rogersm Posted October 20 Share Posted October 20 (edited) I have been together with my girlfriend for about two years. We don't live together, but plan on moving in soon with each other. Our relationship has been good in my opinion. We have disagreements from time to time but not many and usually we resolve them quick. Fast forward to this week. My father went into the hospital and had emergency surgery. He was in ICU for a few days but now doing better and hopefully getting out soon. My girlfriend has been great asking if she can help and saying she will do anything I need. We hadn't seen each other most of the week until the other night when we had plans already so I left the hospital to see her. Today she let me know that she was worried that I only made time for her cause we had something already planned out and wouldn't have otherwise. She feels that I have somewhat ignored her during this time that he's been in the hospital even though I did see her when I could. But most of my time has been spent at work and visiting him. I feel she is being a little selfish and should understand that I want to be with my dad. We text all day and I made time for her Friday and Saturday. Am I in the wrong and what can I do to help this situation? Edited October 20 by rogersm Spelling Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 20 Share Posted October 20 How old are you two? you can’t be wrong by having feelings. I would discuss how you feel with her and let her know so you can talk about it. Hope your dad is improving. Generally, a sick family member you love takes priority over most things. See how she feels about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rogersm Posted October 20 Author Share Posted October 20 We are in our mid to late thirties. I want to tell her how I feel but I also don't want to feel like I'm not listening to her and pushing her to the side. It's a tough situation Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 20 Share Posted October 20 58 minutes ago, rogersm said: what can I do to help this situation? I think this is a question that you should ask her, not us. What is she expecting you to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 20 Share Posted October 20 Yes, in my book, she is being selfish. There will come times in your life when she will have to take a back seat, or you will take a back seat, because of emergencies. She/you should understand that taking the back seat for our bf/gf is an act of love. Relationships are not always about us and about receiving. She thinks if you call less or see her less it's because your feelings are changing. It's not the case. You could re-assure her that you want to spend the rest of your life with her but right now you need her support, not pressure. If she does not understand that, l would hold on moving in together. We see someone's true character in hard times, not when all is dandy. Those disagreements you have time to time are they related to selfishness as well? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted October 20 Share Posted October 20 I don’t think that you’re in the wrong. I also think that it was selfish of her to complain in this case. It’s not that you went away and didn’t see her at all for a year, or spent a week completely ignoring her. You had something important to deal with, yet still showed her attention. She must understand that she can’t always be the top priority for you in any situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted October 21 Share Posted October 21 7 hours ago, rogersm said: My girlfriend has been great asking if she can help and saying she will do anything I need. I'd ask her what happened to this ^^^ and if she's willing to consider putting herself in my position if one of her parents were ever hospitalized. Yes, she's being selfish by making any of this about 'her,' and I wouldn't cater to it. I'd ask her to step up for me as she volunteered to do, and to not add more stress to a difficult situation. In return, I'd promise that if the situation is ever reversed, I'll offer her the same flexibility and benefit of doubt. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 21 Share Posted October 21 If she can’t be supportive and patient when family is that sick - then she may not be the right match for you. you should always tell her how you feel. She needs to know and understand it’s not always about her! And if she expects it to be - end it. you need a partner - not a primadonna. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted October 21 Share Posted October 21 Yes, she's being very selfish and immature by not understanding that your Dad being in the hospital is a very legitimate reason for you not to have time to see her for a few days. Link to post Share on other sites
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