Planning the 2nd date

[max3732]

I went out with this woman from an online dating site and thought the date went pretty well. At the end I didn't try to kiss her since I've been rejected on so many first dates I figured I'd wait until the 2nd.

During the date she did a lot of the talking, but we seemed to have a lot in common. She's educated, has a lot of the same hobbies and values as me, and a good sense of humor. Right after I was traveling and have a cold now so had to hold off the 2nd date. About an hour after the date she sent me a text on the app with her number saying she loved talking to me and can't wait to see me again.

We've kept in touch with text and she's sent me a ton of pictures (g rated) and info about her. She's very into music, exercise, eating healthy, dogs, and has a lot of interesting stories and has the same relationship goals.

One issue is she lives about 45 minutes and the most direct route is through a bad area. Where she lives is fine though and I can go another way that's about 5-10 minutes longer.

For our 2nd date some ideas I had were a cooking class at the same general area we met for the 1st date, but the parking is very expensive and so is the class. I know she likes cooking, but is that too much so early? Another would be something active like a tandem kayak or mini golf, something passive like a movie or concert, or should I stick with dinner at a place close to her?

I also don't know how to respond to her sending all these pictures. A couple of them showed a lot of cleavage and I don't know if using a word like "sexy" is appropriate at this stage

[Gaeta]

I'm glad you gad a great first date!

Yes the cooking lesson is too much for a second date. Mini-golf sounds good and those places where you can have a drink and play board games are usually super fun! 

45 min drive is nothing, l drive more than that morning and night to go to work. It's nothing if it's to spend time with someone you enjoy.

I suggest you remain a gentleman and not use words like sexy especially you did not kiss. I don't know why she sends so many pictures, maybe she thinks she needs to do that to keep your attention. At some point she will get tired of sending them. Just say thank you, and the original lady is better than any pictures.

[basil67]

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

One issue is she lives about 45 minutes and the most direct route is through a bad area. Where she lives is fine though and I can go another way that's about 5-10 minutes longer.

For our 2nd date some ideas I had were a cooking class at the same general area we met for the 1st date, but the parking is very expensive and so is the class.

Issues around driving, limited parking and expensive parking are complaints you raise regularly, and if a woman knows how you're feeling, she's very likely to be turned off.  If you can't manage the travel and parking with confidence and ease, then you would be wise to date closer to home.   

[max3732]

14 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I'm glad you gad a great first date!

Yes the cooking lesson is too much for a second date. Mini-golf sounds good and those places where you can have a drink and play board games are usually super fun! 

45 min drive is nothing, l drive more than that morning and night to go to work. It's nothing if it's to spend time with someone you enjoy.

I suggest you remain a gentleman and not use words like sexy especially you did not kiss. I don't know why she sends so many pictures, maybe she thinks she needs to do that to keep your attention. At some point she will get tired of sending them. Just say thank you, and the original lady is better than any pictures.

She's a tough one for me to figure out. On the one hand she says she is dating with intention and wants to find a husband and have kids, but some of her pictures show a lot of cleavage and are borderline inappropriate. In person she was also adjusting her boobs and talking about feeling uncomfortable with a bra as we were walking and I didn't quite know how to react. 

I don't mind driving the 45 minutes, it's just I don't want to drive through the bad area on the way to see her. It also makes it a bit tough for me to plan the dates since I don't know the area around her at all. It's probably been 5+ years since I've been close to where she lives. Most of the places I know would be 20 to 25 minutes for her so about halfway

I'm just trying to figure out how to avoid the dreaded "no romantic chemistry" message and want to show her I'm interested. I've thanked her for the pictures and made comments about the activities she's doing or just said she looks great doing it. 

[max3732]

12 hours ago, basil67 said:

Issues around driving, limited parking and expensive parking are complaints you raise regularly, and if a woman knows how you're feeling, she's very likely to be turned off.  If you can't manage the travel and parking with confidence and ease, then you would be wise to date closer to home.   

Parking and driving don't seem to be an issue here as much as a bad area around it and then not knowing what kinds of activities to do. It's been so long since I've had a 2nd date

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

. In person she was also adjusting her boobs and talking about feeling uncomfortable with a bra as we were walking and I didn't quite know how to react

Out of curiosity, does she have large breasts? I'm asking because l'm petite with large breasts and l often joke that people meet my breats before they meet me. Everything l wear has cleavage, it's not done on purpose it's how clothes ill-fit on me. Once l wore a turtle neck to a date, the guy called me afterward and told me l was a tease. No matter how l dress l can't win. When l was dating sometimes men made me feel like l had large breasts on purpose and large breasts, of course for them, automatically meant l was slutty.

