How long until commitment?

[sharrod88]

So i generally hear how people date somebody months on end up until a year before they make things official. From my point of view as a guy, i assume that girls want commitment from men fairly quickly than waiting a year, but in this generation i seem to be wrong about this. People seem to wanna stay in that 'talk here and there' 'see each other here and there' dating phase for quite some time. I also assumed that staying in that phase for too long, you risk the girl moving on to another guy if you don't commit to her.

So my question is: How long do you typically wanna stay in the dating phase until you're ready to commit?

I know you may say "however long it takes until i feel i know them", so generally on average how long does that take for you making that person wait until you're ready to make it official? I know it's a person by person case, but just your best guess.

[basil67]

By "this generation" do you mean Gen Z? 

I'm old, so am not much help to you, but I did date vicariously through my Gen Z daughter.  She dated one guy at a time, and if the first date wasn't great she didn't go back for a second date.   If she really liked him about about four dates in, she'd want exclusivity and if he wasn't ready, she'd move on.   She's currently in the process of having an engagement ring designed with her bf of three years.  I remember after the very first date when she met him, she told me knew that she was onto something good.    All her friends are in really solid relationships too.  Not to say it doesn't happen, but I think labelling it as 'generally' is a bit of a stretch.

I would be confident in saying that if a two people are dating and one or both aren't interested in moving the relationship forward, then they just using the other as a placeholder.  If someone is really into you, they will not risk losing you 

Edited October 21 by basil67

[Leihla_B]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

I would be confident in saying that if a two people are dating and one or both aren't interested in moving the relationship forward, then they just using the other as a placeholder.  If someone is really into you, they will not risk losing you 

I agree. Also, in lots of cases, each person's goal for dating is a convo they have upfront, as in, first date or even pre-date. This way, a person who views themselves as committed relationship material and is seeking such a match can ask their date if they view themselves the same way. If the answer is only 'casual' or they don't know, then that's a clear 'No'. A smart relationship-seeker will move on from that person rather than stick around holding hopes of converting such a person to want what they want.

Some people intend to hold back on sex prior to getting serious, while others want sex early. Often early sex people will agree to be 'exclusive' only for health safety reasons. In these cases, exclusivity doesn't necessarily mean committed to a future together, it just means that they agree not to expose one another to other sex partners while they are seeing one another.

Edited October 21 by Leihla_B

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, sharrod88 said:

So my question is: How long do you typically wanna stay in the dating phase until you're ready to commit?

My answer to this question would greatly depend on whom I’m dating and what exactly I want from that woman. If I just like her fine and the dating is casual on both ends, then I could see myself staying in that phase until I’m not enjoying the connection anymore or until I find someone whom I like more. How long could that be? Hard to say, since casual dating has never really been my thing, but I did have a few short-term relationships that weren’t exclusive and they lasted a couple of months each. I can perhaps theoretically imagine having something like that for a longer time.

The point is, however, that such a non-exclusive relationship with a woman I’m not too passionate about would most probably never lead to a long-term commitment. I can’t see myself dating a woman for six months, still not committing to her, and then for some reason committing to her three more months later. If I don’t like her that much, why would I commit to her at all? And if I do really like her, why would it take me such a long time to realize that?

How fast do I commit to a woman I truly like and am passionate about? Why, right away, of course. That is, the moment I understand that I truly like her. Which doesn’t take long. Sometimes it’s three-four dates, sometimes sooner. 

[Gaeta]

What do you call commitment? Do you mean exclusivity?

I am generation X, I have a millennial daughter and a generation Z daughter. All of us expects exclusivity pretty fast. Actually my Gen Z daughter and her friends are the fastest at getting exclusivity. Guy meet a girl they're interested in and boom! they're exclusive on first date, they even call it being in a relationship and all. The difference is that in the Gen Z they often date people they know in real life, a friend of a friend, someone they met at a party, the ex-bf of their friends, etc. 

Anyway, please describe what you mean by commitment so we can elaborate.