She hate me?

[blind_otter]

I had a very very close best friend, from when I was 8 yrs. old until about age 23. At that point, I was splitting up with exhusband, although we were legally married we were on the fast train to divorce land. When my exH was still living with me, but signing the lease for his own place - he was moving in a month, I went to visit her in TX to help her move. She knew that I was splitting up with my exH.

 

Anyways, long story short a guy she had been chasing for months met us for drinks and he hit on me. He was cute, I flirted back. We ended up going out to dinner and I spent the night at his house. But SHE NEVER TOLD ME that she was that upset. Just pouted.

 

Anyways, weeks later the guy calls me. I'm back in FL and he says that my friend told him I had an STD and he should get checked out. Well, he didn't have one, but he called to tell me that my "bestfriend" was being nasty behind my back. The way he put it, he didn't know why I called her my bestfriend at all.

 

I called her, of course she didn't answer her phone. I left a message saying that she was a bitch to do such a thing, who puts men before friendship, and she wasn't even DATING him.

 

Admittedly I went overboard, but spreading rumors about your bestfriend of 15 years is weak. She ended up being a casualty of the tech industry and move home, the city I live in.

 

Over the past 3 years I have approached her several times, online, in public. Trying to be friendly. I want to show her that I've forgotten about the past. I really need friends right now, who don't do drugs or drink all the time. But she is still a bitch to me.

 

I should give up on trying to rekindle our friendship, shouldn't I? I'm so vulnerable right now that I don't trust my own judgement. It hurts because I feel like she wronged ME more than anything else, could she just be embarassed about what she did?

[loony]

Anyways, long story short a guy she had been chasing for months met us for drinks and he hit on me. He was cute, I flirted back. We ended up going out to dinner and I spent the night at his house. But SHE NEVER TOLD ME that she was that upset. Just pouted.

You were her best friend and you shouldn't have done this. And if you were her best friend who knew how she felt, she wouldn't have to tell you that it hurt her what you did. If this had happened to me, I would wonder what a crappy friend I had. I'm not surprised that she is angry with you, I would. I guess, you didn't consider him the big love of your life, so why risk hurting your friends feeling for a one-night stand? She had been running after him for months, so you can assume that she did have feelings for him. It also must have hurt her ego that she had spent so much time pursuing him and then you came and snatched him away in one evening.

 

I should give up on trying to rekindle our friendship, shouldn't I? I'm so vulnerable right now that I don't trust my own judgement. It hurts because I feel like she wronged ME more than anything else, could she just be embarassed about what she did?

I doubt that she is embarrassed at all, if anything she is angry that you didn't apologize and are not able to see what you did to your so-called best friend.

[blind_otter]

You're wrong. I'm just saying.

 

There was a LAUNDRY LIST of guys she had been "chasing for months" - I think there were like 5 other guys on there. Were they all the "love of her life"?

[loony]

I still say, it was rude what you did.

[blind_otter]

And what she did was absolutely justified? Loony check your PMs.

 

Also you didn't really address my question, you just judged me. Thanks for the help.

[loony]

If you want her to talk to you again, go and apologize.

[blind_otter]

I did. I apologized 3 YEARS AGO. I apologized 2 YEARS AGO, I apologized LAST YEAR. Jesus. Hello, read the post.

 

Anyways, I just messaged her and told her I would leave her alone and never talk to her again. Of course she didn't respond. It pisses me off.

 

She stopped talking to me, but not when I went out with that guy. It was after I bitched her out for telling him lies about me behind my back.

 

I wasn't even INTO the guy. I was hurt that she went around behind my back and said nasty things about me, and never ONCE talked to me about the fact that she was hurt.

 

And years later she is just a bitch and ignores me when I do apologize and I don't make any mention of her nastiness to me.

[loony]

Ok, I'm not sure if you should not let her be and look for better friends. You're right, she doesn't seem to be a good friend either when she starts spreading rumours around when you do something wrong. If this is not her typical behavior, then I would assume though that you hit a nerve when you flirted with this guy. This is something you must address when you apologize. Recognize that what you did hurt her feelings a lot, not just a little bit, but a lot.

[reddog63]

So as I read your post I was surprised how you think she is in the wrong. Why would you go after a guy she was going after?? Funny thing is you dont even realize your in the wrong.

[blind_otter]

Jesus freaking christ.

[blind_otter]

I'm unsubscribing from my own thread.

 

I HAVE APOLOGIZED TO HER TEN THOUSAND MOTHERf***ING TIMES.

[lilmoma1973]

You're wrong. I'm just saying.

 

There was a LAUNDRY LIST of guys she had been "chasing for months" - I think there were like 5 other guys on there. Were they all the "love of her life"?

