Changing the location of a first date?

[jgolffan96]

I met this girl on the League Dating App. She is 5 years older (33) than me (28) but I think there is a good connection so far. I made a reservation back on Tuesday for Saturday night at an Italian restaurant, but now I have learned that she doesn't really like Italian food (just red sauce though and says she likes carbonara and cacio de pepe). I also didn't learn this until two days after. Should I change the first date location? There is a sushi place across the street that I can easily grab a reservation for, but my only concern is that it makes me look indecisive and weak. I'm not sure what I should do. Like on one hand she still likes some Italian stuff they have there so maybe it's not a huge deal but I don't know....

 

Edited November 1 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
privacy of other party

[Leihla_B]

I'd just ask her if the Italian menu is too limited for her, and would she prefer another place?

There's nothing indecisive about listening to your date and being agile enough to accommodate a reasonable request ahead of time. 

[Gaeta]

Ask her what type of food she likes, don't switch to sushi if she never mentionned she likes it.

I have no clue why you view this as indecisive. I would view this as a man who's flexible and wants to make sure l will enjoy my dinner.

Why don't you meet over an ice cream or coffee & cake for the first time?

The woman will not like you more because you pay her dinner on a first meeting and you will ruin yourself doing this each time you meet someone.

[Georgia46]

She loves sushi. 
 

I’d change it to the sushi place. 
 

😎

[jgolffan96]

5 hours ago, Georgia46 said:

She loves sushi. 
 

I’d change it to the sushi place. 
 

😎

@Georgia46 @Gaeta I am going to change to sushi. Let me ask you, is it weird to go for ice cream as dessert after dinner after you just have sushi? She mentions that she likes this ice cream place and I kind of suggested it after dinner, and she said “if I play my cards right”
 

 

Edited November 1 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
privacy of other party

[Georgia46]

4 hours ago, jgolffan96 said:

@Georgia46 @Gaeta I am going to change to sushi. Let me ask you, is it weird to go for ice cream as dessert after dinner after you just have sushi? She mentions that she likes this ice cream place and I kind of suggested it after dinner, and she said “if I play my cards right”
 

 

 

 

noooo that sounds perfect 🤩 

Edited November 1 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Gaeta]

10 minutes ago, jgolffan96 said:

if I play my cards right

Men really think there is a recipe to win women over...sigh! There is none. It's all about connecting. If you feel you both connected, conversation is flowing, she is smiling a lot then yes offer to continue the date to the ice cream place.

You are investing too much hope and money in this first meeting. A first meeting would be best as a walk in a park where you move and and see each other body language for real. Sitting an hour with a table between you 2 isn't an inspiring date.

Edited November 1 by Gaeta

[jgolffan96]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

Men really think there is a recipe to win women over...sigh! There is none. It's all about connecting. If you feel you both connected, conversation is flowing, she is smiling a lot then yes offer to continue the date to the ice cream place.

You are investing too much hope and money in this first meeting. A first meeting would be best as a walk in a park where you move and and see each other body language for real. Sitting an hour with a table between you 2 isn't an inspiring date.

I don’t think there is a recipe. Just trying to do the best I can. The restaurant is a good indoor/outdoor venue with good food. It’s not “inspiring” but I thought sitting and talking would be good.

[ShyViolet]

I think making a reservation for dinner is a little weird and too much for a first meeting.  The first meeting should be short and casual.  You have never met this person before and you don't know if you'll have no chemistry.... you want to be able to make an easy exit if it turns out you don't click.

[smackie9]

4 hours ago, jgolffan96 said:

@Georgia46 @Gaeta I am going to change to sushi. Let me ask you, is it weird to go for ice cream as dessert after dinner after you just have sushi? She mentions that she likes this ice cream place and I kind of suggested it after dinner, and she said “if I play my cards right”
 

 

Japanese restaurants serve a delicious green tea ice cream. 

Edited November 1 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Marka]

i don't think it is too much. I would love to meet a thoughtful guy who asks me out on a proper date, makes reservation and keen to choose i place i would love. Sounds great really. Much better than lets meet on X street and i will see if I like you enough to spend a fiver on coffee for you or if not go for a walk in cold and rain

[jgolffan96]

I ended up changing the restaurant to sushi!

[Acacia98]

3 minutes ago, Marka said:

i don't think it is too much. I would love to meet a thoughtful guy who asks me out on a proper date, makes reservation and keen to choose i place i would love. Sounds great really. Much better than lets meet on X street and i will see if I like you enough to spend a fiver on coffee for you or if not go for a walk in cold and rain

😆

I've only ever done one of those walking dates, and let me tell you, I absolutely hated it. 

OP, I would appreciate the type of date you arranged. I'd also appreciate meeting for dessert alone. Basically, anything that gives me and a guy the chance to sit somewhere nice and quiet and talk.

[Lotsgoingon]

Dude,

Knock off asking "is this OK?" If you've got a connection with this woman, it'll survive whatever food you choose. 

And please, bury (in a hurry!!!) this "I might look indecisive" worry. That worry is 100 percent nonsense.  Stop watching those ill-informed youtube and tiktok videos and go read a serious book on a relationships. 

[Leihla_B]

13 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

And please, bury (in a hurry!!!) this "I might look indecisive" worry. That worry is 100 percent nonsense.  Stop watching those ill-informed youtube and tiktok videos and go read a serious book on a relationships. 

