What do I do?

[2ndTryHusband]

New question folks. So as I’ve mentioned before, I do most of everything around the house, including care for our child. When we moved out of apartments and got a house, I expressed one of my major detractors as the need to take care of the lawn, mostly because I have bad allergies. While living with my brother for a while, he asked me to help him pull weeds, and within a half hour (with allergy pills in my system) I couldn’t stop sneezing, sniffling, and my eyes were so itchy and watery, he said he’d never ask me to do that again.

So when we got a house, my wife said she’d do the lawn if I took care of things inside the house. I called it a deal, but it started with her saying she couldn’t do the push mower part, then soon after, it turned into me doing the whole thing. Now, of course, I’m pretty much the only person that does the lawn. If I don’t do it, it doesn’t get done. I use this as just an example. There have been many other examples.

One of which, is when finances started to become an issue, my wife said she would start getting up early to make us lunches. This is a big deal because she is not a morning person and is the type of woman that wakes up 10 minutes before she has to leave and is ready to go and out the door on time. Me, on the other hand, I can’t stand to even be punctual. If I have to leave by 7, I’m getting up by 5 to eat, shower, and get ready. Which in recent times has been to make us lunches.

Enter this morning. My wife needs to go in early for work, and we only have one working car, so we drive together. She told me many times, so it was no surprise, but in my tiredness this morning, I forgot and woke up later than I’d like. She reminded me, and I proceeded to expedite my routine. With getting our son up, dressed and fed, and getting him set up for lunch, I did not have time to make us lunches. I load up the car at the time she wants to leave by, and she gets in the car and asks “Did you make us lunches?” I said “No, I didn’t have time.” To this she sighs and complains that our communication sucks and that I should tell her if I don’t have time to do things or wake her up earlier.

Now I know, I could communicate better, and sure, I should have asked her to make lunches when she reminded me we had to leave early, but am I really in the wrong on this? I feel like she should be helping on this stuff anyways, and it should just be “common sense” that she would need to help me to get some stuff done when we are limited on time in the mornings. Maybe I’m just feeling taken for granted that I’m gonna get up and do these things. I’m perfectly fine admitting I need to be better at communicating, but it’s definitely not just a switch I can flip. It takes time and practice. What do you all think?

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, 2ndTryHusband said:

What do you all think?

This relationship is very unbalanced and you need to assert yourself more in the relationship. 

Honestly, I struggle to understand why you would choose to stay in this relationship. I would be miserable - doing all the work and being blamed for all the problems/failures. . 

Edited November 4 by BaileyB

[2ndTryHusband]

I guess I’m a glutton for punishment. And I guess I’m afraid of being alone. I’ve not had much luck in the relationship world. My first marriage lasted 7 years, and we only knew each other for about a year before. Prior to that, girlfriends and such never seemed to last more than a year. I don’t think I’m a clingy person, and really I don’t know why I am not successful in relationships, but I think I feel like this is the best I can do.

[Els]

I feel like this belongs in your original thread, because it's just part of everything else that's going on in your marriage - namely, that it's going downhill really fast. At this stage I'm not sure anyone can help you two other than a few good counselors - one for you, one for her, and one for MC. It sounds to me like she's going through a major life crisis (someone in your other thread says it sounds like she never bonded with the baby, which sounds likely especially if she never wanted it), and that there are major issues in your relationship that need dealing with.

[MsJayne]

12 hours ago, 2ndTryHusband said:

she gets in the car and asks “Did you make us lunches?” I said “No, I didn’t have time.” To this she sighs and complains that our communication sucks and that I should tell her if I don’t have time to do things or wake her up earlier.

How about she be responsible for herself and get her lazy backside out of bed without having to be woken up like a teenager? She sounds like the type who when confronted always turns things around and makes you the bad guy. I suspect you may end up divorcing this woman when you get sick of being a doormat, but meantime maybe try explaining that you're sick of carrying her and she needs to step up and pull her weight around the house. What's with her not being able to use the push mower? I'm 61 with back problems and I mow my lawns, some of it uphill, so I think you're being fed BS there, unless she's a midget and can't reach the handles. Does she do the housework being as you're doing the outdoor stuff?  

[Georgia46]

Make the packed lunch the night before. Job done.  Mornings are far too stressful to be faffing.   Or even better.. buy lunch out. Sometimes it’s cheaper than buying all the stuff to make it. 

[Leihla_B]

You've allowed this woman to make you her whipping boy. She doesn't respect you, and unless you're willing to stand up for yourself, this will only get worse, not better.

[Gaeta]

It's 100% better to be alone than with someone like this who's slowly destroying you inside.

Who ever is supposed to make the lunches makes them at night. It saves so much time in the morning. I can't imagine a morning routine involving a 1 yr old baby & making lunches.

Hire a boy from the neighborhood to cut the grass.