Is husband waiting in the wings for someone else

[Pixie Dust]

Hi, I wondered whether I could have some advice please. 
 

I’ve been in a long term relationships with my husband for many years. We’re very happy. Have children. Own a house, have a dog together.  The only thing is, I think he has an infatuation with another woman. 
 

The ‘said’ woman is a former drinking acquaintance. I used to hang around with her for years before I met my husband. Then a few years ago we got back in touch and had quite a few ‘nights out’ with her and her boyfriend. That’s when the trouble started. 
 

He suddenly got a case of ‘mentionitus’ and couldn’t stop talking about how attractive he thought she was. Down from her physical looks, to telling me how dirty in bed he thought she would be. She got wind of him ‘fancying’ her and would proceed to wind me up about it. Telling me he was complimenting her all the time and being over the top flirty. 
 

This was a very difficult time in our relationship, and we nearly broke up over it so many times. We have managed to work through it for the sake of the kids, and we are a lot better now. But he’ll still come out with comments now like ‘She’s the most attractive person he’s met’ ( other than me ) and nobody he ever meets will compare to her ( look wise ). 
 

She’s definitely not interested in him as he’s the complete opposite of her usual type. But I just feel like he’s waiting in the wings for a chance with her to ever happen. Like I’m 2nd best and ‘I’ll do’ until he gets his chance. 
 

Am I deluded in thinking he’ll grow out of this pathetic school crush 1 day or is this just going to be my life now unless I end things.  

[Leihla_B]

Do you continue to socialize with her?

[ShyViolet]

On 11/11/2024 at 4:46 AM, Pixie Dust said:

He suddenly got a case of ‘mentionitus’ and couldn’t stop talking about how attractive he thought she was. Down from her physical looks, to telling me how dirty in bed he thought she would be. She got wind of him ‘fancying’ her and would proceed to wind me up about it. Telling me he was complimenting her all the time and being over the top flirty. 

This was a very difficult time in our relationship, and we nearly broke up over it so many times. We have managed to work through it for the sake of the kids, and we are a lot better now. But he’ll still come out with comments now like ‘She’s the most attractive person he’s met’ ( other than me ) and nobody he ever meets will compare to her ( look wise ). 

The blatant disrespect here is unbelievable.  There's nothing necessarily wrong with a married person having a "crush" on someone else and finding them attractive, we're all human and it happens more than people realize.  But the way he keeps throwing it in your face and won't stop telling you these things is truly intentional and off the charts disrespectful.  How has he gotten to the point where he thinks it's ok to do that?

[Gebidozo]

Your husband’s behavior is completely unacceptable. I’m surprised you’re still staying with him and even describe your relationship as “very happy”. If my partner spoke like that about another man, that would be the end of the relationship.

The problem is not just his dumb crush, but his shameless drooling over that woman right in front of you. I think you should respect enough to not let a person treat you this way.

[spiritedaway2003]

Some people can simply beautiful or handsome and one can acknowledge/admire their beauty.  That's one thing.  But there is still a tactful way of not going overboard and disrespecting your partner or your partner's feelings.  Your husband's lack of respect for you is highly problematic.  Another way to think of it is this:  if she gives him the green light, do you think he'd cheat on you?   If you think he would, doesn't that speak to the lack of trust you have in your relationship even as it exists right now?