Weekend Silence: a Weekday Connection Without Depth

[SEASON_WINTER]

This week, I matched with a younger man, 45, recently divorced in July after a 12-year marriage. When I asked if he had recovered, he said not fully. I shared my experience meeting a freshly divorced man who kept mentioning his ex-wife.

From Monday to Friday, he initiated daily conversations, sharing details about his meals, workouts, hobbies, and office life. He also sent me photos of the moon, one of his hobbies. However, by Friday night, when he sent another moon photo, I didn't reply as I was out for dinner.

He mentioned meeting five women before me, none of whom clicked, and asked how many men I'd met. I told him I don’t usually stay in touch to avoid sending the wrong message. Despite living five minutes apart, he didn’t suggest meeting up over the weekend. His frequent texting seemed to indicate interest, but the lack of plans made me doubt it.

On Saturday, he didn’t text at all. When I finally responded to his Friday message, his reply was brief, which reinforced my feeling that I’m just a "weekday text buddy." Now, I suspect he's not the right match for me.

[Leihla_B]

21 minutes ago, SEASON_WINTER said:

I’m just a "weekday text buddy." Now, I suspect he's not the right match for me.

Any kind of text buddy isn't a good match unless texting is all you're seeking. That's just a waste of time, IMO. I'd invite him to meet for a quick coffee to check one another out. If he balks and holds up an excuse, just say, "It was great connecting with you. Feel free to contact me if you'd like to schedule a date."

'Next' him and move onto setting up coffee with someone else.

This thing about women waiting for men to ask for a date? That's fine, but this isn't a date. It's just a fast introduction. You can usually tell within 15 - 20 minutes whether you're attracted enough to accept a real date rather than wasting a whole night on a full date with someone you don't enjoy.

Edited October 19, 2024 by Leihla_B

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, SEASON_WINTER said:

When I asked if he had recovered, he said not fully.

Then why did you pursuit this? You've been through this already. You're supposed to know better.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, SEASON_WINTER said:

However, by Friday night, when he sent another moon photo, I didn't reply as I was out for dinner.

So, when did you actually reply? 

1 hour ago, SEASON_WINTER said:

On Saturday, he didn’t text at all. When I finally responded to his Friday message,

I dont quite understand the timeline. He texted you Friday, you didn't respond, then you are upset that he didn't double-text, so you "finally" responded to the message he sent you? Or am I not understanding this correctly? 

[basil67]

6 hours ago, SEASON_WINTER said:

On Saturday, he didn’t text at all. When I finally responded to his Friday message, his reply was brief, which reinforced my feeling that I’m just a "weekday text buddy." Now, I suspect he's not the right match for me.

Does it not occur to you that his brief message and lack of asking for a date might be related to you having left him on read?   Our actions (or inactions) have consequences

[SEASON_WINTER]

7 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Then why did you pursuit this? You've been through this already. You're supposed to know better.

Yes, I am wary. The previous man has a daughter and he still dine out with ex wife and daughter (family bonding for kid). this man has no kid. I plan  to observe his behaviour during meet up (if there is one). I can see some red flags from previous man’s communication as he still talk a lot abt ex wife. 

[SEASON_WINTER]

8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

So, when did you actually reply? 

I dont quite understand the timeline. He texted you Friday, you didn't respond, then you are upset that he didn't double-text, so you "finally" responded to the message he sent you? Or am I not understanding this correctly? 

His last message on Friday was a photo of moon (his hobbies is moon photography) and his comments is today's moon is better than than Thursday's. On Thursday evening, he sent a number of similar photos (nicely taken and unsuccessful ones too).

I responded on Sat evening "nice capture! Lunar day 16 moon is indeed more beautiful than Lunar day 15". After 2 hours, he replied "as usual,  the 15th moon is not as fuller than the next day".

 

[SEASON_WINTER]

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

Does it not occur to you that his brief message and lack of asking for a date might be related to you having left him on read?   Our actions (or inactions) have consequences

This thought came across my mind too. Perhaps his past few days of texting has been too overwhelming and i thought not to respond every message. The last message on Friday is a photo in fact.

[ShyViolet]

Ok so, why didn't you suggest meeting up?  

[SEASON_WINTER]

1 hour ago, ShyViolet said:

Ok so, why didn't you suggest meeting up?  

i was not feeling well earlier this week so didn't initiate it.

probably will initiate coffee session as @Leihla_Bsuggested (if there is any follow up).

[Gaeta]

4 hours ago, SEASON_WINTER said:

I plan  to observe his behaviour during meet up

I'm sorry but he said he's not fully recovered from his breakup, what is there to observe! He will date you while he licks his wounds then he'll discard you. 

You just went through something similar why are you jumping right into the same thing? Maybe this one will not talk about his ex but she's still using up all the space in his head...he told you already.

Why not just pass and find an emotionally available man. 

[SEASON_WINTER]

3 minutes ago, S2B said:

Have you confirmed that he is actually divorced?

any man who goes more silent on the weekend normally has someone else he’s around that distracts his attention ton you/and keeping in touch with you compared to his weekday schedule.

I would be suspicious if he’s actually an available man.

did you do a background check?

I start to be suspicious when I observed difference in weekday and weekend "attitude".

I'm afraid not able to do background check.

 

[MsJayne]

If you only matched with him this week he may have assumed you already had a fully booked weekend, particularly since you were busy Friday night when he texted you. 

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, SEASON_WINTER said:

His last message on Friday was a photo of moon (his hobbies is moon photography) and his comments is today's moon is better than than Thursday's. On Thursday evening, he sent a number of similar photos (nicely taken and unsuccessful ones too).