 

Edited November 9 by Gaeta

[basil67]

5 hours ago, max3732 said:

some of her pictures show a lot of cleavage and are borderline inappropriate.

Further on this topic, and as someone else who is well endowed: if she has large breasts then full coverage will have have the effect of making her look like a barge...and then you'd probably complain about the visual impact of that.   A scoop or V neck shirt gives a visual break.  As for what to say if she's expressing discomfort with her bra, you simply commiserate.  Just as you would if she said her shoes were hurting

6 hours ago, max3732 said:

Parking and driving don't seem to be an issue here as much as a bad area around it and then not knowing what kinds of activities to do. It's been so long since I've had a 2nd date

If it's not an issue, why did you list it as an issue?   Seriously, driving and parking seem to be an issue on so many of your dates.   As for what to do, it sounds like you live in a large city, so there would be websites for "what's on in xxx".   If you haven't already done so, get on their mailing list

[glows]

6 hours ago, max3732 said:

She's a tough one for me to figure out. On the one hand she says she is dating with intention and wants to find a husband and have kids, but some of her pictures show a lot of cleavage and are borderline inappropriate. In person she was also adjusting her boobs and talking about feeling uncomfortable with a bra as we were walking and I didn't quite know how to react. 

I don't mind driving the 45 minutes, it's just I don't want to drive through the bad area on the way to see her. It also makes it a bit tough for me to plan the dates since I don't know the area around her at all. It's probably been 5+ years since I've been close to where she lives. Most of the places I know would be 20 to 25 minutes for her so about halfway

I'm just trying to figure out how to avoid the dreaded "no romantic chemistry" message and want to show her I'm interested. I've thanked her for the pictures and made comments about the activities she's doing or just said she looks great doing it. 

She’s open and comfortable chatting but sounds like TMI talking about her bra. Be a gentleman and don’t make any comments, just be respectful. If you’re not attracted to her personality don’t lead her on. 

Don’t plan expensive dates early on and meet half way. What is the matter with her meeting you halfway at a restaurant. Is that an issue or has she said anything? If she’s dating with intention she should also be listening intently to you and asking important questions about your lifestyle and what you’re about and the conversation hopefully isn’t mostly her talking about herself.

[Leihla_B]

7 hours ago, max3732 said:

I'm just trying to figure out how to avoid the dreaded "no romantic chemistry" message and want to show her I'm interested.

You can't make a minefield out of this; that will screw with your head. Most people are NOT our match, so learn how to roll with 'no chemistry' messages and move forward to meet the next person. The RIGHT person is out there, she's a needle in the haystack, so every rejection leads you one step closer to finding HER.

As for the current lady, I'd choose a good-rated restaurant with either dedicated parking or a valet and make this more about getting to know one another than trying to impress her. 

The goal is not to hold onto anyone just for the sake of keeping her dating, it's to assess whether YOU think she is a good match for YOU. If she dumps you before then, she's spared you the effort by screening herself out. Learn to think of rejections as puzzle pieces that don't match--but both are equally valid to the whole, they just don't belong together. Rejection speaks of another's limitations rather than of any reflection on you. The right person will view you through the right lens--and she's supposed to be RARE, or how special could love be?

Edited November 9 by Leihla_B

[max3732]

On 11/9/2024 at 10:51 AM, Gaeta said:

Out of curiosity, does she have large breasts? I'm asking because l'm petite with large breasts and l often joke that people meet my breats before they meet me. Everything l wear has cleavage, it's not done on purpose it's how clothes ill-fit on me. Once l wore a turtle neck to a date, the guy called me afterward and told me l was a tease. No matter how l dress l can't win. When l was dating sometimes men made me feel like l had large breasts on purpose and large breasts, of course for them, automatically meant l was slutty.

