what does it mean if a girl from a dating app says she's chatting with other guys off the app?

[2bittz]

If a girl from a dating app agrees to go on a date but also mentions she's chatting with other guys on the app, is that a sign that she's not interested or is she just being upfront? I obviously realize women talk to multiple guys at once and go on dates with multiple guys at once but I'm wondering what it means if they bring it up during convo? we would tease each other and then at one point during the convo when I flirted with her she brought this up. yet she would still send me heart eyes and kissy emojis and told me she was cute. at the end of the date she said she didn't feel chemistry. was she just looking for attention? her flirting was done through text before the date and not really on the date

Edited October 28, 2024 by 2bittz

[smackie9]

She's keeping her options open. Not everyone dates one person at a time.

[basil67]

She was being upfront.  With the date, she was hoping that the flirting would translate to real life chemistry, but sadly, it did not.  

At least she didn't string you along

[2bittz]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

She was being upfront.  With the date, she was hoping that the flirting would translate to real life chemistry, but sadly, it did not.  

At least she didn't string you along

that's what I was thinking. I always wonder what I'm doing wrong in person..unless I'm just not as attractive as my photos idk

[2bittz]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

She was being upfront.  With the date, she was hoping that the flirting would translate to real life chemistry, but sadly, it did not.  

At least she didn't string you along

I figured both of these. I guess I was just caught off guard since it was the first time a woman actually explicitly stated it. One of my female friends had me believe it was a sign of disinterest and said that telling that to a guy could ruin her chances.

[Maldives]

30 minutes ago, 2bittz said:

I figured both of these. I guess I was just caught off guard since it was the first time a woman actually explicitly stated it. One of my female friends had me believe it was a sign of disinterest and said that telling that to a guy could ruin her chances.

You are right, it's like she's putting up a bit of barrier by telling you. 

[Gaeta]

21 hours ago, 2bittz said:

her flirting was done through text before the date and not really on the date

What is said online before a meeting is worth nothing. The real test is when meeting face to face. Don't ever give importance to compliments given before a meeting. She did not feel a connection, if she had she would have never mentioned chatting with other men. Men we meet don't need to know that, women get like 100 messages a day (I barely exaggerate) on these apps so of course we exchange with several people at first. It's not something to brag about. I agree she said that to express you're just one of the guys. If my bf had asked me that question on our first meeting I would have answered: no one as interesting as you! to make sure he knows I had a high interest in him.

Edited October 29, 2024 by Gaeta

[2bittz]

3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

What is said online before a meeting is worth nothing. The real test is when meeting face to face. Don't ever give importance to compliments given before a meeting. She did not feel a connection, if she had she would have never mentioned chatting with other men. Men we meet don't need to know that, women get like 100 messages a day (I barely exaggerate) on these apps so of course we exchange with several people at first. It's not something to brag about. I agree she said that to express you're just one of the guys. If my bf had asked me that question on our first meeting I would have answered: no one as interesting as you! to make sure he knows I had a high interest in him.

she said I was cute with a heart eyes emoji after I send a video and would also send me kissy faces. is it at least possible she found me attractive online?? it definitely seemed like she was feeling a connection because she typed a lot and would laugh at everything I said. seems like anyone I find attractive isn't into me. and anyone who I don't find attractive is into me. why is it never mutual?? should I just settle with someone I'm not into at this rate? and why agree to go on a date if you're not feeling a connection?

Is it possible she told the other guys that she was chatting with other guys as well? Or did she do all of this for attention. I get confused each time. maybe these women are too hot for me and I'm too average looking idk

Edited October 29, 2024 by 2bittz

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, 2bittz said:

she said I was cute with a heart eyes emoji after I send a video and would also send me kissy faces. is it at least possible she found me attractive online??

Finding somebody attractive online is the lowest of all possible attraction forms. More can grow out of a drunken attraction to a total stranger in a bar than from online banter. In most cases, online attraction means nothing. It’s just a stepping stone towards the real test, which is dating in person.

She went on a date with you, felt there was no chemistry, and honestly told you so. You have nothing to complain about. These things happen all the time. In the future, please lower your expectation. Never get excited and overthink things from kissy faces or whatever else happens before you go on your first date.

 

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, 2bittz said:

seems like anyone I find attractive isn't into me. and anyone who I don't find attractive is into me. why is it never mutual??

It’s not the first time I read something like this on the forum. It used to puzzle me a lot because this never happened to me or any of my close friends. Whenever I was attracted to a woman, she was attracted to me as well. I couldn’t actually imagine attraction not being mutual, it felt like an oxymoron to me.

