What makes them do this.

[Sabrina]

When a guy is in love with a girl Will it show through in his actions. Or can somtimes thier actions only be a result of trying to look that way.Im curious because I just lost a boyfriend of three yrs. And his actions showed me that he was happy with me but yet a fight occured and he said things in heat of the moment that made me think he was not happy. And then it ended just like that..He said things like he did not love me and that he was not happy blah blah blah. When i feel that I know better than what he was telling me.. IM just curious because it is boggling away at my mind.

[sparkle]

If he ended things just like that over a fight, and he said he was not happy, then most likely he wasn't.

 

In many relationships that last for a long time, such as yours, sometimes people are just used to each other, and it's hard for them to let go. And if they're not happy, they may be reluctant to admit it and hang in there just because that's what they're used to, and they're scared of letting go.

 

I'm sorry that this happened to you, but I hope you look on the bright side. You two shared a wonderful 3 years and I'm sure you have many great memories. But whatever the reasons, you two just weren't right for each other, and weren't completely happy. So at least you found out eventually. Now you have another opportunity to be with someone that will suit you perfectly.

[midori]

I've found that when something is bothering a person but they are unable to articulate it even to themselves, it can come out in other ways that they don't necessarily mean. I know that this happens to me sometimes: once I had a terrible, tearful fight with my boyfriend because he wouldn't share the password to his internet account with me (which at the time was the only way I could go online, long story, doesn't matter) so I could only email people when he was there to log me on. The thing is that I really wasn't upset about the password situation (which was temporary and just an inconvenience) I was upset because my boyfriend still didn't trust me enough to open up to me with his emotions and talk to me about the problems he was struggling with (again, long story). I didn't fully realize what was going on myself until long after the fact -- after we'd broken up. At the time I just knew that something was wrong, and seized upon an obvious issue.

 

I'm sorry your boyfriend was hurtful to you. Saying hateful things is an insensitive and rather immature way to handle breaking up with someone. I'm sure he didn't intend to be harsh but that doesn't mean that there wasn't a problem at all. He might not ever be able to tell you what that problem was if he doesn't know himself. Maybe if you're inclined and able to engage in honest self-reflection you'll be able to figure out what the problem was (which is not to say that the problem lies within you necessarily). Or maybe you'll just have to accept that you'll never know what was wrong. Either way, don't take his harsh words to heart but don't dwell on the unrealistic hope that this was all just a mistake. There was a problem. Now you just need to move on, to better things. Good luck.

[midori]

I've found that when something is bothering a person but they are unable to articulate it even to themselves, it can come out in other ways that they don't necessarily mean. I know that this happens to me sometimes: once I had a terrible, tearful fight with my boyfriend because he wouldn't share the password to his internet account with me (which at the time was the only way I could go online, long story, doesn't matter) so I could only email people when he was there to log me on. The thing is that I really wasn't upset about the password situation (which was temporary and just an inconvenience) I was upset because my boyfriend still didn't trust me enough to open up to me with his emotions and talk to me about the problems he was struggling with (again, long story). I didn't fully realize what was going on myself until long after the fact -- after we'd broken up. At the time I just knew that something was wrong, and seized upon an obvious issue.

 

I'm sorry your boyfriend was hurtful to you. Saying hateful things is an insensitive and rather immature way to handle breaking up with someone. I'm sure he didn't intend to be harsh but that doesn't mean that there wasn't a problem at all. He might not ever be able to tell you what that problem was if he doesn't know himself. Maybe if you're inclined and able to engage in honest self-reflection you'll be able to figure out what the problem was (which is not to say that the problem lies within you necessarily). Or maybe you'll just have to accept that you'll never know what was wrong. Either way, don't take his harsh words to heart but don't dwell on the unrealistic hope that this was all just a mistake. There was a problem. Now you just need to move on, to better things. Good luck.