Post break-up thoughts. Is this behavior normal or it is not?

[mike_m]

27 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

OP, I'm not sure what you hope to accomplish by trying to psychoanalyze her.  You're not in a relationship with her anymore and it's not your place or your business to try to figure her out or analyze her.  You did all you could in the situation and now it's over.  There is nothing left to do but just let it go, leave it in the past and focus on yourself.  

I don't want to accomplish anything. I am confused because in my opinion things that are way beyond normal behavior happened and I want to understand.

[Acacia98]

On 11/10/2024 at 10:14 AM, mike_m said:

This is true, but apart from feeling a little low, everything else is fine.

 

This is true. I felt I had to tell her my point of view, to give her my advice as I am the only person who saw some of the things she did, her behaviors, her moods swings, her emotional states. More important, there is the diagnosis of the psychiatrist I talked to, who was positive she has bipolar II and since she had suicide thoughts in the past, I had to urge her to consider other possibilities. What scares me the most is that the other psychiatrist she is talking to told her she is just fine, she doesn't have any mood disorder, she doesn't need meds, she just needs psychotherapy. He didn't provide a clear explanation for her mood swings, her depression, her past suicide thoughts, her anxiety, agitation, irritability, obsessive thoughts and so on. If this guy is wrong, he is putting her life in danger and that just breaks my heart. I did what I had to do, I told her what I thought about it, even though she might hate me for this and think I want to manipulate her. I had to tell her, but I didn't try to force her into anything. I just tried to do my best to handle to situation and help her. I am sure I made some mistakes, but it is such a difficult position to be in.

I know, I absolutely agree with you.

I don't think I can do that now. I should have contacted her family weeks, even months ago. I didn't, I thought it wasn't respectful and I regret I didn't. I don't even know what how much her family knows about it. We currently live in another country so communication is difficult. And now that we broke up, it would just look as an attempt to change the situation instead of helping her. I will never do that.

That's cool. It sounded like you needed a confirmation that you'd done all you could do so that you could be at peace. I guess that's why some of us are responding as we are. It's not that we think you're out of control and are going to violate her boundaries. It's that you sound like you're going to worry perpetually and blame yourself for not doing enough. I do agree that you're in a very difficult position. I empathize with you.

 

On 11/10/2024 at 1:00 PM, mike_m said:

I really don't see why in that moment she would have told me the guy told her she is fine, which is exactly what got me worried.

I honestly got the impression she made that up. I thought she was tired of undergoing treatment and was simply giving the explanation she thought would work best.

[mike_m]

12 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

That's cool. It sounded like you needed a confirmation that you'd done all you could do so that you could be at peace. I guess that's why some of us are responding as we are. It's not that we think you're out of control and are going to violate her boundaries. It's that you sound like you're going to worry perpetually and blame yourself for not doing enough. I do agree that you're in a very difficult position. I empathize with you.

I think it's normal to worry now, and even for the next weeks or months, it would be not normal otherwise, in my opinion. It will fade at some point. This is very fresh, the last call we had is from two weeks ago.

 

12 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

I honestly got the impression she made that up. I thought she was tired of undergoing treatment and was simply giving the explanation she thought would work best.

I might be wrong, but I don't think she made that up. It is possible she omitted some details and hide some things from him, but I think the guy really thinks she doesn't have a mood disorder or any particular issues. I think he really told her that she just needs psychotherapy. The fact she was tired of taking meds is very very likely, also because she saw that at some point she started to feel sick again, even when taking meds. The point is there are different meds for different issues.  Anti-depressants cannot help manage bipolar disorder, she needs a mood stabilizer, that's why the meds only worked for a while (that's what the psychiatrist told me). I just hope that if things will get worse and psychotherapy will prove once again ineffective, she will remember what the psychiatrist I recommended her told her and she will decide to take those meds she refused.