 

Sounds to me she was a player ... She shouldn't have told him that , she was jealous cause he liked you and not her.. My friend did this to me and i still to this day ,have had too much contact with her.. You was wrong to do that to a friend, but that doesn't justify the thing she done!! Not judging you at all .. She was your friend ,but you don't need to deal with this type of thing with all you are going through.. Good luck and congrats on being sober for so long ,im proud of you.. PM me anytime you need a friend!!

[loony]

Over the past 3 years I have approached her several times, online, in public. Trying to be friendly. I want to show her that I've forgotten about the past. I really need friends right now, who don't do drugs or drink all the time. But she is still a bitch to me.

 

I should give up on trying to rekindle our friendship, shouldn't I? I'm so vulnerable right now that I don't trust my own judgement. It hurts because I feel like she wronged ME more than anything else, could she just be embarassed about what she did?

Well, you do think that what she did was worse than what you did, don't you? And that shows in your apologies and that's why she is still pissed off. She is not fully aware that her behavior wasn't right, she sees it as a way of getting back to you. The question is, do you sincerely regret what you did, apart of her own behavior? If you say, I did you wrong, and you did me wrong and therefore we are even, it won't work. She doesn't perceive her behavior as wrong. She thinks you are the one who started it all and who is not recognizing that what you did was worse than her own actions.

[blind_otter]

I never said it like that. I have always said, I apologize for what I did to hurt you. Period.

 

For f***'s sake I have half a brain. Check your Pms Loony.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Why do you want to rekindle the friendship?

 

Is it because she was such a wonderful friend before the incident ... nostalgia for the past ... or because she's the only person you know locally who is outside of your normal social circle?

[blind_otter]

Why do you want to rekindle the friendship?

 

Is it because she was such a wonderful friend before the incident ... nostalgia for the past ... or because she's the only person you know locally who is outside of your normal social circle?

 

The latter, I suppose. I don't associate with hardly anyone any more. I realized that every person other than my family members that I associate with uses either alcohol or drugs or both. I may be able to associate with them at a later point in my recovery but right now I can't. They, like many people, don't understand that I Can't just go to a bar and not drink right now. I'm weak.

 

And she is the only person I know outside my current social circle, but honestly who knows. In the past 3years she may have developed a problem. She did dabble when I knew her.

 

Mostly I just wish she would at least have a conversation...with ME...about what happened.

 

One of my other friends (one of the few) saw her recently and he said he went up to say hi to her and she totally ignored him. Now, he didn't even DO anything to her, but he and I have been close for years.

 

What is so leperous about me that she can't even say hello to someone who is close to me??

[EnigmaXOXO]

I always thought it important to examine the reasons why we want or need certain individuals in our life first. I think maybe, even if it had gone the other way, you would recognize that you reconnected with her for all the wrong reasons. The friendship would probably fail to satisfy you on a deeper level. Especially with all the old stuff bubbling under the surface.

 

What is so leperous about me that she can't even say hello to someone who is close to me??

 

May not have had anything to do with you at all. If it did, my guess is that she has disassociated herself from a particular group of people in attempt to look after her own welfare … just as you may have to do. Sure, a polite "hello" probably wouldn't have hurt her, but different people have different ways of dealing with their residual resentments.

 

What plan have you come up with to gingerly handle the hurt feelings of your friends when they ask you to come out and play … and you can't? Are you prepared to burn some bridges of your own and deal with some fallout resentment should it come to that?

 

I know this can be one of those difficult transitional phases for someone in recovery. It was the biggest (and most painful) hurdle for my husband and daughter.

[blind_otter]

Hah. Actually it's already started to happen. All I have had to say so far is, "Hey guess what I did on Tuesday...I went to an AA meeting."

 

The few people I've talked to have been mildly interested but also kind of freaked out.

 

I'm going to my first NA meeting tomorrow night. It's a hot date, har har har. Gotta pick out my outfit.

 

I'm cooking a lot lately. See, you cook things from scratch, it takes up a lot of time. Also, yoga is good.

 

Of course, as usual, I am about to get my period, which only comes when I have the flu, a cold, stomach flu, or other times of stress or suffering. Like fate is saying, congratulations on seeking sobriety, here, have your period and cramps and a backache. Gee, Thanks.

[lindya]

Of course, as usual, I am about to get my period, which only comes when I have the flu, a cold, stomach flu, or other times of stress or suffering. Like fate is saying, congratulations on seeking sobriety, here, have your period and cramps and a backache. Gee, Thanks.

 

Oh yes. In the short term, at least, nature always seems to be ready to punish you for making efforts to improve your health! I suppose it's just part of the whole detox thing.....and if you're detoxing from heavier duty stuff than just junk food, it's going to be that bit tougher.

 

Lots of pampering baths, yoga etc. Nurofen is great for just about every sort of ache and pain, I find...and weird as it might sound, sipping plain hot water can often really help with stomach cramps.