Now I realize that the problem is with your definition of attraction and the way you let it happen to you. I don’t think you’re really attracted to that girl, for example. You’re just superficially finding her cute or sexy or whatever. You get excited from that idea and build it up in your mind before any real attraction, any actual chemistry occurs between you two. And then, when this chemistry doesn’t happen, you get disappointed.

This never happened to me because I never allowed myself to feel anything real before I knew it was mutual. Sure, I might have found a lot of women superficially physically attractive, so what? It doesn’t mean that I would’ve liked to date them. I would never want to date a girl who wasn’t attracted to me, this is is such an automatic turn-off for me that any budding interest in her would wane instantly whenever that would happen.

You need to develop confidence and self-esteem. Don’t get all excited from some pretty picture of a cute sexy girl. There are hundreds of millions of them in the world and most of them would not want to date you. This is completely normal and nothing to worry about. Don’t throw yourself at every pretty girl you meet, learn to recognize “your” girls, those who actually like the type of guy you are and are looking for those specific things that you have to offer.

 

 

[2bittz]

20 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Finding somebody attractive online is the lowest of all possible attraction forms. More can grow out of a drunken attraction to a total stranger in a bar than from online banter. In most cases, online attraction means nothing. It’s just a stepping stone towards the real test, which is dating in person.

She went on a date with you, felt there was no chemistry, and honestly told you so. You have nothing to complain about. These things happen all the time. In the future, please lower your expectation. Never get excited and overthink things from kissy faces or whatever else happens before you go on your first date.

 

Is drunken attraction ever real at least? Because I've had a lot of drunk girls kiss me. And I'm more concerned with the fact that she felt the need to tell me she was chatting with other guys. If that meant she was never interested why did she go on the date?

 

[2bittz]

2 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

It’s not the first time I read something like this on the forum. It used to puzzle me a lot because this never happened to me or any of my close friends. Whenever I was attracted to a woman, she was attracted to me as well. I couldn’t actually imagine attraction not being mutual, it felt like an oxymoron to me.

Now I realize that the problem is with your definition of attraction and the way you let it happen to you. I don’t think you’re really attracted to that girl, for example. You’re just superficially finding her cute or sexy or whatever. You get excited from that idea and build it up in your mind before any real attraction, any actual chemistry occurs between you two. And then, when this chemistry doesn’t happen, you get disappointed.

This never happened to me because I never allowed myself to feel anything real before I knew it was mutual. Sure, I might have found a lot of women superficially physically attractive, so what? It doesn’t mean that I would’ve liked to date them. I would never want to date a girl who wasn’t attracted to me, this is is such an automatic turn-off for me that any budding interest in her would wane instantly whenever that would happen.

You need to develop confidence and self-esteem. Don’t get all excited from some pretty picture of a cute sexy girl. There are hundreds of millions of them in the world and most of them would not want to date you. This is completely normal and nothing to worry about. Don’t throw yourself at every pretty girl you meet, learn to recognize “your” girls, those who actually like the type of guy you are and are looking for those specific things that you have to offer.

 

 

assume being 5 foot 8 and slim(almost towards the skinny side right now) is my issue. I'm not saying I necessarily just go for supermodels but I can't tell if my standards are too high. I can't help who I am and am not attracted to. And you're right somewhat.. I'm very fixated on looks. But I also liked that she was an artist, good with kids etc. (not sure why my other post didn't respond directly)

[Gebidozo]

10 minutes ago, 2bittz said:

Is drunken attraction ever real at least?

No, of course not. But neither is online attraction.

 

11 minutes ago, 2bittz said:

And I'm more concerned with the fact that she felt the need to tell me she was chatting with other guys. If that meant she was never interested why did she go on the date?

Why not? She might have felt some initial interest based on your online interaction, then met you in person and realized she wasn’t attracted. There is nothing to worry about, this happens all the time.

[2bittz]

8 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

No, of course not. But neither is online attraction.

 

Why not? She might have felt some initial interest based on your online interaction, then met you in person and realized she wasn’t attracted. There is nothing to worry about, this happens all the time.

Even if some of my drunk makeouts led to dates?

[Gebidozo]

15 minutes ago, 2bittz said:

I'm not saying I necessarily just go for supermodels but I can't tell if my standards are too high.

It’s not about standards, it’s about basing your attraction too much on something as superficial as looks. This is the key to your problems, by your own admission:

18 minutes ago, 2bittz said:

And you're right somewhat.. I'm very fixated on looks.

 

19 minutes ago, 2bittz said:

But I also liked that she was an artist, good with kids etc.

