MariaHelenaGina Posted November 4 Share Posted November 4 My boyfriend and have been together for 6 years now. Recently, we started our doctoral degrees with me going to the UK and he going to the USA. We have done long distance before so thought this would work out. However, since he went there, he instantly befriended a student who shares a very similar name to his ex. Lets say the ex was named Nita and the girl he befriended was named Nitya and his ex was frequently called as Nitya as people mispronounced her name. He started dating me after he fellout with his ex with whom he had a very intense bond (fell out in June 2018 and started dating me in November 2018). So he started hanging out with her and she posted about him on Instagram three weeks of meeting him (on his birthday) wishing him a happy birthday and how shes grateful that he's part of her gang ❤️ . She posted their selfie together. He was often with her and very physically affectionate with her (he is physically affectionate with a lot of female friends) but she was constantly giving heart emoji and he was the only one she was posting about from all her friends. Her last picture she posted was 2 weeks ago and this pic basically has my bf looking in the distance and she has her head on his shoulder and they both are holding hands, and she posted how she missing her first friend and how he occupies a huge place in her heart again with a heart emoji (he's in Germany back in his home country and I went there to see him as he got suspended from the university for breaking rules). The photo looked like a scene out of a movie and when my friend saw that pic, she was like they look like a couple and why is he encouraging this kind of behaviour. I dont understand this behaviour from him and he didnt answer why he was behaving like that with her. Now I'm putting on a lot of dark and bold makeup to attract his attention back to me. But is this acceptable??? Hes 29 and I'm 26 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 4 Share Posted November 4 Oh my, this doesn't sound good at all. It sounds like she has a major crush on your bf. I wouldn't be comfortable at all and would probably bring it up to him. More importantly, what did he do to get suspended from college? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted November 5 Share Posted November 5 He was holding HANDS with this girl, and when you asked him what was going on he refused to answer you? I think you have your answer.... it sounds like he has some kind of relationship with her. 4 hours ago, MariaHelenaGina said: Now I'm putting on a lot of dark and bold makeup to attract his attention back to me. But is this acceptable??? This was kind of a bizarre ending to your post. Makeup isn't going to solve your problems. If he refuses to explain himself then you should assume he has cheated and he is not committed to this relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 5 Share Posted November 5 4 hours ago, MariaHelenaGina said: Now I'm putting on a lot of dark and bold makeup to attract his attention back to me. But is this acceptable??? Becareful what you wish for. You're not thinking. He's a cheater and a liar why would you want back this trator? I know l've been there. When l found out my ex was cheating l did not want to let go. It's a type of kneejerk reaction. You do not want him back. He's not worth your time and love. Cut him off. Cry. Call your girlfriends. Cry more. Eat oreo ice cream. Go get yourself a real man and life goes on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MariaHelenaGina Posted November 5 Author Share Posted November 5 6 hours ago, stillafool said: Oh my, this doesn't sound good at all. It sounds like she has a major crush on your bf. I wouldn't be comfortable at all and would probably bring it up to him. More importantly, what did he do to get suspended from college? Yes she is consistently being posting heart emoji next to his name but also calls him her first friend I can't really say what he did Link to post Share on other sites
Author MariaHelenaGina Posted November 5 Author Share Posted November 5 4 hours ago, Gaeta said: Becareful what you wish for. You're not thinking. He's a cheater and a liar why would you want back this trator? I know l've been there. When l found out my ex was cheating l did not want to let go. It's a type of kneejerk reaction. You do not want him back. He's not worth your time and love. Cut him off. Cry. Call your girlfriends. Cry more. Eat oreo ice cream. Go get yourself a real man and life goes on. He's was with me in Germany since he returned last month. He's not with her. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 5 Share Posted November 5 Men are usually hardwired to respond to needy women. If she’s vulnerable around him and he is responsive to that he’s likely being protective and it’s typical or common male instinct and boosts the ego. She needs/needed his presence, he responds, they both feel good. Unfortunately it doesn’t sound like he is stopping himself out of respect for you and that’s a problem. It’s also possible he’s not monogamous and enjoys relationships with multiple individuals - just hasn’t learned to do it ethically or in a way that’s respectful to all parties. Do you trust him anymore or is this irreparable? That’s the main question. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 5 Share Posted November 5 (edited) 6 hours ago, MariaHelenaGina said: He's was with me in Germany since he returned last month. He's not with her. What does it have to do with him cheating? You're his gf, when you speak up about a worry he should be all ears, all heart open, but instead he dismissed you. He dismissed you because he has something to hide. You started dating him he was barely out of a relationship. You were the rebound, the transition girlfriend, the fill the void girlfriend. You were barely 20 yo at the time you did not know to never date people just out of relationships. Now he's suspended from University at 29 for breaking the rules? Really! Are we talking plagiat here? You're 26 now, you're a full grown adult with a promissing future. Don't settle for someone that is secretive and dismissive. Edited November 5 by Gaeta 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted November 5 Share Posted November 5 15 hours ago, MariaHelenaGina said: So he started hanging out with her and she posted about him on Instagram three weeks of meeting him (on his birthday) wishing him a happy birthday and how shes grateful that he's part of her gang ❤️ . She posted their selfie together. He was often with her and very physically affectionate with her (he is physically affectionate with a lot of female friends) but she was constantly giving heart emoji and he was the only one she was posting about from all her friends. Her last picture she posted was 2 weeks ago and this pic basically has my bf looking in the distance and she has her head on his shoulder and they both are holding hands, and she posted how she missing her first friend and how he occupies a huge place in her heart again with a heart emoji (he's in Germany back in his home country and I went there to see him as he got suspended from the university for breaking rules). The photo looked like a scene out of a movie and when my friend saw that pic, she was like they look like a couple and why is he encouraging this kind of behaviour. I dont understand this behaviour from him and he didnt answer why he was behaving like that with her. I'm curious. If the tables were turned and you were carrying on this way with a male "friend," would your boyfriend be okay with it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MariaHelenaGina Posted November 5 Author Share Posted November 5 50 minutes ago, Gaeta said: What does it have to do with him cheating? You're his gf, when you speak up about a worry he should be all ears, all heart open, but instead he dismissed you. He dismissed you because he has something to hide. You started dating him he was barely out of a relationship. You were the rebound, the transition girlfriend, the fill the void girlfriend. You were barely 20 yo at the time you did not know to never date people just out of relationships. Now he's suspended from University at 29 for breaking the rules? Really! Are we talking plagiat here? You're 26 now, you're a full grown adult with a promissing future. Don't settle for someone that is secretive and dismissive. I didn't know he was with her. I also didn't know who she was until I saw her 2 years ago where he turned mid conversation with me, to see her entering the room and wss gazing at her. Then I found out who she was, her name and when I found out this new friends name, it was eerily similar and same ethnicity. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 5 Share Posted November 5 8 minutes ago, MariaHelenaGina said: I didn't know he was with her But now you know and now he's dismissing you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MariaHelenaGina Posted November 5 Author Share Posted November 5 2 hours ago, Gaeta said: But now you know and now he's dismissing you. So it's her that's why he's doing this?? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 5 Share Posted November 5 1 hour ago, MariaHelenaGina said: So it's her that's why he's doing this?? Why do you think he won't talk to you about it when you ask questions? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 5 Share Posted November 5 To add to that, aren't PhDs 5 years at minimum? Regardless of whether there's anything going on with this woman, 5 years is a long time to be long distance. The vast majority of very healthy and happy relationships would never survive 5 years apart. And I'm saying this as a person who has done 2 years of LDR, with a relationship that survived the distance. It all sounds easy until you actually try it, and then you realize that every day and week feels like torture. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 5 Share Posted November 5 At the end it’s more about reciprocity and whether your needs are met. Remember Op lack of answers or lack of disclosure is an answer in itself. It’s showing you the relationship with him is one sided. You may never know the truth. But you get to choose what type of partner you have in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
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