Is it right for my boyfriend to benefit from money I make?

[SabrinaBlue1995]

I am living with my boyfriend and have been for the past year. Something has been bugging me and I wanted to get some genuine impartial opinions. We are both lucky enough to own our own seperate properties without a mortage. I own a flat and he owns a house where we live (he actually also owns a second property himself, a flat which he rents out). He's very money focused, as he grew up poor (his words) and wants to make sure he can create various forms of income so he can look after himself when he's old and retired. When we first spoke about moving in it was very practicality focused speaking about how we could split the cost of bills and rent either my flat or his house out. We decided I'd move in with him and rent my flat out purely as his house was bigger. Somewhere along the line, before I moved in,  we decided it was fair to split the money I made from the rent, I get £700 a month and he gets £300. 

However I can't help but feel over time that this is unfair, he earns £80k p.a from his job and I earn £33k p.a. He also has the second income of £1,000 a month from his flat and then the £300 I give him from mine. We split all bills and expenses equally including when we go out for meals and date nights. 

He talks about wanting to buy another property together, another flat to rent out and he's already saved enough for his half where as I'm probably 2 or 3 years off from saving the same amount. I've actually took on a part time job to boost my savings a bit. In the meantime he's thinking of buying a flat on his own whilst he waits for me to save up. I can't help but feel a little ridiculous each month sending him £300 when he's on nearly triple the salary I am and has plenty of savings in the bank. I'm 7 years younger than him with less earning potential and it feels a little greedy on his part. 

On the flip side I know if the shoe was on the other foot and he'd moved in with me and rented his house out, it may have felt unfair to me that he was the only want benefiting so I can understand that point. I'm also aware if we weren't living together I wouldn't be making any money renting it out and I'd be paying more money on bills. I'm also aware that these are very minor problems to have and I'm extremely lucky to own a property mortgage free. I guess its the fact he's on so much more money and already owns a second property that's the hang up for me? I don't understand why he wouldn't want me to keep all the money so I can save faster and potentially not need to work my second job? Am I being unfair?

[Weezy1973]

36 minutes ago, SabrinaBlue1995 said:

Am I being unfair?

It sounds like the split of your rent was something you both agreed to. That being said, the problem here is that you’re in a position where you’re living together, but not married. And to me it seems like your finances as a couple are kind of in between being married and dating. Partially your finances are blended and partially not. That can be confusing. 
 

It also seems like you both are making sound financial decisions for your future, which is great. It’s not like he’s blowing all the money - he’s saving and wanting to invest it. Same as you. 
 

In the long run, I don’t think it matters that you pay him from the rent you’re collecting. It seems like you’re on the path to marriage so it’s all going in the pot one way or another. But you could talk to him. Tell him exactly the same thing you said here - you want to save faster for your have if the property you want to buy together. 

[SabrinaBlue1995]

4 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

In the long run, I don’t think it matters that you pay him from the rent you’re collecting. It seems like you’re on the path to marriage so it’s all going in the pot one way or another.

Thank you for your comment it was really helpful. I think particularly what you said here struck a cord with me. When we moved in for me it was an emotional decision in that I wanted to progress the relationship. I think he did too but the financial benefit side was his focus or at least what he spoke about more.
Also I really want to get married whereas he doesn’t. He’s made that plain and said he potentially would do it in future with a pre-nup and only having being together a much longer time (we’ve been together 3 years). However I have my doubts as to if he actually will. Maybe that’s why this also feels a bit strange. 

[Gaeta]

4 hours ago, SabrinaBlue1995 said:

, he earns £80k p.a from his job and I earn £33k p.a.

No no no no...........heck no!

He earns 2.5 more than you do and you have to pay half of everything?? You are being exploited !!! Why do you give him half of your rent revenue?

A fair agreement is you pay prorata! How can you ever get ahead financially when you earn less than half! and you have to pay 50% of your common expenses. 

If the man I date earns 2.5 more than I do, you bet I am not paying half of everything! He can afford restaurants and travels I could never afford so if he wants me to follow him he's got to consider my financial means are nowhere equal to his! 

 

[SabrinaBlue1995]

14 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

 

He earns 2.5 more than you do and you have to pay half of everything?? You are being exploited !!! Why do you give him half of your rent revenue?

 

@Gaeta thank you for your comment. I think this is my concern as well. I think in the past he’s had girlfriends in bad financial positions and he’s basically paid everything for them. He sees me as a very financially fortunate person in comparison, which I am. However paying 50/50 on everything when he’s earning 2.5 does seem a bit greedy of him. And to be honest I can’t wrap my head around him happily taking £300 each month from my rent whilst also collecting £1,000 from his own flat. He’s benefiting from two rental incomes whilst I’m benefiting from half of my own.
I like the fact I can be independent and pay for myself but I feel like he’s perhaps taking advantage and not realising it. I agreed with it because he said moving in together should financially benefit both of us. However, I think the fact he’s earning £80k and taking  £4,000 a year from me whilst I work two jobs and pay 50/50 on everything does feel really greedy on his part to be honest. 
I understand he has a major issue with money in terms of growing up poor and wanting to secure his future though and feel like this is part of it.

[Gaeta]

Why did you agree to all this? You knew it was unfair. When we're in a relationship we cannot be afraid of rocking the boat once in a while. 

Splitting everything in the middle is not a relationship, it's a business deal. This man is  more focused on advancing himself financially than being kind and fair to you. One year of this slavery is enough! Personally I would not date a man like that, it would scare me so much to link myself to a man who is incapable of generosity toward the woman he supposedly loves. For you, I will suggest to take an appointment with a financial advisor and see with them what is a fair agreement between you and your boyfriend.  

It doesn't matter why he's like this. He's an adult, he should know right from wrong and this is wrong. 

[SabrinaBlue1995]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Why did you agree to all this? You knew it was unfair. When we're in a relationship we cannot be afraid of rocking the boat once in a while. 

@GaetaI think the answer is insecurity on my side most likely. 
I think a lot of what you have written is correct to be honest and I need to have a serious think about this, thank you for taking the time to give your opinion, it’s much appreciated.

[Gebidozo]

In my opinion, this arrangement isn’t fair to you. Your BF’s attitude comes across as somewhat greedy and stingy.

He earns way more money than you do. It’s not fair that you split everything 50/50. And collecting a part of the rent money you receive just appears petty to me.

 

 

[Els]

Just to be clear, are you paying rent for living in his place or are you living rent-free? I know you said you split expenses 50-50, but I'm not sure if that includes you paying rent or not. Considering he isn't paying a mortgage, I'm guessing that you're living rent-free?

If you are living rent-free, I actually think this financial arrangement is reasonable. The reason you are able to get rental income from your apartment is because you are living in another apartment: his. If you weren't, you wouldn't get any income at all from renting your place out, so it sounds like you're benefiting $700 a month from this relationship, which is a pretty decent deal IMO.

If you're already paying rent to live at his apartment then he's being ridiculous and I would seriously reconsider things if I were you.

Also, how long have you been together?

[Gaeta]

34 minutes ago, Els said:

so it sounds like you're benefiting $700 a month from this relationship, which is a pretty decent deal

How is she benefiting $700 a month?  She gives half her rent revenue to him. He gives 0 to her. She had to take 2 other jobs to keep up with him. 

She's not benefiting at all if her extra little money goes into paying half his big utility bill. She moved from a condo to a house. A house is expensive to heat and maintain. Is she also paying half his city tax?