Are bars good places to make friends?

[lemonicetea]

I’m really in the market to make some new friends. A while ago (like before the pandemic) when I was lonely my mom suggested I should try hanging out in social places like bars and casinos and just talk to everybody who appears friendly. I never took her advice, because I quite frankly thought it sounded like an awful idea for a number of reasons, but now I’m having second thoughts. 

I’ll admit it, since I don’t drink my experience in bars is rather limited. I know people go there looking for hook ups, but do people really go to bars looking for platonic friendships? If so, how exactly do I got about doing that? I don’t exactly have the confidence to walk up to somebody I’ve never seen before and ask them if they want to go mall walking with me.

I know I really need to work on my small talk game. I read a how to guide on line that suggests that you break the ice with something relatively generic like “cool t-shirt” or “do you know any good pizza places?” Okay fair enough, but how do we go from “I love your nails” to “let’s do this again next Saturday” in the span of minutes? 

[Lotsgoingon]

Some bars yes. Some no.

You have to go and hang out at the bar or go and order something and see. It's interesting. Lots of times I have thought, "I'm not a bar person." And then I go to a bar (usually with a friend) and the vast majority of the time, I like the people there. Maybe this is a guideline: if the bar is in a neighborhood that you like, or an area you like, go for it. 

I've landed at bars just out of looking for good places to eat. And if I find a good place to eat, very good chance that if they have a bar, I will like the people at the bar as well. 

Just go out. Actually going out to a bar alone is good practice in making yourself feel comfortable. 

Now, don't assume you're going to fall madly in love. Just go and say hi to someone nearby. Start a little conversation. Little conversations can turn fun quite quickly, even if you aren't interested in the person. 

Edited October 20 by Lotsgoingon

[Alpacalia]

My sister sometimes goes to bars alone. She has met a few people that way. I recently had a networking event and I sat at the bar alone until they arrived. A man and I had struck up a conversation and while it didn't lead anywhere (I left shortly thereafter to join my group), we ended up having a very nice conversation!

So, you never know!

Agree with @Lotsgoingon--> it's good practice to get yourself comfortable interacting with strangers and step outside of your comfort zone.

[basil67]

A couple of my friends have established a very large, solid friend group through the local pub.  But aside from their ages, and that the get along well, the common factor is alcohol.   So if you're not a drinker, I doubt you're going to enjoy being around a group of people who are getting drunk.

I'd suggest you go the route of using hobbies - have you had a look at MeetUp?  Or local things on Facebook?   I've met a number of lovely women through crafting together

Also, you won't get from the point of 'love your nails' to 'can we do this next week'.   Making friends involves meeting them a number of times while you build a rapport, then when the rapport is established and you enjoy seeing each other at the meet, then you move to catching up outside the meet up.

[Leihla_B]

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

...have you had a look at MeetUp?

This was my thought, exactly. Meetup.org has all different kinds of social groups formed by anyone willing to manage them for those with similar interests. Some of these meet at bars, pubs, and restaurants, but it's usually with an agenda--a book club, a volunteer group, a political group, a specific type of music lovers group that follows live music.

These groups will give you topics of interest to discuss, and if you reply to the group leader, they will make a point of welcoming you and introducing you to others.