Sharing A Success Story

[ManicHayze]

I would like to share my story with those of you out there in LD relationships. As words of encouragement, of course!

 

I met Kim as a friend-of-a-friend type thing, online. After we were introduced we spoke alot, and we found out many things about each other that first night. We learned we lived about 1200 miles from each other, and we were also seperated by about 15 years of age. I was 18, and she was 33. Neither of us had any idea of a relationship, period.

 

We kept talking online alot, and even arranged specific times to talk. And eventually, we started calling one-another, as if we were friends that lived nearby. We had our uptimes and downtimes, but we always stayed in contact.

 

Well, after speaking for a bit, we eventually met and we *really* hit it off. We talked, and laughed, and hung out, and eventually, went our own ways. But we continued to talk online and on the phone. Finally, she brought up my thoughts on a LDR. I was honest, and told her I have never even tried it before! Which, was the truth. And I was always skeptical of it, because it was hard for me to trust someone I couldn't see every day. But, I felt I could trust her so we tried it, and it was great. We spoke alot, but also knew to give each other space.

 

She planned on coming down to spend New Years with me, and she proposed the idea I move up with her. And, so I did. Currently, we live together now, and it is great I am 19 now, and she is 34, so there is an age difference. But we are both really happy, and every now and then, we'll send each other IM's from PC to PC, just for a giggle or two

 

From my experiences, there is some advice I can offer, after successfully surviving a LDR. Here they are:

 

-Trust. This is THE #1 MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR of ANY relationship. Long distance or not. But even more so LD. Because, you will hear about times when he/she went out and did this with these people. And you have to trust they will be faithful.

 

- Don't expect alot. I know, I will get flamed for saying this, but you can't go into it, expecting this person to be "the one", and everything will work out like a fairytale. This , again, is with any relationship, but I see alot more people looking for this life-long companion online, and will jump with the 1st person who IM's them. When I met Kim, I didn't expect anything but friends. And even after we agreed to a committed relationship, I still didn't expect alot. I was open-minded, and always kept in the back of my mind, she would find someone closer to her, and that would be that. I think accepting the fact that she may find someone closer, helped me get along, preparing myself for the worst.

 

- Age. Now, I have no right to preach to anyone about age. Like I said, I am 19 and Kim is 34. that is 15 years. But, I would recommend BOTH people be atleast 18 years old. This makes the possibility of being together, much much better, just because you are both adults who make your OWN decisions. You aren't governed by your parents ideas. I'm not saying a 16 year old and a 20 year old wouldn't work, I'm just saying it would be tough. Especially seeing the 16 year old is probably still living at home, and is still the responsibility of his/her parents.

 

- Don't seclude yourself. Just because you are in a long distance relationship, doesn't mean you can't keep your eyes open locally. Don't be afraid to go out and socialize, and meet new people. You never know who you will meet, and I never felt "trapped" at home, like I couldn't go out. Alot of people say they don't go out because what if they meet someone they like, and they may do something behind their LD person's back? That's great. Not doing something behind someone's back, but it is great you met someone. You should talk to this LD person and tell them you met someone there you may be interested in. I feel you should both be okay with the idea of meeting new people locally, atleast unintentionally.

 

- Have a plan. So many LD relationships fail I think because of a lack of any plan. You always get the whole "we'll see what happens". I hate to tell you, but "we miss each other, and want to be together" isn't plan. You should set realistic goals of maybe seeing each other at certain dates. i.e, holidays, vacation time, etc. The "winging it" plan seems to be for people who are afraid of being alone, and like to have someone to talk to and like having the intimacy of a relationship, but are not serious. So if you are in a LDR, try to make a plan. It will keep you focused on the future, and won't keep you wondering "when". if the other person says they don't know, they want to see what happens, etc....they probably aren't serious.

 

Anyhow, enough of my ramblings. If you have gotten this far, I commend you! I was just sharing my story and some advice on how my LDR succeeded, and now we are living together