getting back out there

[Higg8894]

hi, im 30, and have finally gotten over my previous relationship and feel ready to carry on with life. the bottom line is im lonely at the moment. im terrible socially, or i tell myself i am but once im out there i know im ok, but i dont have any 'common' interests that allow me to get out and meet people. i dont drink so meeting people on nights out and what not isnt an option anymore. The default way to meet people these days seems to be dating sites/apps but i really struggle when it comes to photos, i know it sounds stupid but i cant take a selfie, when i try i just look awkward and end up feeling stupid. i dont posses much in the way of confidence but im fairly confident saying im ok looking lol.

Im on here partly asking for anyones opinion or suggestions, and partly its done me some good to get it out, despite it not being verbal it has helped typing it out lol.

Any opinions would be very much appreciated.

cheers,

josh.

[glows]

I spent 3 years on my own after my divorce figuring out my identity and rediscovering hobbies all over again. Everyone is a little different but you saying you don’t have common interests just sounds like you don’t know for sure what your interests are. You can also go out and drink non alcoholic beverages, skip the drunks or people who judge you. You’re not expected to become a social butterfly - I certainly wasn’t and am not. Just be more confident and positive. 

[basil67]

What are your interests?  Even relatively solo activities can be done in company.    Also, I'm glad to find someone else who can't do selfies....I was starting to think I'm the only one.

[Leihla_B]

Even the most solitary interests, such as reading, have some clubs formed around them, or classes you can take to get better at something.

My goal would be general socialization. Once I can get a handle on that, I'd consider dating.

Older people are especially receptive to being social mentors. They hold the last vestiges of social order in gathering people for the common interest of benefitting both young and old. Some benefits of general socializing are introductions to other people, inclusion in events AND cultivating confidants who will root for you to date and are willing to take good photos of you.

Consider exploring meetup.org and sites for local volunteer opportunities. If you love animals or art or a clean neighborhood, your neighbors will adore you.

Edited November 9 by Leihla_B

[basil67]

meetup.com is a place to meet people who share your interests.   Go along and meet people.  Get to know both men and women with a view to expanding your friend base and social skills.  

However, I will caution you that guys who use meetup to meet a woman get a very bad reputation and may find themselves kicked out of the group.   Focus on getting to know people and dating will follow in it's own good time  

[Shreey]

Hello from Indonesia, I'm 30 when I lost the love of my life, now I'm 44. I was hurt really-really bad back then, sometimes I still cry when it crossed my mind.. I know this is not healthy but this is something I cannot control. Getting older makes me want just be alone. I tried to have relationship with other guy but none of it works, then I got tired of the drama and just wannabe alone. I tried online dating but it's really tiring to talk to stranger and most of them that talked to me are pervert. Now I also don't feel comfortable posting my pictures online, I used to be very active on social media in my 20ist but now I took down all my photos, I don't know why I just feel uncomfortable to have my photos on social media, and hey I'm not bad looking to be honest.. I went out drinking sometimes but I can't stay for too long in crowded places like bars or club because I don't smoke and most people there are smoking. And yes in here some guys there are only looking for sex or one night stand. It seems I can't find decent guy anywhere lol. Because at my age people are mostly already taken!

I like nature photography, posting some of my photo online but of course not the picture of myself, I went to take some pictures outside when I have free time, and of course I go alone. All my friends are married and have kids and they focus on their family. I don't know if I will ever met someone to be my soulmate again, I'm so focus on myself, I don't like drama, and really enjoy being alone. When I feel lonely I channel my thought into something else, sometimes just go to the beach alone and have a long walk, watching funny videos, or go the restaurant and order whatever I like. I also enjoy spend my time in library, it is funny because nobody at my age going to the library here, most woman at my age are busy with their family at home, and most everyone here are student of high school and university so yes they look at me like "why this old lady here" but hey I just really don't bother. People here think I'm weird for being alone, when I go out alone they always ask "why are you alone??". Am I really that weird for being alone? I'm an orphan and the only child so I don't have brother or sister to share my thought. All my cousins/relative are also already married and have children, and to be honest sometimes they look down on me because I'm alone, but I don't let myself bother with it.