I agree with not second-guessing yourself with assumptions about how you'll be perceived. That's a circular way to drive yourself nuts.

If you want to learn whether the two of you can bond over some shared chemistry, just be you. If she's attracted, then she's attracted to you. If not, then she screens herself out of your dating pool and moves you one step closer to finding the right person who will 'get' you.

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Marka said:

Much better than lets meet on X street and i will see if I like you enough to spend a fiver on coffee for you or if not go for a walk in cold and rain

Please, you're pushing it too far.

How many times we see guys come on here very frustrated that these women they kept paying dinners to don't call back. A man has to meet an unsane amount of women to meet the right one. He will become bitter pretty fast when it's the 10th dinner dates that goes nowhere.

[Marka]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

Please, you're pushing it too far.

How many times we see guys come on here very frustrated that these women they kept paying dinners to don't call back. A man has to meet an unsane amount of women to meet the right one. He will become bitter pretty fast when it's the 10th dinner dates that goes nowhere.

And he will ruin his chances with a woman who may not have ghosted him by suggesting a lame/low effort date

Edited November 1 by Marka

[Gaeta]

13 minutes ago, Marka said:

And he will ruin his chances with a woman who may not have ghosted him by suggesting a lame/low effort date

You have accepted coffee dates and did not complain about it

Edited November 1 by Gaeta

[Lotsgoingon]

OP the venue does not have to be inspiring. I've been on great dates where we ended up at a dinner or at an ice cream shop. None of that matters. The only thing that matters is a connection with your date. If you're having a good time, you can pretty much go anywhere and the good time will continue. You and the person create the energy, not the venue. 

[Gebidozo]

Women are different. Some like first dates to take place in nice restaurants, others prefer casual meetings, walks, coffee.

Personally, I‘ve always preferred casual first dates with walking and talking and such. Every relationship I’ve ever had started with talking and just spending time together first, restaurant dates and such came later.

There is no use arguing what is better, it depends on the person. Just giving her some options and let her choose what she likes would be enough.

And OP, you’ve got to stop overthinking these things and worrying so much about what it looks like.

The moment you begin to doubt whether something you do is making you look insecure, you are being insecure.

 

[jgolffan96]

32 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Women are different. Some like first dates to take place in nice restaurants, others prefer casual meetings, walks, coffee.

Personally, I‘ve always preferred casual first dates with walking and talking and such. Every relationship I’ve ever had started with talking and just spending time together first, restaurant dates and such came later.

There is no use arguing what is better, it depends on the person. Just giving her some options and let her choose what she likes would be enough.

And OP, you’ve got to stop overthinking these things and worrying so much about what it looks like.

The moment you begin to doubt whether something you do is making you look insecure, you are being insecure.

 

@Gebidozo and @Leihla_Byou're right, I should just be me and if she doesn't like me for me, then that's fine. At least I give it my best shot  

[fred123]

16 hours ago, jgolffan96 said:

@Georgia46 @Gaeta I am going to change to sushi. Let me ask you, is it weird to go for ice cream as dessert after dinner after you just have sushi? She mentions that she likes this ice cream place and I kind of suggested it after dinner, and she said “if I play my cards right”
 

 

If a girl says "if I play my cards right" I'd be turned off and decline the date. She is talking to you as if she is above you and it's patronising. Like you are a dancing monkey that has to prove to her and seek her approval.  This date will be a disaster and she's not interested. I'd sack it off

[fred123]

11 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Please, you're pushing it too far.

How many times we see guys come on here very frustrated that these women they kept paying dinners to don't call back. A man has to meet an unsane amount of women to meet the right one. He will become bitter pretty fast when it's the 10th dinner dates that goes nowhere.

True and if you are spending 150 dollars on dinner and drinks everytime, boy it adds up.

On another note if you are buying dinner then go to a dessert place and she doesn't offer to buy th3 dessert she ain't interested

[fred123]

9 hours ago, Marka said:

And he will ruin his chances with a woman who may not have ghosted him by suggesting a lame/low effort date

A women who is into you won't care. She would accept a mcflurry if it'd was Ronaldo or a guy she has a crush on

[Marka]

10 hours ago, Gaeta said:

You have accepted coffee dates and did not complain about it

I have and but nothing good came out of it so i stopped. I even used to accept walking dates. Men who invited me to that sort of date operated conveyer belt mentality, jiggled multiple numbers of women, having 3-4 coffee dates per week. I prefer to go one new date per week or per 2 week but to a date which has more substance. It is just two different types on mentality: coffee dates and multidating and proper dates and solo dating:) I prefer the latter.

Guys who invited me for a first date to an activity, dinner or a cocktail/wine bar required reservations were really different to the guys who invited for coffee/walks. Shame it took me too long to realise it. But it could be me I guess, I like go getter and thoughtful type of man.

52 minutes ago, fred123 said:

If a girl says "if I play my cards right" I'd be turned off and decline the date. She is talking to you as if she is above you and it's patronising. Like you are a dancing monkey that has to prove to her and seek her approval.  This date will be a disaster and she's not interested. I'd sack it off

this one I agree, i would be turned off if some one would told me that. It sounds condescending. Btw I also had guys saying me similar phrases. I didnt go out with them. I think OP this is bigger issue rather than inviting to a wrong restaurant or change a  place