Samaara Posted October 25 Share Posted October 25 Question in talking to multiple guys initally. I was talking to a guy for 6 months since May. he got serious pretty fast, told his parents before we even first met, told me he loved me after a month. I had to be careful it wasnt just love bombing. So that time i was also talking to another guy and stopped with him end of June. This guy in July tells me he wants to get married soon and asked if i was talking to anyone else. I told him i was but have since stopped, tho he msgs n i have to just let him know I'm not interested anymore. I told this guy straight up and he was initally upset but later ok. Now for 4 months our relationship progressed so well, i met his parents, we discussed marriage plans etc. Few days ago, after a nice day he started questioning me on that guy and blew up saying everytime he asks me my story changes on when we last talked and that I played him and lied. He forced me to show my phone history with him and i did, which showed june was the last we talked. He started comparing our msgs from those days saying oh this was the day i came to see u , this day i got you choclate and u were talkin to him still and 1 hr phone call on this day n this day. Made me feel like garbage. I never even met that first guy in person. I said to him i told you i was talking to someone when u asked in July honestly but stopped months ago. It took time for me to be on the same pg as u. He was grilling me and calling me a liar. I started crying and i never cry. He said i dont care how this made him feel that he was in love and serious, whereas i was exploring other options..and now we have stopped talking. Honestly, was it wrong of me to have been talking to 2 guys at the same time in the beginning two months? i never claimed to be exclusive but he says titles dont matter. I should have known he was serious from the getgo and he already told me he loved me and all. I made a mistake even telling him i know. This is just so distressing. We are both divorced and in our 30s. I tried to explain thats how it is in the beginning with pple u meet on the apps but he disagrees and feels played. What do u ladies think? Was i wrong and is he right to feel betrayed? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 25 Share Posted October 25 2 hours ago, Samaara said: was talking to a guy for 6 months since May. he got serious pretty fast, told his parents before we even first met, told me he loved me after a month. You're not wrong to date someone else, but these are the words of a guy who is not only over invested, but likely believed that you felt the same way as him. So, if you were going to date others, you should have managed his expectations. That said, I think you've dodged a bullet. I would have run a mile if a guy said this before we even met Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted October 26 Share Posted October 26 You just began to talk to that guy in May, and in July he already tells you he wants to get married soon? Why didn’t you run away from him at that point? It is a clear red flag when people rush into things with such insane speed. On top of that, he had issues with you talking to someone else and called you a liar. You definitely dodged a bullet here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 26 Share Posted October 26 lady here....run for the frickin hills. This has gone too sour to recover. This guy is way too much. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted October 26 Share Posted October 26 It's very concerning that you haven't recognized all the red flags in this guy's behavior. He was love bombing you, telling you he loved you and wanted to get married within the first few months of talking to you, and before you had even met in person if I'm reading this correctly? Anyone with a good head on their shoulders would stop talking to him at that point because that's not normal behavior. And then the controlling jealousy where he made you show him your phone and blew up at you for simply talking to another guy months ago? Why on earth didn't you stand up for yourself and end the relationship right then and there? The way this guy has been acting isn't normal at all, it's borderline abusive. You need to learn to recognize red flags like this and have higher standards for yourself before you ever date again. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted October 26 Share Posted October 26 I'm going against the cattle response and will say that you were not necessarily wrong, but could have handled the situation differently. It is not uncommon for people to talk to multiple potential partners when they are dating, especially in the beginning stages. You did not make any promises of exclusivity to either of these guys, and you were honest with the second guy when he asked about your communication with the first. However, in the future, it may be best to be more upfront about your situation and intentions when dating multiple people. When things start to get serious with one person, it's important to have a conversation about exclusivity and prior connections with other people. This can help avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings later on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted October 28 Share Posted October 28 But seriously, this guy sounds like a real piece of work and you should just move on. Yikes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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