Does my husband have a (harmless) crush on this younger woman from work?

[kate678]

We've been married 25  years, we met at college. Neither of us are on any social media (too old, we think). All of his friends are men his own age, with a couple of younger guys thrown in. Most of our socialising is together, in local bars or pubs. The point I'm making here is this: he's very loyal, there's never any mystery about his whereabouts/who he chats to. I'm also very loyal; we both value the relationship we've built. 

But there's one thing that, I suppose, is tugging at my self esteem a little. There's this younger woman at his work, must only be late 20s. He co-owns his own small company, which now has several offices in our city. My husband works remotely and is only in the offices once every few months, but pops in if there's something important or an issue. 

 This woman, I'll call her Lara, is doing a sort-of internship for a year; she'll leave at the end of next year, probably to join a bigger company. She's good at her job.My husband has said how impressive she is because she went to X college and can also do XYZ...

I wonder if my husband has a crush on Lara; he seems to have spent a lot more time talking to her than any of the other young employees. He's texted her a few times (I see his phone) after these visits, wishing her luck with something (her 'long term' job applications), or recommending that she visit somewhere. So, it is all harmless, but he hasn't done this to other employees. I only realised how much he's chatted to her on his office visits on the few times I've also bumped into Lara, outside the office, and she'll mention something, and I'll think: when has my husband been telling her about all of this stuff? 

The most annoying thing - the thing that made me think he's attracted to her - is how I've seen him looking at her on the few occasions she's bumped into the two of us. One time, he was just staring at her, just her face luckily, and smiling. I did put my arm around him, but he still just stared at Lara, who just carried on answering my husband's questions. She saw us again a few weeks later, in a public place; my husband noticed her and said hello to her. I put my arm around him again; this time, instead of staring at Lara, he did look back down at his phone. He kept looking at her to speak, then back at his phone, then back at her again....I think he maybe knew I was watching him this time....

Lara looks nothing like me; the only similarity is that we're both thin, although she has a different body shape entirely. I have a narrow, thin face and small-ish hazel eyes, short hair ; Lara has long hair and large, round eyes, a tiny bit like Emanuelle Beart, but with small lips....If you see what I mean...

My husband has never commented on this girl's appearance, and if I ask him he'll probably say, 'oh, no, she's not all that pretty, she's just a nice girl', or something to that effect. Or that she's young and looks like a college kid? 

What do you think?

 

[FMW]

I think men and women both can appreciate interaction with/attention from a younger person of the opposite sex without having any thoughts of inappropriate behavior.   Maybe your husband enjoys her energy and ambition and is reminded of what it was like to have that excitement of what 's to come in our lives.  Maybe she shows more respect and appreciation for him and what he's accomplished with his company than others, and he's naturally going to show more attention to an employee/intern that has that attitude.  He may have had more interaction with her because she's more outgoing and proactive in reaching out to your husband while she's learning the business.   More interactions result in a higher likelihood the conversations might sometimes be more personal in nature and include hobbies and family topics. 

Maybe he thinks she's attractive, or maybe he hasn't really noticed.  But either way, it doesn't sound like he's doing anything to indicate an inappropriate interest.  It doesn't hurt to keep your eyes open, but from what you've described, I'm not getting any vibes that something is amiss.

 

 

[kate678]

26 minutes ago, FMW said:

Maybe he thinks she's attractive, or maybe he hasn't really noticed.  But either way, it doesn't sound like he's doing anything to indicate an inappropriate interest.  It doesn't hurt to keep your eyes open, but from what you've described, I'm not getting any vibes that something is amiss.

 

 

Yes, there's no way he's thinking of doing anything inappropriate. It's just the mere fact that he might find her attractive, I'm just curious about it, I guess that's natural? I thought that because he smiles at her like an idiot and stares at her face. Maybe he didn't realise he was doing it. I perhaps should have pulled him up on it

[Leihla_B]

6 hours ago, kate678 said:

I'm just curious about it, I guess that's natural? I thought that because he smiles at her like an idiot and stares at her face. Maybe he didn't realise he was doing it. I perhaps should have pulled him up on it

You can address this without humiliating him if you offer a sense of humor about it. I think most of us tend to find beautiful people fascinating to look at, even without any big attraction beyond that. But if husband is gawking slack jawed or something, then yes, raise that he may want to check that to avoid causing the girl discomfort.