He left me for his wife, has not contacted me, what might he be thinking just a few days out?

[Scott1087]

It has been probably the worst few weeks of my life. Logically I know what I need to do and feel, but my heart feels a different way, I’m human. We have spoke, cried, got the closure I guess I will get. I don’t believe a thing he says, but states he is at a hotel unless his wife leaves the house, he goes home and gets to see his child. States she is filing for divorce but is “tracking” his phone. I have been blocked by her he says. He also says she named me in the divorce agreement as he is not allowed to have contact with me. He has put in his notice at the job we share together. We have had a few shifts together, it’s hard, but we are both professional. I’ve definitely gone through all the stages of grief. 

[BaileyB]

24 minutes ago, Scott1087 said:

He also says she named me in the divorce agreement as he is not allowed to have contact with me.

I really hope you don’t believe this…

The purpose of a divorce settlement is to formalize an agreement between two spouses related to child custody, child support, alimony or spousal support, and the division of property. It cannot be used to control one’s spouse or prohibit contact with anyone. For goodness sake, if they actually divorce he will be a single man again - free to date, be in a relationship, or speak with whomever he chooses to contact… whether she likes it, or not.

When divorce results from infidelity, a woman is not even able to control whether the child’s other parent/former spouse is able to introduce the child to the affair partner (assuming the former spouse is in a relationship). Child custody agreements prioritize the best interests of the child. Infidelity alone is not usually the sole determining factor in these decisions. However, if the adulterous behaviour directly affects the child's well-being or the unfaithful spouse's ability to parent, it may be taken into consideration. The court's primary focus remains on ensuring a stable and healthy environment for the child. Unless there is more that you have not shared, she will not be able to argue that he is not fit to share custody and co-parent their child. Unfaithful people share custody of their children when they divorce. 

Glad that you are keeping it professional. Best wishes as you continue to move forward - 

Edited 18 hours ago by BaileyB

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, Scott1087 said:

He also says she named me in the divorce agreement as he is not allowed to have contact with me

Good lord, please tell us you actually believe this. That's not what divorce agreements are for, nor would that be included in one. He's full of horse dung there. 

This man lies. He lies to you, and he lies to his wife. It's time you wake up and smell the coffee, girl. He's been playing you for a fool. 

 

 

[stillafool]

15 hours ago, Scott1087 said:

I’ve definitely gone through all the stages of grief

Then you should be strong enough at this point to go NC.

[Liztaylor101]

I’m in a similar situation, except he left me when his wife hasnt found out about us. I think that’s more of a blow 🙈 I too was pregnant. 

[Scott1087]

Oh mine immediately left too. Blocked me. I just have to see him at work that’s the only way we’ve talked. 

[Liztaylor101]

5 minutes ago, Scott1087 said:

Oh mine immediately left too. Blocked me. I just have to see him at work that’s the only way we’ve talked. 

I only got to see him at an activity session thing both our children attend, but I’ve since changed the day and avoided seeing him face to face. I thought this would be easier for both of us, seen as we wasn’t talking anyway. But since I’ve changed it he’s noticed and reached out to meet a few times but I have no real idea of his intentions. Out of everything I’ve been through in life this is definitely the toughest, I feel deeply hurt by his actions and words, and feel like my nervous system is in turmoil. I’ve never experienced such deep rooted pain in all my life so my heart goes out to you. 

[Scott1087]

I feel exactly that way. But also feel I’m not the victim so I don’t deserve to feel this way. So I try to hide it and let him move on however that looks. 

[Liztaylor101]

10 minutes ago, Scott1087 said:

I feel exactly that way. But also feel I’m not the victim so I don’t deserve to feel this way. So I try to hide it and let him move on however that looks. 

100%. He ended things and although it broke my heart I couldn’t say him choosing his family over me was wrong. I have walked away and haven’t kicked up a fuss, I’ve left him be and haven’t even messaged him. He’s reached out to me a few times and I’ve remained civil and brief, I haven’t turned toxic and threaten to tell his wife anything, I’m hurt but I still care about him, and he’s happy which gives me some happiness. Fortunately, we wasn’t discovered and we avoided the sour “he blames me, I blame him” situation which 100% would have happened and we parted on reasonable terms. It’s a struggle, and I feel I’ve plummeted into a deep depression, something I haven’t ever felt before, I’m usually a happy content person,  but I’ve been everything but that since. I cry daily, any given moment I get alone I burst out crying and when at work or with people I’m just holding in a cry, I feel my mouth gittering and a lump in my throat. I guess time and minimal to no contact is the only healer. 

Edited 1 hour ago by Liztaylor101