STINE Posted November 10 Share Posted November 10 Hi! I been in a LDR for 4,5 years with a man I have caught cheating numerous times.. yes I know I should have left long ago...🫣 I made boundaries because of the past and he can't seem to follow up. We talk all the time and today after 6 hours quiet I sent him a message on whatsapp.. and 2 and 3. Then after 20 min I called. Then I noticed his internet was all of a sudden off. Then i called his phone, he didn't pick and then his phone went off too...and I sent him sms. I was wondering he were somewhere he didn't want me to know of course.. He knows very well after his cheating he have alot more effort to do now... After 30 min I called him again the phone was on..but he didn't pick. Then it went off again. This happened numerous times. After 1,5 hours he picked my phone call and the internet went on as well. I could hear he was driving... he told me his phone was messed up, that it turned off itself all the time. I asked where have u been driving to, he said he was on his way home he just been driving to fill gas.... NOW all of a sudden he could talk with me, when he was on his way home. NOW all of a sudden his phone didn't turn off again. I told him this is not the first time ur phone went off when I tried to reach u. Before he told me it was because of low battery even though he forgot he sent me a screenshot of something 15 min earlier where his battery showed 87%.. Have this earlier cheating and lying made me crazy or does it make sense to u guys 🤷🏼♀️ we have applied for him to come to my country and we will get an answer very soon. I feel stupid and dont want to regret anything. thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author STINE Posted November 10 Author Share Posted November 10 He even told me fuxk off and hanged up! 🥺 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 10 Share Posted November 10 Boundaries aren't for the other person to follow. Instead, they are for you to recognise and act when you see the boundary crossed. In this case, it's simple. Your boundary has been broken numerous times and he doesn't care. Cancel the application for this loser to come to your country and block him 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 11 Share Posted November 11 (edited) I agree with basil, a boundary is not established to keep your partner in line. In this case, an example of a boundary would be - I will not stay and allow you to treat me with disrespect if you do not communicate consistently, if you disregard and dismiss my feelings, or if you are unfaithful. Full stop. Serial infidelity early in a relationship (before you even marry the man) is not something you work through… it’s the reason you end the relationship. I’m not interested in monitoring my partner in this way. I’m not going to be calling him to learn his whereabouts and confirm that he is not betraying my trust… The moment that I feel the need to do this, is the moment that I end the relationship. Relationships do not work without trust, and you clearly do not trust your partner (for good reason). So no, I would not sponsor him to move to my country. I would not marry this man. When people show you who they are, believe them. Edited November 11 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 11 Share Posted November 11 YOU need to learn why you have a boundary. that boundary is FOR YOU. for you to take action when he crossed that boundary long ago! For YOU to cut off all communication when he didn’t earn your trust back! end it - and save yourself from his toxic behavior. He isn’t respecting you and you can’t trust him at all! So there is no relationship that can look healthy - you will only get hurt even more if you choose to continue with him! YOU are the one who should take action when anyone crosses your boundary. you haven’t done that FOR yourself! Take action now. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 11 Share Posted November 11 16 hours ago, STINE said: we have applied for him to come to my country and we will get an answer very soon Please, go and cancel that application. It will be a huge mistake. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 11 Share Posted November 11 17 hours ago, STINE said: He even told me fuxk off and hanged up! 🥺 You are a victim of romantic fraud. Contact your government and cancel this sponsorship. At the moment he will land in your country he will disappear and you will be financially responsible for him for the years to come. I bet you have already spent a generous amount of money on having him immigrate. Many lonely women fall for these frauds. You're not alone. Search google to find an organization that can help you get rid of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted November 11 Share Posted November 11 Out of all the men in the entire world, why would you stick with someone who cheats, lies and tells you to f_@k off? Adopt the self-respect to unplug from this guy. Cancel all immigration work, and liberate yourself from this self-torture. You WILL thank yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 11 Share Posted November 11 (edited) You need a long lesson on what boundaries look like - healthy boundaries. yours looks like you have NO boundary. my boundary keeps me happy, healthy and safe! And if anyone crosses that boundary I eliminate them. you should have eliminated him long ago. Edited November 11 by S2B 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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