I responded on Sat evening "nice capture! Lunar day 16 moon is indeed more beautiful than Lunar day 15". After 2 hours, he replied "as usual,  the 15th moon is not as fuller than the next day".

Ok, so does it not pccur to you that you are not coming across as particularly interested?

I don't get your thinking. You are apprehensive about his message back to you a couple hours after you took a day to reply. Girl, what? You can't have it both ways. It's fine that you replied the next day if you were busy or ill, but I don't see why are then put off by his rather lacklustre response to you. If you want to see where this might go, match his energy.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

3 minutes ago, S2B said:

Her lack of response was after he didn’t ask to see her at all on the weekend

That's not what she said: 

4 hours ago, SEASON_WINTER said:

Perhaps his past few days of texting has been too overwhelming and i thought not to respond every message.

And this:

15 hours ago, SEASON_WINTER said:

I didn't reply as I was out for dinner.

And if she didn't want to reply because he wasn't asking her to meet, then who cares if his last response back was "without depth"?

[SEASON_WINTER]

27 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Ok, so does it not pccur to you that you are not coming across as particularly interested?

I don't get your thinking. You are apprehensive about his message back to you a couple hours after you took a day to reply. Girl, what? You can't have it both ways. It's fine that you replied the next day if you were busy or ill, but I don't see why are then put off by his rather lacklustre response to you. If you want to see where this might go, match his energy.

 

not sure if I am apprehensive about his message which took a few hours to come back. Share on my thoughts. His energy level is so different between weekday and weekend. During the weekday, there are a few occasions which I didn't respond on his messages (i hit the sack then), he double text the next morning and conversation continue. I can imagine people can be busy on weekend. Maybe I am over-analyzing this connection. 

[SEASON_WINTER]

33 minutes ago, S2B said:

Her lack of response was after he didn’t ask to see her at all on the weekend - especially after so much contact during the week. That usually indicates someone else is at home with him.

how much was he texting during the week at night time? Consistently or just a quick text with no back and forth? 

Weekday night ...he initiates at different timing...7 plus, 8 plus and our text conversation will go on till 10 plus. 

Our distance is like 5 mins (by car) and i just concerned why he never initiate meet up. Sharing more, at start of first conversation, he asked if I encountered bad experience from online dating. I told him there are many scammers and i don't have much worse encounter. He said he met 5 ladies and have been unpleasant experience (he said some ladies have high expectations, he described as princess syndrome).

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, SEASON_WINTER said:

His energy level is so different between weekday and weekend. During the weekday, there are a few occasions which I didn't respond on his messages (i hit the sack then), he double text the next morning and conversation continue. I can imagine people can be busy on weekend

So why not assume he's also got things going on? 

I don't see how his lack of a double-text after you didn't reply until Saturday means his enegry is different. He might be busy, or hoping that you would take the initiative to continue the conversation rather than him resorting to double-texitng again. People usually advise against double-texting someone in the early stages - maybe he decided to step back a bit and see if you would pick up where he left off. 

Personally, I think you are reading too much into that.  He's probably trying to figure out whether you are actually interested in talking to him or not. 

 

[Gaeta]

7 hours ago, SEASON_WINTER said:

Our distance is like 5 mins (by car)

 

Someone that got his sh%t together will not chat 2 hours a night when he's 5 minutes away. He will want to see you, he will say let's grab a coffee or go for a walk at our local park.

The guy has not mentionned meeting, not even once, during 10 hours of weekly chat!! He is wasting your time!! 

[Sony12]

OP do you have any evidence that this guy is truly local to you. Does he seem familiar with the general area you two live?

[Lotsgoingon]

What's the point of asking someone if they are fully recovered if you are going to ignore the answer.

He said "no."

Therefore, you say no. You say good luck and you move.

Instead, you decided to bang your head against a wall. 

[SEASON_WINTER]

1 hour ago, Sony12 said:

OP do you have any evidence that this guy is truly local to you. Does he seem familiar with the general area you two live?

Yes , he can point out the place very well. During the chat conversation , we touch on food option , transport etc, 

 

[SEASON_WINTER]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

 

Someone that got his sh%t together will not chat 2 hours a night when he's 5 minutes away. He will want to see you, he will say let's grab a coffee or go for a walk at our local park.

The guy has not mentionned meeting, not even once, during 10 hours of weekly chat!! He is wasting your time!! 

late morning Sunday , I text him a small message saying “cool day. Have a great Sunday “ with photo of some fresh flower .. He responded by asking quesuon etc. then conversation stopped. Late afternoon he send me a photo of two kingfishers he snapped at his block this morning. Conversation continued….he then told me he is having flu over the weekend. 

 

[basil67]

19 hours ago, SEASON_WINTER said:

This thought came across my mind too. Perhaps his past few days of texting has been too overwhelming and i thought not to respond every message. The last message on Friday is a photo in fact.

No, I meant the opposite.  He sent you the pic and *crickets* from your end.   You could at least have responded with 'Nice!"  

That said, he may be keen on moon photography, but what's with the moon spam?  Surely, sending you his best two or three shots ever is enough.   Do you talk about anything else? 

[SEASON_WINTER]

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

No, I meant the opposite.  He sent you the pic and *crickets* from your end.   You could at least have responded with 'Nice!"  

That said, he may be keen on moon photography, but what's with the moon spam?  Surely, sending you his best two or three shots ever is enough.   Do you talk about anything else? 

the moon "spam" was to share on some of the successful takes. perhaps to share that it takes patience to have a good photo. 

Yes, we talked about other topics....food, hobbies, events happen in our society etc.