showed up. EnjOy!

good point. noted.

[Gaeta]

6 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said:

my date got me a strange little gift thoughtful tho, so wait for it......face moisturiser and .....a nose and  ear hair trimmer lol. 

Laughing out loud by myself here LOL

Is she hinting something lol

[Goodguy05]

57 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Laughing out loud by myself here LOL

Is she hinting something lol

yes becuase i know i get nose hairs and ear hairs lol

[Alpacalia]

On my first date with someone I proposed we meet half way out of courtesy.

There's no reason you need to pick her up at this juncture.

Ps.

I'm glad that you're getting your nose and ear hair trimmed 😆😜

Edited October 20 by Alpacalia

[Goodguy05]

24 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

On my first date with someone I proposed we meet half way out of courtesy.

There's no reason you need to pick her up at this juncture.

Ps.

I'm glad that you're getting your nose and ear hair trimmed 😆😜

haha  

[MsJayne]

3 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

wait for it......face moisturiser and .....a nose and  ear hair trimmer lol. 

😬😬😬 I dare you to return the thoughtful gesture and gift her some face wax and a tube of toothpaste on your next date.

[Goodguy05]

1 hour ago, MsJayne said:

😬😬😬 I dare you to return the thoughtful gesture and gift her some face wax and a tube of toothpaste on your next date.

Lol

[Leihla_B]

17 hours ago, MsJayne said:

😬😬😬 I dare you to return the thoughtful gesture and gift her some face wax and a tube of toothpaste on your next date.

Haaah! How about deodorant?

[Alpacalia]

20 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

haha  

Did you find it endearing that she brought that, or were you like, "what the heck, what are you trying to say exactly?" Can you imagine if a man brought like hair dye on a date saying "hey. I noticed a few grays...." 😂

Edited October 20 by Alpacalia

[Gaeta]

If she works for the company Remington then it's a cute gift but if not then...it falls in the 'weird' early gift category.

I can't wait to see what's next! 🤪

[Goodguy05]

Ok so recently I been dating this girl I've posted about before. Things have been going quiet slow but that's ok and not this issue. 

My question is and I'm keen to hear feedback, what are the expectations a lot of woman or men have when dating from each other? More I guess a question for woman that I ask I'm interested to know.

So as an example to highlight what I mean, the girl I been dating I've been paying for all dates, apart from a dinner one evening which I paid for, it hasn't been that expensive, but, her expectations are to be picked up as well most times, even if the venue we're going to is my way so I am going to her out of the way not that far though maybe 5kms picking her up then backtracking  to the venue, when it would of been easier on me at least if she came this way and then we can jump in my car which we have done on one occasion. We always use my car and petrol. So all this culminated in me drawing a line recently just over a week ago where her schedule changed and I told her and also felt like this, (why bother that's what I told her in the text) because I'm not feeling like I'm that important. I don't mind paying but I would have thought she would contribute in some way. She isn't working so I get it but at least an effort to drive here sometimes. It's funny one night I was just asking her some random questions from the internet and one of the questions was is she a giver or a taker and she answered it depends on the person and I immediately knew what she meant. So she will give to friends but me I feel like takes, she takes more than gives.

At the moment we're on ice after her schedule changed and my response. She did apologise that night but more so sorry if she made me feel bad she didn't mean to but no self awareness of why I responded that way. I emojied her response with a thumbs up but chose not to follow up because I feel like what is it exactly that I'm following up? She's taking more than giving so it hasn't inspired me to ask her out again and I haven't heard from her either after the apology. 

So all this got me thinking is this normal this kind of standard? do woman expect all of this and more from a man when dating? I don't wanna compare with other relationships I've had that were long term but it wasn't like this. 

Edited November 10 by Goodguy05

[Marka]

Some women do, some women dont. It is compatibility issue. If you want a woman who is less attached to gender role, you need to find her. It is absolutely fine to expect a contribution from a girl either in effort terms or money terms or both. This girl seems to want really old school dating, it sounds it isnt working for you and you want someone more progressive.

[Goodguy05]

3 hours ago, Marka said:

Some women do, some women dont. It is compatibility issue. If you want a woman who is less attached to gender role, you need to find her. It is absolutely fine to expect a contribution from a girl either in effort terms or money terms or both. This girl seems to want really old school dating, it sounds it isnt working for you and you want someone more progressive.

Thanks Marka that makes a lot of sense. Now I get it, it's old school dating style vs progressive and we are different when it comes to our expectations. 

[Gaeta]

You said she isn't working then you said her schedule changed?

Edited November 10 by Gaeta

[Goodguy05]

26 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

You said she isn't working then you said her schedule changed?

I meant she isn't working which is seperate to schedule changing. The schedule changing was me trying to arrange a date last saturday week. She said she would be free after 1pm so at 2pm i asked her to a art gallery thing which she had wanted to do, then she said she would be ready in another hour thats what i meant to schedule change. It normally wouldn't bother me that kind of thing and the art gallery was closing at 4pm. But when i thought bout why it did, it was an accummulation of things like paying which like i said i didn't mind but also picking her up using my car and gas and a few times i asked her out she would be only free on her schedule so i at that point thought why even bother with her.

[Gaeta]

Do you know why she is not working?

[Goodguy05]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Do you know why she is not working?

she came back from Korea after being with her mum before her mum passed for a few months. she may have a job now as she said the last time we spoke she had gotten a job as a care worker. But we haven't been out since.

[Acacia98]

Does she ever do anything that makes you feel like she's giving? For instance, she may not pay for dates or drive, but maybe she's offered to make sandwiches (or something) for a picnic? Or maybe she's done something else really thoughtful that touched you? For instance, getting you little gifts or helping you out with useful information. If she hasn't ever done anything along those lines, then she's a taker and it's not just about preferring old-fashioned dating. Your average person doesn't feel comfortable, taking, taking, and taking endlessly. Most people will want to do something nice in return. 

Anyway, I totally understand why you haven't seen her again. Personally, I got exhausted just reading about how skewed things were between you two. I like balance, and this definitely was not it.

Of course there's always the possibility that her mum's passing has affected her behavior. Do you think that's possible?

Edited November 10 by Acacia98

[Gaeta]

Ok, l just wanted to confirm she's not a chronic unemployed person.

I don't think you have mentionned before that she is Asian. To me that explains a lot of her behavior. In the Asian culture, and others will punch in on that topic, the man pays, provide, and yes does the driving. 

Cultural differences can be negociated if she is a person with an open mind and other aspects of her culture she won't be willing to negociate. 

If you want to continue dating her you need to talk about your cultural differences ...now.

My bf and l are from different culture, race, religion. In our very first dates we spoke of how flexible we are with our beleif.  

One of the cultural differences my bf struggles with is letting me pay for our dates. Letting me pay is like crushing his male ego so once in a while l will crush him by purchasing  a weekend away & l tell him to shut up and enjoy 😊.