Please tell me, there is hope!

[Trinity Her]

This is very heavy it’s been a really terrible year for both me and my long term partner. We’re both long distance and 24 years old. We’re located from CA but after graduating highschool, him and his family moved to Michigan. 

(History): We’ve been together for 6 years now almost 7. We’re high school sweethearts. Over time we both knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. He even proposed to me 1-2 years ago (he didn’t have the money for a ring, it was not planned. He was too heart broken of the distance and really wanted to take our relationship to the next level as we promised and looked forward to. He proposed as I was leaving to go back home.) I rejected his proposal because I wanted to finish school so I can be able to support ourselves to achieve our goals of a home and building a family. 

(Current): Due to the expenses of our economy, my bf could no longer afford his apartment. He had his own business but wasn’t happy with his job due to having to work 24/7 and bad sales, he had to close it so he’s currently jobless. He’ll be going back to school to obtain an AA and BA. He’s moving back in with his parents and apparently they’re getting a divorce. As much as he wants me to be there w him because he believes that definitely would’ve created a dynamic shift of our relationship. And make our situation better. He does not like the idea of us having to temporarily to live w his parents or relative until we’re financially stable to find our own place even if we’re only staying w them for 1-2 1/2 years. With everything going on, he doesn’t know what he wants besides the convenience of being able to see me and being w me whenever he feels like it rather than always having to wait for summer and the holidays. 
My situation, I have a year of school left to obtain my BA. And even that feels too long for both of us to wait. We both want to be together but he won’t allow me to be w him due to my approach of this. He also doesn’t support the idea of me restarting my life specifically school to be w him. He does not want me to regret for making that choice to be with him. He wants me to do something for myself, rather than me having to feel like I have to do something extreme in order to save our relationship. Despite me telling him how I’m having second thoughts about my major and career and the possibility of me restarting school with a different major. He also feels bored of the relationship as it has been the same routine of me with school. As he also doesn’t know how we both can make this work and move forward. What can I do for my case? 😞

[BaileyB]

Whatever happens, you will be ok. There is your hope - 

This is a difficult time in your life. It’s hard to know what will happen - nobody can predict the future. But whatever happens, it will be ok. Just know that. 

I think you both have to get yourselves to a more stable place in your individual lives before you can even begin to talk about moving in together or getting married. He has a lot that he’s dealing with related to his family, and you both need to finish school and get started in your careers. Only then would I start to think about possibility coming together. 

I’m sorry, this is likely not the answer that you wanted to hear, but it is the reality right now. Things will work out, however they work out. Focus on getting yourself to a good place so that you can support yourself and then be a good partner for someone. If you rush this, it’s going to be very difficult and the possibility that this relationship will be a long term relationship is very low. 

Best wishes. 

[Leihla_B]

2 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Focus on getting yourself to a good place so that you can support yourself and then be a good partner for someone.

I agree. When teenagers make someone else into their whole world, it stunts their development. Adolescence doesn't end at age 18. The prefrontal cortex of the brain, along with hormonal maturity, doesn't happen until mid-20's. So big life choices that will impact one's future during this time are premature.

While other teens have been exploring dating, making mistakes, cultivating interests and talents, and building a social life beyond one person, young couples have created a protective bubble around themselves that hinders autonomous development. They view one person as their lifeline instead of learning how to build their OWN lifeline.

You're both positioned to focus on that work now. If you resist that in favor of clinging to one another, it's not likely to work out well for either of you. Instead of viewing the world through a lens of getting in your way, consider embracing this time as one to grow and develop. Trust that if the two of you are a meant-to-be deal, you'll reconnect in the future once you've both reached your individual definitions of 'higher ground'.

Edited October 24 by Leihla_B