Is it right for my boyfriend to benefit from money I make?

[Leihla_B]

8 hours ago, SabrinaBlue1995 said:

Still however he doesn’t seem convinced and says in the future after a few more years. We’ve been together 3 years already. 

What are your goals? If these are your best fertility years and you'll want to start a family, then waiting around for BF is an awfully big gamble with your future with not-so-great odds.

I'd tell BF that I'm walking away while we still think highly of one another. If he ever decides that he's marriage material, he can let me know. If I'm still available then, maybe we'll meet to catch up. Otherwise, I wish him the best.

Edited October 31 by Leihla_B

[Gebidozo]

12 hours ago, SabrinaBlue1995 said:

He says I’m the person he wants to be with long term and we do have a really healthy relationship day to day, he is very caring of my feelings and is emotionally very supportive.

Then maybe you can have an honest, open conversation with him about those financial matters. Tell him that his appropriation of a part of your rent money makes you feel uncomfortable. Tell him that the rigid 50/50 deal isn’t entirely fair as he earns much more than you do. Tell him that he needs to learn to trust you more and let go of his past if he wants this relationship to succeed.

[ShyViolet]

22 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Then she should go back living in her own apartment that is mortgage free. They are both mortgage free, why should he charge her rent? She can contribute to the groceries, insurance, utilities, Internet, cable, etc. That's contributing. There is no point of her having a paid off  home and then go pay rent at a boyfriend. 

As long as she is contributing financially, that's all I mean.  It doesn't have to be called "rent".  I just mean that it's BS that a person get to live for free in someone else's house, especially if they have a job.  She should be contributing financially.  Whether you want to call it "rent" or call it paying part of the expenses.

[Gaeta]

20 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

As long as she is contributing financially, that's all I mean

For sure l agree with that. I would never advocate she pays nothing. She is currently paying 50% of all his bills but she only earns 37% of what he earns. Even paying 50% of his bills sounds too much. After paying 50% his bills she has nothing left so she had to seek 2 other jobs.

[Els]

On 10/30/2024 at 9:44 AM, Gaeta said:

How is she benefiting $700 a month?  She gives half her rent revenue to him. He gives 0 to her. She had to take 2 other jobs to keep up with him. 

She's not benefiting at all if her extra little money goes into paying half his big utility bill. She moved from a condo to a house. A house is expensive to heat and maintain. Is she also paying half his city tax? 

She's benefiting $700 a month because she wouldn't be able to get that extra rent income if she was still living in her own apartment... If the roles were flipped and he was living in her apartment rent free and renting his house out, I'd certainly hope that he'd give her $300 a month from the $1000 he gets from that extra income!

Re: utilities, sharing utilities is generally a net gain for both people compared to living separately. Even if she does end up paying more, I doubt the difference will be $700 a month, but if it is, then the OP should bring that up with him.

At the end of the day I don't think it all matters, though... They seem very incompatible, especially the fact that he doesn't want marriage and she does. Might be best to go their own ways.

[Els]

On 10/31/2024 at 9:15 PM, SabrinaBlue1995 said:

I think all these concerns started when I realised he didn’t want to get married. Then it started to feel weird to me.

This is really the crux of it IMO, and it's a much bigger deal than $300 a month. I don't think you mentioned your ages, but considering that you both own property, I think it's safe to say that you're both at an age where most people who DO want marriage would be ready for it. Add that to the fact that you've been together for 3 years, and I think you have a major incompatibility there. If you want marriage, this isn't the guy for you.

[Gbean]

First off, are putting anything toward living at his place, like rent, paying half the bills contributing to taxes ect?  If u are, why are y giving him any proceeds from ur flat if he isn't giving u a percentage of what he makes from his rental?   That is only fair. Unless of course ur not paying rent or bills w him. 

And if u guys are going to be together for good, the whole his money, my money things needs to become "our" money and u need to have a conversation about how he feels about that. 

If he doesn't want to give u the same percentage from his rentals, then yes he's making money off u.  If it's causing resentment now, and u don't have the discussion, it will build to other resentment and u will hate him! 

Good luck!