 

They're not the largest I've ever seen, but are definitely on the larger side. I'm sorry it's such a struggle. I'm very sympathetic to have much work women go through to get ready. When I see someone well put together I always try and give her a compliment and it's genuine. Men have it much easier in that regard

23 hours ago, basil67 said:

Further on this topic, and as someone else who is well endowed: if she has large breasts then full coverage will have have the effect of making her look like a barge...and then you'd probably complain about the visual impact of that.   A scoop or V neck shirt gives a visual break.  As for what to say if she's expressing discomfort with her bra, you simply commiserate.  Just as you would if she said her shoes were hurting

If it's not an issue, why did you list it as an issue?   Seriously, driving and parking seem to be an issue on so many of your dates.   As for what to do, it sounds like you live in a large city, so there would be websites for "what's on in xxx".   If you haven't already done so, get on their mailing list

That's good to know. A few of her pictures she's leaning forward and I can see a lot of her breasts. For me it's tough because I've never seen them in person and I'd really like to, but I'm trying hard to not focus on them even if she'd discussing them.

Parking isn't an issue in the area right where she lives, but it is nearby. I live about 25 minutes from a large city and parking is an issue in the city. Within 10-15 minutes from me I can usually park with no problem, but I don't seem to find many women there. There's a nice restaurant with ample parking 25 minutes from both us we can walk afterwards. The cooking class costs nearly $100 per person plus $20 to park so I think that would be too much for a 2nd date.

23 hours ago, glows said:

She’s open and comfortable chatting but sounds like TMI talking about her bra. Be a gentleman and don’t make any comments, just be respectful. If you’re not attracted to her personality don’t lead her on. 

Don’t plan expensive dates early on and meet half way. What is the matter with her meeting you halfway at a restaurant. Is that an issue or has she said anything? If she’s dating with intention she should also be listening intently to you and asking important questions about your lifestyle and what you’re about and the conversation hopefully isn’t mostly her talking about herself.

There's no issue with meeting her halfway at a restaurant, it's just that we met at a restaurant for the 1st date. I was thinking of mini-golf and a restaurant, but that would be at the same shopping area as the 1st date.

[basil67]

One of the goals in a first date is to find out what things they enjoy doing, and particularly, what things you BOTH enjoy doing.  With this information, you should easily be able to plan a second date.  And if you find she's a foodie, then there's nothing wrong with a second restaurant date

If you're coming away from the first date with no idea of what she likes doing, then there's a problem with either her having no answer, or with neither of you digging to find out more about the other.

[max3732]

20 hours ago, basil67 said:

One of the goals in a first date is to find out what things they enjoy doing, and particularly, what things you BOTH enjoy doing.  With this information, you should easily be able to plan a second date.  And if you find she's a foodie, then there's nothing wrong with a second restaurant date

If you're coming away from the first date with no idea of what she likes doing, then there's a problem with either her having no answer, or with neither of you digging to find out more about the other.

I know a lot of different things she likes to do, but not how to translate that to a 2nd date activity. For example, she's really into fitness and does weights as well as things like yoga, but a workout class doesn't seem like a good 2nd date even though I like those things too. She also loves eating healthy and cooking, which is why I was thinking of a cooking class, but that would be in the same shopping area as the 1st date and be $100 each. If we were dating for a while I'd think we could cook together at home. Another thing is she's very into classical music and plays the piano like me.

So there are a lot of things, but I need to figure out how to translate that to a date

[basil67]

4 hours ago, max3732 said:

I know a lot of different things she likes to do, but not how to translate that to a 2nd date activity. For example, she's really into fitness and does weights as well as things like yoga, but a workout class doesn't seem like a good 2nd date even though I like those things too. She also loves eating healthy and cooking, which is why I was thinking of a cooking class, but that would be in the same shopping area as the 1st date and be $100 each. If we were dating for a while I'd think we could cook together at home. Another thing is she's very into classical music and plays the piano like me.

So invite her on a picnic and pack healthy picnic food.  (Google it)

A cooking class could be a good idea later on, but only if it fills a gap in her knowledge.  

Edited November 11 by basil67

[Gaeta]

4 hours ago, max3732 said:

So there are a lot of things, but I need to figure out how to translate that to a date

It does not have to be complicated. Go hicking, go to a flea market, go to a comedy club, go to a drag queen show, just google what your city has to offer.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

It does not have to be complicated. Go hicking, go to a flea market, go to a comedy club, go to a drag queen show, just google what your city has to offer.

Indeed.    I can't remember if I've already made this suggestion to you or someone else, but do a broad Google search for activities in your city.  If you find a mailing list, subscribe to it.  My local one is called "What's on in xxx"