Sure, but so what? I know a lot of women who are pretty, artists, and good with kids. Doesn’t mean I’d want to date them all. If they are cool, interesting people, you can try to be friends with them. But dating requires more than just appreciating qualities in a person. It requires a mutual connection, mutual chemistry.

 

22 minutes ago, 2bittz said:

I can't help who I am and am not attracted to.

But this wasn’t a real attraction. You just thought someone was pretty and an artist and good with kids. That’s not enough to develop an attraction. It was all just a construct of your mind, not something real and tangible and mutual.

[Gebidozo]

6 minutes ago, 2bittz said:

Even if some of my drunk makeouts led to dates?

That’s why I said that even a drunken attraction in a bar could mean more than online attraction. Yes, in 90% of the cases it means nothing, but online attraction means nothing in 99% of the cases.

Also, please bear in mind that dates, in themselves, also don’t mean much. If a girl agrees to go on several dates with you it still doesn’t mean that she likes you, per se. Maybe she’s multi-dating. Or looking for some casual sex. Or feeling lonely and would go out with anyone. Or she’s playing with you. Or she is confused and doesn’t know what she wants. There are millions of such combinations. You must lower your expectations and your enthusiasm.

[2bittz]

1 minute ago, Gebidozo said:

That’s why I said that even a drunken attraction in a bar could mean more than online attraction. Yes, in 90% of the cases it means nothing, but online attraction means nothing in 99% of the cases.

Also, please bear in mind that dates, in themselves, also don’t mean much. If a girl agrees to go on several dates with you it still doesn’t mean that she likes you, per se. Maybe she’s multi-dating. Or looking for some casual sex. Or feeling lonely and would go out with anyone. Or she’s playing with you. Or she is confused and doesn’t know what she wants. There are millions of such combinations. You must lower your expectations and your enthusiasm.

It sucks knowing that any time I kiss a girl I'm attracted to that it may not mean anything.

[2bittz]

7 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

It’s not about standards, it’s about basing your attraction too much on something as superficial as looks. This is the key to your problems, by your own admission:

 

Sure, but so what? I know a lot of women who are pretty, artists, and good with kids. Doesn’t mean I’d want to date them all. If they are cool, interesting people, you can try to be friends with them. But dating requires more than just appreciating qualities in a person. It requires a mutual connection, mutual chemistry.

 

But this wasn’t a real attraction. You just thought someone was pretty and an artist and good with kids. That’s not enough to develop an attraction. It was all just a construct of your mind, not something real and tangible and mutual.

How would I know what would be real attraction?

[basil67]

3 minutes ago, 2bittz said:

It sucks knowing that any time I kiss a girl I'm attracted to that it may not mean anything.

In that case, don’t kiss a girl until you’ve had a successful first date and you both want to see each other again.

Also, you’ve mentioned your height and slim build. If you were physically unattractive , you wouldn’t get kisses on the dance floors 

[basil67]

7 minutes ago, 2bittz said:

How would I know what would be real attraction?

Emotional connection, great conversation, and a mutual desire to keep seeing each other. 

[2bittz]

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

In that case, don’t kiss a girl until you’ve had a successful first date and you both want to see each other again.

Also, you’ve mentioned your height and slim build. If you were physically unattractive , you wouldn’t get kisses on the dance floors 

yea I would hope it would mean I'm at least somewhat attractive...unless maybe the girl is like 9/10 drunk. i'm bad at evaluating myself. Ive been told im average but then ive been told im cute. yet most the women who tell me I'm cute are (not fatphobic, just not my preferance) overweight. so idk if they say that cuz they think I'm in their league

 

Edited October 30, 2024 by 2bittz

[Gebidozo]

20 minutes ago, 2bittz said:

It sucks knowing that any time I kiss a girl I'm attracted to that it may not mean anything.

No, it doesn’t suck. On the contrary, the beauty of romance is that it is never guaranteed. It is uncertain and unpredictable. It is fraught with risks and dangers. That’s part of what makes it so exciting.

[2bittz]

20 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Emotional connection, great conversation, and a mutual desire to keep seeing each other. 

unless it just means that I just want to hook up? but I barely know how to tell a girl that

Edited October 30, 2024 by 2bittz

[basil67]

21 minutes ago, 2bittz said:

unless it just means that I just want to hook up? but I barely know how to tell a girl that

Hang on, so it's fine for you to want no strings sex, but it's not OK when women have no strings kissing with you?  

[2bittz]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Hang on, so it's fine for you to want no strings sex, but it's not OK when women have no strings kissing with you?  

I'm just wondering whether their kissing is actual attraction that could potentially lead to no strings sex, or if it's any real attraction at all. I'd rather it at least lead to sex than nothing.