Author Pretttybug Posted November 3 Author Share Posted November 3 (edited) Id be sitting there like the biggest loser I won't be a winner, everybody can see it, everybody knows it Me and my boyfriend are like the biggest losers in the world My mental health has gotten really really bad the past few weeks. Im so sad, i dont know whats caused this massive spike. It is my birthday triggering? The clocks going back? My age? Being more tired from starting a new job? I dont know Edited November 3 by Pretttybug Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 3 Share Posted November 3 Your mental health took a dive because of his abuse. It's the accumulation of it all. He broke you, it's time to leave. Stop thinking of what a baby with him would have been. It would have been hell & statistics show verbal abuse will turn into physical abuse when children are brought into the mix. Yes you need to be by yourself and heal from it all. I left a 15 year marriage at your age. It's scary because this relationship is everything we have known. You push through it and you do it. There is peace and happiness on the otherside. Don't look behind and look ahead, you have another 15 years to make babies. Women have babies much later nowadays. Move out when he's gone on his trip. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 4 Share Posted November 4 On 11/2/2024 at 2:07 PM, Pretttybug said: Like i just love him. I wanted us to have 'our kids'. Weve been together so long, like 12 years You have kids with him and he will be as abusive to the child as he is to you! you are a product of your choices! You CAN and should choose better for yourself. life is too short to be with such a miserable person! I don’t think this is love! Love does NOT look like this! Find a way to move right away! there’s a reason you do t want to go on the trip - he is mean! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pretttybug Posted November 4 Author Share Posted November 4 (edited) Well that's it, I'm not going on the trip. I think it suits me better to stay home anyway. Edited November 4 by Pretttybug Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted November 4 Share Posted November 4 On 11/2/2024 at 5:07 PM, Pretttybug said: Like i just love him. I wanted us to have 'our kids'. Weve been together so long, like 12 years You don't have kids with someone who you are in a dysfunctional, toxic relationship with. That would be just plain irresponsible. Get your life together and start by ending this relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 5 Share Posted November 5 Find a place now and get moved out while he’s away! change brings hope! He doesn’t treat you right. And your goals are nowhere near in alignment! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pretttybug Posted November 5 Author Share Posted November 5 17 hours ago, S2B said: Find a place now and get moved out while he’s away! change brings hope! He doesn’t treat you right. And your goals are nowhere near in alignment! Yep i think hes just stringing my along. Says he wants the same things as me, says he doesn't want to close the door on having children, says hes open to it, says it looks nice... BUT he is closing the door on it We all know it everybody knows it everybody can see it How selfish after ive aborted my only child at age 27 My mental health is unbearable right now i feel suffocated I can't fake happiness for other people when ive wanted my own child for 12 years Im just too sad Its really HARRRRRRRRD 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pretttybug Posted November 5 Author Share Posted November 5 There's nobody in a position like me. Im just completely alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 6 Share Posted November 6 19 hours ago, Pretttybug said: There's nobody in a position like me. Im just completely alone. What do you mean you're alone? Something like 35% of women are still in abusive relationships. Google the cycle of abuse. Call a women's shelter and you won't be alone. You're still young and have your whole life ahead, don't wait to be 45 and passed your child barring years to wake up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 7 Share Posted November 7 (edited) If you don’t even want to go with him on a short trip - why would you think you want to stay with him as a life partner? it’s easier for me to be on my own than to feel alone in someone else’s presence. Edited November 7 by S2B Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 7 Share Posted November 7 On 11/5/2024 at 7:49 PM, Pretttybug said: There's nobody in a position like me. Im just completely alone. That's not true. But, you are the only one who can do something about it. So, you need to formulate a plan of action to get yourself out of this relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 7 Share Posted November 7 On 11/3/2024 at 9:57 PM, Pretttybug said: Maybe its better i just go and live for myself This would 100% be a MUCH better plan than what you are doing now. Seriously, what is stopping you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted November 7 Share Posted November 7 (edited) I remember you, you posted on a different board for some time. I'm talking years, and many, many very long threads on this exact same thing. Posters there flocked and gave you solid advice, such as to not use you inheritance money on anything other than a deposit on your own place, and therapy to deal with your overwhelming feelings of loss and guilt regarding your termination. To change therapists, to restart your sessions after you stopped because of money/your boyfriend's disapproval. To see your GP to get help for your (likely) clinical depression. Time and time again you came back, reporting the same issues between you and your boyfriend. Arguments about the loud neighbour, about your lack of income and ambition, your living situation and practically every other aspect of your life together. You laid it all out; his actions, his words, every tear you shed and every time he made you sad or upset. But you never really did anything about anything. You seemed incapable of taking the reins of your own life and start making changes. You were given plenty of tea & sympathy, but after a while posters ended up feeling rather exasperated by your passivity, and I guess you stopped posting as no-one was soothing you with kind words and well-meant advice anymore. And now you are here. A few years later and facing the exact same issues. What did you fritter your money on? The house your boyfriend wanted in to buy in the town away from London? I remember that you did not want to move there, you didn't want to leave the capital. At least I gather you've managed to move on from the dead-end, minimum pay job that was yet another bone of contention between you. I don't think the advice here will be much different to that given on the other forum. This relationship has been limping along for years now, and it's making both of you miserable. It's really up to you to conclude that enough is enough, or you can wait until your boyfriend finally decides to locate his spine and ends this misery-fest. Until then you'll both keep flogging this long, long dead horse of a relationship. As the saying goes: "Nothing changes if nothing changes". Edited November 7 by SoulCat 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 7 Share Posted November 7 2 hours ago, SoulCat said: I remember you, you posted on a different board for some time. I'm talking years, and many, many very long threads on this exact same thing. I thought parts of this story sounded familiar. 2 hours ago, SoulCat said: You were given plenty of tea & sympathy, but after a while posters ended up feeling rather exasperated by your passivity, and I guess you stopped posting as no-one was soothing you with kind words and well-meant advice anymore. And also this. Threads such as these go in circles, and I would wage this one is headed that way too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted November 7 Share Posted November 7 I remember too ... and now the whole thing is even sadder. OP - you are still here, repeating the same complaints, years later. To be frank, after all the round and round and round with zero action on your part, I sometimes have thought that these threads were more for attention or even for your entertainment than any actual desire for help or resolution. Regardless of what's really going on - Im sure sorry that you are in this endless repetitive loop. It must be awful. Why not quit it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousgeorge10 Posted November 7 Share Posted November 7 2 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: I remember too ... and now the whole thing is even sadder. OP - you are still here, repeating the same complaints, years later. To be frank, after all the round and round and round with zero action on your part, I sometimes have thought that these threads were more for attention or even for your entertainment than any actual desire for help or resolution. Regardless of what's really going on - Im sure sorry that you are in this endless repetitive loop. It must be awful. Why not quit it? I think the poster did quit. When you are looking for something from someone else, and you get exasperated, you're too involved. Link to post Share on other sites
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