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Friend being aggressive


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Last night a friend asked how I got on at the gym. She said she misses going because of her feet as it is painful, she has plantar fasciitis. I said I hope it eases soon. She then laid into me saying I should not say that and it will never get better and kept having a go at me for thinking positive. 

I am really annoyed because I know a few people who have had plantar fasciitis and they have resolved it through their hard work and following doctor’s recommendations. She has had this issue for 2 years but won’t do physio exercises or lose weight as the doctor recommended as she says she keeps meaning to do it.

I am annoyed she thinks it is ok to chew my ear off about this foot issue she does nothing to resolve and then have a go at me for saying I should not say it will ease as she believes it will never go. She won’t even bother to help herself.

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You did nothing wrong by expressing hope that she's over it soon.  But as someone who's suffered crippling plantar fasciitis, I can tell you that her response is coming from a place of ongoing pain and frustration.   

For what it's worth, I also found no help at all from physiotherapy or podiatrist recommendations, so you have absolutely no right to judge or get annoyed at her for finding no help either. But what did help me was a friend who told me to do ice baths for my feet, once a day for a couple of weeks   You might want to suggest she researches it.    Then I got orthotics for my shoes

Edited by basil67
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11 minutes ago, basil67 said:

You did nothing wrong by expressing hope that she's over it soon.  But as someone who's suffered crippling plantar fasciitis, I can tell you that her response is coming from a place of ongoing pain and frustration.   

For what it's worth, I also found no help at all from physiotherapy or podiatrist recommendations, so you have absolutely no right to judge or get annoyed at her for finding no help either. But what did help me was a friend who told me to do ice baths for my feet, once a day for a couple of weeks   You might want to suggest she researches it.    Then I got orthotics for my shoes

She has not even attempted to sort this issue. At least you tried. Thanks for advising about the ice baths and shoes, I can let her know. I just don’t like being snapped at, I am a good person.

Edited by Angel29
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ExpatInItaly

You seem to have several friends who have the social skills of a badger. 

 

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42 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You seem to have several friends who have the social skills of a badger. 

 

I met them at a ‘social’ group. I regret joining as these people have caused nothing but problems and are negative. Friends I made elsewhere have been positive.

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Does she react that way about other things?  If not, and this isn't  a pattern, I would write it off as frustration over this one issue.

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1 hour ago, Angel29 said:

She has not even attempted to sort this issue. At least you tried. Thanks for advising about the ice baths and shoes, I can let her know. I just don’t like being snapped at, I am a good person.

I'm sure you are a very good person.  It's just that her response is not about you - it's coming from a place of pain and frustration.  

FWIW, my solution removes the pain (and according to my podiatrist, is a last option because it can be harmful) but it doesn't fix the cause....so without doing the work or getting orthotics, it will come back anyway.   There may come a time when an appropriate response will involve calling her out on not having helped herself.   It's not much different to a friend who keeps complaining about a toxic partner but refuses to leave.   We all have our limits as to what we can deal with from others

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42 minutes ago, Leihla_B said:

Is this a one-time snap, or does she speak to you this way regularly?

She has done it a few times before 😢

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Just now, Angel29 said:

She has done it a few times before 😢

Okay, that's too bad, and I'm sorry to hear it. How did you respond to those times?

Given the repeat offenses, I'd pull back contact. If she contacts me, I'd reply that I'm taking time to process her hostility toward me. I'd leave it there. If she reacts with defensiveness instead of an apology, I'd not respond at all. I'd move on to the friends you mentioned who aren't aggressive.

If she apologizes, I'd thank her for that and tell her I'll message her soon when it's a better time for me.

Head high, and screen out people from your life who take you for granted as their dumping ground. 

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I've had plantar fasciitis and I got rid of it, (eventually), by losing weight, wearing arch-supporting footwear, massaging my feet using a small rolling massage tool on the soles, and doing physio exercises. So, there's no reason for your friend to be making out like she's got a life-changing condition. Much less is there any reason for her to be abusive towards you. I'd front her about it, probably via text so I wouldn't have to cop another load of aggression. She needs to either apologise for the abusive behaviour or get lost. Just because she's feeling sensitive about things doesn't give her the right to be a b***h. 

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ShyViolet
8 hours ago, Angel29 said:

She has done it a few times before 😢

Ok then why would you continue to remain friends with this person?  If a "friend" had a habit of snapping at me and being rude to me, that would be the end of that friendship.  I don't tolerate rude people in my life and neither should you.

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On 10/19/2024 at 4:29 PM, MsJayne said:

...there's no reason for your friend to be making out like she's got a life-changing condition.

Let's say you're right about this on behalf of those of us who are unqualified to know. Regardless of whether someone's suffering is a minor head cold or a serious life threat, who among us knows the perfect thing to say to someone who is in pain beyond, "I hope you'll feel better?" It's a universal wish for a suffering person.

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Much less is there any reason for her to be abusive towards you.

You're also right about this. OP was positioned in a no-win, because what she said wasn't even offensive. A well-wish is not a presumption of a prognosis, it's just a wish.

I'd be blown away by someone attacking me for that.

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