[reddog63]

I had a very very close best friend, from when I was 8 yrs. old until about age 23. At that point, I was splitting up with exhusband, although we were legally married we were on the fast train to divorce land. When my exH was still living with me, but signing the lease for his own place - he was moving in a month, I went to visit her in TX to help her move. She knew that I was splitting up with my exH.

 

Anyways, long story short a guy she had been chasing for months met us for drinks and he hit on me. He was cute, I flirted back. We ended up going out to dinner and I spent the night at his house. But SHE NEVER TOLD ME that she was that upset. Just pouted.

 

Anyways, weeks later the guy calls me. I'm back in FL and he says that my friend told him I had an STD and he should get checked out. Well, he didn't have one, but he called to tell me that my "bestfriend" was being nasty behind my back. The way he put it, he didn't know why I called her my bestfriend at all.

 

I called her, of course she didn't answer her phone. I left a message saying that she was a bitch to do such a thing, who puts men before friendship, and she wasn't even DATING him.

 

Admittedly I went overboard, but spreading rumors about your bestfriend of 15 years is weak. She ended up being a casualty of the tech industry and move home, the city I live in.

 

Over the past 3 years I have approached her several times, online, in public. Trying to be friendly. I want to show her that I've forgotten about the past. I really need friends right now, who don't do drugs or drink all the time. But she is still a bitch to me.

 

I should give up on trying to rekindle our friendship, shouldn't I? I'm so vulnerable right now that I don't trust my own judgement. It hurts because I feel like she wronged ME more than anything else, could she just be embarassed about what she did?

 

My response was directly from what you wrote above. You said you had a very close friend. You come visit her. You know she has interest in this guy. You stay with him. And you capitalize after the fact that she never told you she was upset. So what.....her close friend slept with guy she was interested in. And you justify it because he is one of many.

 

So, she pulls a stunt regarding saying you have a STD. That was not the nicest thing but it probably shows how much she was hurt. Of course you top it off with calling her a bitch.

 

Now, you are getting pissed at posters because you said you already apologized. I can read your post and I do not get a sincere apology. You do not really own up to doing much wrong. You justified your actions for the most part.

 

I gaurantee if places were switched, she was visiting you and she pulled the stunt of spending night with guy you liked, you would be pissed too.

 

You both sound strong minded to me. Pride on both sides. Maybe she is too stubborn to accept the apology or maybe the apology was not sincere enough. From the above explanation of events before any comments posted, I would guess you werent totally sincere since you semi justified some of your actions.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Hah. Actually it's already started to happen. All I have had to say so far is, "Hey guess what I did on Tuesday...I went to an AA meeting."

 

The few people I've talked to have been mildly interested but also kind of freaked out.

 

Yep. The "sorting" process.

 

Your true friends will stick by you regardless and support your sobriety, but those 'associations of convenience' will feel alarmed by the changes you are making in your life because you no longer 'fit in.'

 

Kind of an eye-opener, if you ask me! But then again, I've always preferred quality to quantity, myself.

 

And cooking is great therapy … it's the cleaning up after myself that I suck at. And I've always preferred pounding out my frustrations on the treadmill, sorta feels like your running fast enough to leave everything behind.

 

You just keep doing whatever works!

[blind_otter]

I try.

 

Well I figure if I've apologized what else can I do? In retrospect she may very well have been avoiding the circle of friends because of the drugs and alcohol.

 

I'm so sensitive all the time now.

[morrigan]

I think part of it might due to all the uncomfortableness over the things both of you have said and done. Distancing herself from your friends, is the way some people distance themselves from an ex's buddies--just a way to get a clean slate, which she may feel is the best thing for her.

 

One of my bf's friends managed (miraculously) to get clean off of meth. He started staying away from his friends, but it still hurt him when his 'buddies' vanished while he was at the hospital, and stopped visiting his home when he was no longer cool to hang around with.

 

If someone feels contacting a former friend will bring up more pain than peace of mind, they just will prefer to leave the friendship in the dust, no matter if they feel you're truly sorry or not. It's sad but sometimes that's what is best for both people.

[Bunnylove]

I think you have no respect for the feelings of your so called friend. Sure maybe she did something stupid and immature and starting a rumour but it could have been worse. You put your own selfish needs before her feelings. She was obviously hurt by that. She must have felt betrayed as well as jelious as well as angry and more. She acted out of pain that you caused. YOU just acted out of a selfish need for attension. And now your feeling lonely you want your freind back. She is probably thinking that you are not worth being freinds with as she is better off without you. She wont trust you now, you blew it. Just do her a favour and leave her alone. I think you need see the truth here. Its very strange how you think SHE is in the wrong. Its alot more understandable I'm afraid that she would do that because she was hurt, comparing to what you did and why. I think she is better off without you and you with her. Let it die in peace.