Admission that has me worried

[Anna-Bell]

Ok I'll keep this as short as possible.

I've been with my BF for 4 years, we're happy and stable.

I just recently went on a trip with my best friend who I've known for my whole life.  I wouldn't even say she confided in me, it was more of a plea.  She expressed her feelings for my BF and then after realizing how shocked I was included me too. I was definitely an afterthought. Basically she wanted us all to start something and see where it leads. I actually flew home the next morning, I just couldn't be around her.

She has since apologized but I can't unhear what I heard. In a lot of situations I might take it as a compliment but my problem here is that they work together and fairly regularly, like once a fortnight or so,  would spend time alone depending on what job they were doing.

I don't know what to do. I trust my BF. I don't trust her anymore. I can't ask my BF to leave his job but I don't want her being around him. I asked her to leave so we might be able to maintain our friendship but she literally laughed and hung up. We are now no longer speaking.

He assures me he's not the slightest bit interested and I do believe him but I just don't know if I can handle knowing they're together especially if it's a day where it's just then two. Apparently a transfer is out because their team is already limited personnel.

I'm not normally a jealous person but this has me shaking. I know if it keeps going like this I will dream up stupid scenarios whenever they're together and it will lead to bad outcomes.

Am I being overly jealous / unreasonable? How do I stop these feelings?

My BF is being as wonderful as he can be. He hasn't once told me to clam down or anything like that. He understands my dilemma and has assured me he will be understanding if I quiz him after he gets home from work, but is that fair on him?

[basil67]

There's another answer:  What if he reported her to HR and told them what she said and did.  That he (and you) feel sexually harassed and that he's no longer comfortable working with her.  Then she's the one who would have to go  

Of course, if he's not willing do throw her under the bus, then you do have good reason to have concerns about his role in all of this

Edited November 3 by basil67

[Anna-Bell]

49 minutes ago, basil67 said:

What if he reported her to HR and told them what she said and did

I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with that. I mean I don't like the whole situation but lying about something that happened outside the workplace and had nothing to do with her work duties is crossing a line I'd rather not cross. I am better than that.

Of course if she ever makes a move on him at work that is a great idea as long as it can remain anonymous because I can only imagine the ridicule he would cop from his other workmates if he did dob her in.

[basil67]

4 hours ago, Anna-Bell said:

I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with that. I mean I don't like the whole situation but lying about something that happened outside the workplace and had nothing to do with her work duties is crossing a line I'd rather not cross. I am better than that.

Of course if she ever makes a move on him at work that is a great idea as long as it can remain anonymous because I can only imagine the ridicule he would cop from his other workmates if he did dob her in.

You see no sexual harassment here….

This means you both think It’s totally fine for his workmate to make it publicly known than she wants to shag him.   And knowing what she’s said, he’s  happy to continue working with her.  If this is the case, I imagine hes already cheating on you with her.  

[Anna-Bell]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

This means you both think It’s totally fine for his workmate to make it publicly known than she wants to shag him. 

Sorry that I haven't been as clear as I should have been, but we are all friends away from the workplace, way before they even started working there.  I really wouldn't feel comfortable asking my BF to make a sexual harassment claim unless she actually did something at work or that was related to their work.  Except for the fact they work together this has nothing to do with their workplace. I would love to see her gone from there but I don't think we should lie to achieve that.  I hope that makes sense.

[basil67]

The fact they work together has everything to do with their workplace.  It doesn't matter how you are connected

Reverse the story:  You work with a guy once every two weeks. He has pleaded to your boyfriend that he wants to bang your brains out.  Would you be OK working with him in the future? Would you not ask HR to find someone else to take his place?

[Anna-Bell]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Would you be OK working with him in the future? Would you not ask HR to find someone else to take his place?

No I wouldn't be ok and yes I would ask, but I would never suggest that it's workplace sexual harassment because in my view it's not, and I would never want someone with that claim hanging over the rest of their career for something that is fictional.  Honestly I find this just as abhorrent as women who claim rape when there was none. You can destroy people lives with such erroneous claims.

Anyway, we can agree to differ on this and move on, it's not a discussion I want to have.

[Gaeta]

So, l'm wondering, what motivated her to tell you this? Was she drunk?

I would not automatically assume my boyfriend is innocent in this. 

Almost sounds she's the other woman that got tired of waiting and decided she's gonna start s$it in your relationship.

[Anna-Bell]

17 hours ago, Gaeta said:

So, l'm wondering, what motivated her to tell you this? Was she drunk?

No.  And she waited until we were away on a trip to tell me.  She said she was hoping we could make it a romantic getaway but as I said, I was just an afterthought so I don't believe that.

I don't think my BF would cheat (although now I'm worried).  He doesn't even really like her.  So many times she's asked to carpool with him to work and he always makes excuses why not to.

I just hope my BF can find another well paying job soon and leave and then this will all be behind us.  He already has an interview lined up for later this week.

But yes, back to your original point, I have no idea what her motivations were.  Unless of course she was telling the truth and had a crush on us both and wanted to try the whole polyamory thing. But even if that was the case the way she went about it has been totally wrong.