Classmate will not acknowledge me (until he does)

[AnonXYZ]

Confusing Interaction with Classmate (Will not interact/look me in the eyes)

I’m part of a weekly group project for school (college). There are eight of us total: me, my guy friend (we just met this semester and bonded over retaking the semester due to illness), and six others. My guy friend and I get along well, but the rest of the group knows each other and is very cliquey. The group includes two boys and four girls, and they all seem paired off in a way.

Out of the four girls, two are fine—one says hi, and the other mostly keeps to herself. Another girl is nice, and we joke around, but the other one is a bit rude and was mean to my guy friend. As for the two boys, one is a total playboy, and the other acts like the class clown.

Recently, the group has been talking more to my guy friend, especially the boys, which is fine with me because I just want to get through the semester. However, I’ve noticed something odd: the class clown refuses to make eye contact with me. He will literally never look me in the eyes, except for a few specific instances—when we were paired up for a presentation with the playboy, when he walked across my eyeline in class nodded and raised a hand, when he initially asked both my guy friend and me a question but then redirected his words only to my guy friend, and when we first met I had mentioned a beach which he inquired about but once I began responding he completely shut off, and in the hallway I got a nod which is weird because he never does this (we have very small hallways and he will ignore my total existence). The playboy who seems to be his best friend is usually polite enough. He has been saying good morning to me more often.

There have been a few times when I’ve caught him checking out my outfit, but overall, he avoids interacting with me. When I try to contribute to group conversations, especially when my guy friend directs the conversation towards me, the clown either looks at his phone or ignores me completely and keeps talking like I’m not there. This has become more noticeable recently. For example, after the playboy & clown presented their project this week, I gave feedback (we all have to-it's mandatory), the playboy politely thanked me, and the clown refused to acknowledge me. From what I have seen he has no problem interacting with others at all. He will joke and strike up conversation without hesitation.

At first, I tried brushing it off, thinking maybe he was having a bad day, had social anxiety, or just didn’t want to get to know me. Which is completely and totally okay. Plus I have so much to do I never think of it-until we are forced to be in a group for this class. It’s starting to feel like he’s taunting me, and I’m struggling to figure out if it’s all in my head. My gut is saying no-something else is going on here. This behavior (or lack of) is too consistent/direct to be normal. I was severely bullied when I was younger, and I promised myself I’d never let someone make me feel small or beaten down again. I don’t want to jump to conclusions or let my trauma response dictate how I handle this, so I’m trying to assess the situation calmly. We’re all in our 20s for context. I just want to finish the semester without unnecessary stress. So I will continue to just "do my thing." Does anyone know what could cause such behavior or have any advice? Thank you.

[NuevoYorko]

Can't you just do the project and forget about how he's acting weird towards you?   I can see how it would be off-putting but I'm not sure why it really matters.  He's just a stranger at school, after all, and you have a close friend there with you and others who are behaving normally.

[AnonXYZ]

This is a good point and I thank you for your response.  The issue is however he is getting closer to my friend so during "breaks" he will socialize with my friend causing him (the guy) to be in close proximity to me.  Thus I still experience this odd behavior from him. 

1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said:

Can't you just do the project and forget about how he's acting weird towards you?   I can see how it would be off-putting but I'm not sure why it really matters.  He's just a stranger at school, after all, and you have a close friend there with you and others who are behaving normally.

 

[Acacia98]

Maybe he has a crush on you and feels super-awkward, so he acts weirdly around you. That was my first thought. The only other alternative I can think of (and I've experienced this in places where I've been an ethnic/racial minority) is that maybe you're ethnically/racially different and he doesn't have experience dealing with that.

[NuevoYorko]

19 hours ago, AnonXYZ said:

This is a good point and I thank you for your response.  The issue is however he is getting closer to my friend so during "breaks" he will socialize with my friend causing him (the guy) to be in close proximity to me.  Thus I still experience this odd behavior from him. 

 

Ignore it.  

[stillafool]

On 10/28/2024 at 1:10 AM, AnonXYZ said:

I was severely bullied when I was younger, and I promised myself I’d never let someone make me feel small or beaten down again. I don’t want to jump to conclusions or let my trauma response dictate how I handle this, so I’m trying to assess the situation calmly. We’re all in our 20s for context. I just want to finish the semester without unnecessary stress. So I will continue to just "do my thing." Does anyone know what could cause such behavior or have any advice? Thank you.

Sorry you were bullied when you were younger.  Who knows what's in the mind of this class clown.  Maybe he doesn't like you for some reason so he ignores you.  My advice if to not jump to conclusions but to ignore him back.  Do not try to have eye contact with him and just be friendly to those who are friendly to you.  It sounds like all the other ones are friendly so this is the only one you have to ignore.  Do you like this guy more than just a classmate?  If not, let it go.  Not everyone has to like us and get on with us.

[stillafool]

On 10/28/2024 at 3:59 AM, AnonXYZ said:

This is a good point and I thank you for your response.  The issue is however he is getting closer to my friend so during "breaks" he will socialize with my friend causing him (the guy) to be in close proximity to me.  Thus I still experience this odd behavior from him. 

 

I would take that opportunity to get friendly with the others who like you.  Go have lunch with them.  It's good to meet and get to know new friends.