getting back out there

[Higg8894]

hi, im 30, and have finally gotten over my previous relationship and feel ready to carry on with life. the bottom line is im lonely at the moment. im terrible socially, or i tell myself i am but once im out there i know im ok, but i dont have any 'common' interests that allow me to get out and meet people. i dont drink so meeting people on nights out and what not isnt an option anymore. The default way to meet people these days seems to be dating sites/apps but i really struggle when it comes to photos, i know it sounds stupid but i cant take a selfie, when i try i just look awkward and end up feeling stupid. i dont posses much in the way of confidence but im fairly confident saying im ok looking lol.

Im on here partly asking for anyones opinion or suggestions, and partly its done me some good to get it out, despite it not being verbal it has helped typing it out lol.

Any opinions would be very much appreciated.

cheers,

josh.

[glows]

I spent 3 years on my own after my divorce figuring out my identity and rediscovering hobbies all over again. Everyone is a little different but you saying you don’t have common interests just sounds like you don’t know for sure what your interests are. You can also go out and drink non alcoholic beverages, skip the drunks or people who judge you. You’re not expected to become a social butterfly - I certainly wasn’t and am not. Just be more confident and positive. 

[basil67]

What are your interests?  Even relatively solo activities can be done in company.    Also, I'm glad to find someone else who can't do selfies....I was starting to think I'm the only one.

[Leihla_B]

Even the most solitary interests, such as reading, have some clubs formed around them, or classes you can take to get better at something.

My goal would be general socialization. Once I can get a handle on that, I'd consider dating.

Older people are especially receptive to being social mentors. They hold the last vestiges of social order in gathering people for the common interest of benefitting both young and old. Some benefits of general socializing are introductions to other people, inclusion in events AND cultivating confidants who will root for you to date and are willing to take good photos of you.

Consider exploring meetup.org and sites for local volunteer opportunities. If you love animals or art or a clean neighborhood, your neighbors will adore you.

Edited November 9, 2024 by Leihla_B

[basil67]

meetup.com is a place to meet people who share your interests.   Go along and meet people.  Get to know both men and women with a view to expanding your friend base and social skills.  

However, I will caution you that guys who use meetup to meet a woman get a very bad reputation and may find themselves kicked out of the group.   Focus on getting to know people and dating will follow in it's own good time  

[Higg8894]

Hey im so sorry, you all bothered to reply with insightful thoughtful answers and ive taken ages to get back to you im really sorry that was really rude. i really appreciate the advice, since i posted that message life has changed dramatically, in some ways for the better, in some ways i feel like ive moved backwards. when i first posted i was stayig with family in birmingham, and tbh was really enjoying the diversity and just the feel of the city. i come from a tiny little village in dorset, and for once i felt happy to be in a city, village life is 99% retirement age, no culture, or art of youth, other than frustrated teenage angst being channeled in the wrong directions. however my life long dream has always been to work on old ww2 aircraft, and i have finally found a position in my dream job! but at the same time its meant moving back to a tiny little village, back to 99% population of retired white conservatives, and i know thats me being judgmental so i apologise but i think ive triggered myself to the point where i usually back a bag and bail, but ive worked so hard to get where i am - sorry im rambling now haha - what id really like to stress that i really appreciate all of your input - thankyou

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, Higg8894 said:

however my life long dream has always been to work on old ww2 aircraft, and i have finally found a position in my dream job!

Good for you!

Enjoy and celebrate this accomplishment OP. When you do something you love, that passion shines through. You might be surprised at what you can unlock in dating potential when you feel better about yourself overall.