Is this rude?

[FMW]

I'm going to a get-together this weekend at the home of a couple.  There will be 8 of us, three male/female couples and two single men.  The original plan was for everyone to gather after dinner around a small bonfire, something we've done for several years now.  The host couple has a hot tub in a separate outside area, and the other two women have decided after dinner to spend a few hours in the hot tub while the guys sit around the fire (specifically saying the hot tub was for "Girls Only").   

The hot tub holds no appeal to me.  Although I like the women, conversations with them outside of the company of men is always focused on kids, grandkids, cooking and fashion.  While I can enjoy most conversation topics in brief amounts, spending a few hours this way is not something I'm looking forward to.  The other issue is that my boyfriend and I do not live together and because of my work (which consumes a lot of focus and energy), we do not usually spend much time together during the week.  I want to spend time with him on the weekends, not go somewhere together and then spend the evening separately.

I was going to just go along with the hot tub plan, but I'm dreading it enough that I considered skipping the night and claiming I wasn't feeling well.  But that is avoidant and passive, and results in missing out on time with my guy completely for that night .  So I plan on going, and probably spend a little time by (but not getting in) the hot tub talking to the women.  But most of the time I want to be with my guy, sitting around the fire.  I always enjoy the conversations with these guys on politics, social issues, work and travel experiences, and music (half of them are musicians).  The guys are regularly together at times during the week, so I wouldn't be intruding on limited "guy time".

Am I being rude?

[basil67]

The women will likely think you’re being rude, but it doesnt sound like you value their opinions anyway.  So I think should simply ask your boyfriend if he’s OK if you join the boys 

Edited Wednesday at 11:28 AM by basil67

[Leihla_B]

Hot tubs aren't a place to spend hours. You can look up the recommendations, and they range between 15 and 30 minutes. So I would view it in terms of therapeutic value for my body rather than endless time. However, I'd make some effort to bond with the women and avoid snubbing them. There's no reason to harm the dynamics that could otherwise serve you in the future should your boyfriend wish to remain friendly with these couples.

That said, I'd ask boyfriend what he thinks. Hear him out, then negotiate a plan.

Edited Wednesday at 05:03 PM by Leihla_B

[MsJayne]

I sympathise with you, you never know what's gone on in a hot tub and the idea of what gets recycled through those jets can be off-putting, and that, coupled with dull conversation, sounds like a form of torture. I'm going to assume there'll be alcohol there so I say drink enough of it that you can cope with half an hour in the tub and then dry off and go join your guy by the fire. The other women will probably get snippy with you if you don't indulge their segregation plan. 

[FMW]

Thanks, I appreciate the feedback.  I'm now thinking begging off entirely is the best idea.  

[ShyViolet]

It sounds like it's probably best not to go at all, if you're already feeling this way about the event.  There's a high chance that something awkward will happen if you "snub" the women.  Why put yourself in that situation at all?

[Leihla_B]

36 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

It sounds like it's probably best not to go at all, if you're already feeling this way about the event.  There's a high chance that something awkward will happen if you "snub" the women.  Why put yourself in that situation at all?

Or, if begging off would upset your boyfriend, you could just thank the women for the invite, but you are menstruating and won't be using the hot tub.

[FMW]

Most of the time I go along to get along in situations like this and usually don't think these things are a big deal.  But my work is extremely busy and stressful right now, so I'm feeling selfish about my precious free time.  Maybe I'll feel more accommodating by Saturday.