I feel like I want to break up with my boyfriend but I feel too guilty!

[Rubyrose]

I have been with my boyfriend for a year now from November 2023 we was friends before we dated for 3 years. We live 2 hours away from each other so we only see each other at weekends sometimes with 2 week gaps inbetween each meet. I thought i found the man i want to spend the rest of my life with, amazing guy great qualities, adventurous outgoing and wanted everything what I wanted (live together,house kids one day). Around April time this year I started to notice his lack of affection and showing his love which started to bother me. It was bothering me when I tried to cuddle him and kiss him I felt he wasn't comfortable with it and I felt rejected. The relationship became very flat very fast, its like hes got too comfortable too fast and doesnt make any effort to keep the spark alive. He's been brought up in a family that arnt affectionate people which tells me it could be why he's the way he is. Anyway months on around July i could really feel myself resenting him and pulling away from him so I had a very long conversation with him telling him I was unhappy and struggling to deal with the lack of love and affectionate especially when we don't see each other that much. He took it on board and started to improve on things he lacks in, hes improved in some ways but i respect hes trying. In the last 5 months of the relationship its like a button has been switched off inside me and im not feeling him anymore. I don't enjoy sex with him anymore i feel really uncomfortable and icky, I have sex for the sake of i dont want him to notice something is wrong. I am like a totally different person compared to how I use to be with him as i have naturally pulled away because im not feeling it anymore. All of my romantic feelings and sexual attraction have vanished and I have realised I don't love him. I feel like im back to the beginning just like when we was just friends.

I told him how i feel and that i cant carry on feeling like this anymore and i felt like my decision was made. He asked me to give him more time so I said okay, however my gut instantly told me I have done the wrong thing. I was hoping my feelings would come back for the last 5 months and it's got worse. I'm devastated as he's amazing but I just cant force it.

I guess I am just looking for some reassurance I feel I have put his feelings before my own because I feel so guilty leaving him anyone felt like this before?

[basil67]

There's nothing to feel guilty about.  You gave it your best, but ultimately discovered that you're not a match

[Gebidozo]

If you have no romantic feelings or sexual attraction for him you should break up. There is nothing to feel guilty about. Staying with a person you don’t love is a much more hurtful and cruel choice.

[Acacia98]

You've done everything you reasonably can plus more, OP. If your relationship was meant to be, it would still be going strong.

So it's time to respect yourself and move on. And if he respects you and cares about you, he will let you go too.

[Leihla_B]

Nothing to feel guilty about. The goal of dating is to learn whether you've found the right match for you, and you have not. I'd phone him and tell him that I've rethought about taking more time, and I don't want to do it. It's natural to feel some grief; nobody enjoys breaking up. Comfort yourself with the understanding that this is best for both of you.

[Rubyrose]

Thank you, I feel I needed to hear this. The more the days go on, I feel he's trying more and more which makes me feel so guilty. I can't turn my feelings back on. He's an amazing guy, nice person but he's not my person.

[Leihla_B]

3 hours ago, Rubyrose said:

Thank you, I feel I needed to hear this. The more the days go on, I feel he's trying more and more which makes me feel so guilty. I can't turn my feelings back on. He's an amazing guy, nice person but he's not my person.

This ^^^ is what I'd tell him. It's honest, and it doesn't offer him breadcrumbs to latch onto against his own best interests.

Hang in there, you can do this.