Feedback from women on emotions

[GuySimple]

Hi need a woman’s perspective on a few things. As I mentioned in an earlier post my wife agreed to see a councilor with me next week. We have been separated for 5 months and she had always refused to go in the past.

 

Anyhow, I am trying to get a read on her and figure out what is going through her mind. Some days she can been fairly emotional about the whole thing while others she is very cool. It is almost like she is afraid that I am going to strike up a conversation about our situation. She rarely mentions anything to do with emotions or feelings, even of the kids whom she loves very much. She is very much caught up in the logistics of separation not the emotion.

 

She mentioned once to me that she has not taken the time to think emotionally about the situation. This puzzled me and left me thinking how don’t you think about it. I know that with me bring stuff up she puts a barrier up. Tonight for example she called to say goodnight to the kids and was pleasant to me but very professional and really didn’t seem to want to talk much. I expect that my past history of “getting into it” on the phone with her influenced the behavior.

 

She has said that she is not looking forward to the meeting with the councilor because of the emotions. I guess my question would be; is it possible that she has not actually thought about the situation we are in past the logistics of where we each live? I spend the past few months thinking of all the things that were changing. Like this would be the last Xmas together, that there would be no more camping trips as a family etc etc. But I don’t get the feeling she has thought of any of that.

 

I feel sad that I have spent the past several months trying to get over her and move on. That I initiated the councilor visit partly because I wanted to see if there was anything left from me to her. Some days when I am with her I feel absolutely no emotion at all towards her while other days there is something there I think. I don’t know what she thinks if she thinks about me at all. Whenever I bring us up she does not want to talk about it. It has become like the “great unsaid”.

 

At this point I don’t bring us up anymore. I try to explain our kids behavior if it relates to our separation but that is the limit of what I bring up. Maybe she feels it is safe to come out now and talk about it.

[lilmoma1973]

 

Maybe she is scared to tell you how she feels!! Maybe she is regretting you leaving even though she was the one to ask you to leave.. Some women hate to admit they are wrong and by talking about it she will have to admit she made a mistake.. Hang in there she is going to counseling ,my gut tells me that she is wanting to work things out.. Just don't push to hard ,you will find out at your sessions together!!!

[penkitten]

after five months of seperation, and children caught up with it all too, if she hasnt tried to work things out, she isnt going to.

if she wanted to work it out, honey she would have found a way to do it by now.

not comfortable talking about your feelings and emotions she says?

its a cop out, she isnt interested in being married any longer but doesnt want to be the mean nasty bad guy and say it.

what will the neighbors say?

will the kids cry?

will you remind her and will it make her feel guilty for changing her feelings and breaking up her home and her promise to love honor and cherish you?

will you fight her for custody?

will you make her sell the house and split the money and call it even?

do you dare cancel insurance on her or take her off your life insurance policy?

 

to be honest, i am not sure because i do not know her or the circumstances but from here, it sounds like all she wants to tell you is "its none of your buisness" or " im too uncomfy to share my feelings"

 

 

file for the divorce and stop worrying about her feelings.

 

some best friend she turned out to be huh?

[GuySimple]

I am to the point (most days) where it’s like let’s get on with things (divorce). I proposed a financial plan which was very heavily weighted positively in her direction solely so money would not become an issue down the road. I even wanted to speed up the process so we wouldn't have to wait the standard year. She is reluctant to talk about it for whatever her reasons are. I asked her a few months ago if seeing other people was OK with her and she said yes but when she found out that I had dated it seem to really bothered her. After talking about it and clearing the air on a few other things there really seemed to be a connection between us forming. When I mentioned this she went cold again, that she was just happy for being friends again.

 

I am a little disappointed in myself for scheduling a meeting with the councilor. Part of me did it out of guilt for what I was feeling about the kids. I am going with no expectations but it is bring back the confusion and hurt from months ago that I had so neatly tucked away.

[Mistaken Identity]

She might be afraid that if she lets her guard down she'll fall apart.

[Mz. Pixie]

GS-

 

Quite simply, I think that she's seeing how things are on the other side of the fence and that makes her yearn for how she used to have it.

 

For instance, my exhusband was, at the time, my best friend. After I left him, I certainly missed his friendship, and things would happen and I would have to stop myself from calling him to share them. Not that I was in love with him and wanted to be married, but I missed him.

 

I was the one who moved out of the marital home and I also missed my home. I'd picked out many of the things we had there and I missed those things.

 

Could be that she misses you enough to put herself through the counseling and the rebuilding process. Could be that she's just unsure of what she wants to happen.

 

From your past posts she sounds very cool- and that she hides her emotions well. Perhaps she does this to protect herself.