I cant go on please please someone Help me

[LILKim]

I am very very sorry for posting this again it's just that i don't know what to do anymore .Please don't be mad or nothing and i hope you wont mind.But i just need help please help me .:-(

 

Ok this is going to be kinda long I'm sorry for writing so much. Anyway well my b/f just got back from Honduras on the 21st. Since he been back he phone in his house has not been working and I am on vacation right now in another state so if he wants to talk to me he has to go to his cousins house to use the computer to E-mail me or call me. Well, in the past I treated him pretty bad and didn't show enough respect for him b/c I been through bad relationships and I wanted to see if he would leave me if I would treat him like that. And also I get mad really quick when I talk to him so well actually me and him had a lot to work out and we both know that.

 

Well, then since he come back he talked to me like 3 times almost every day but four days ago he got every mad at me and I have not heard from him ever since. It was like this I have this best friend and while my b/f was in Honduras he didn't talk to me much b/c I was never home or whatever the reason was. So i told my best friend to send and instant message to my b/f friend who is in Honduras cuz my Spanish is very bad and my b/f friend asked my friend what his name was and my friend asked me what he should say and i told him, to say his name was Kenny (a guy my b/f hates a lot cuz he is always trying to mess up our relationship) maybe I did it b/c I wanted him to get mad, and told him to say that if he doesn't talk to me soon I am going to leave him and get with another guy.

 

And when my b/f come back he got really mad and was like see what your friend Kenny did he was really mad and I told him I don't even talk to Kenny no more, but I didn't tell him that it was my friend not Kenny. So like on Wednesday I was trying to work all the problems out between me and my man. My friend Miguel the one who said he was Kenny is a very good person and he knows everything about me and his relationship and he is the one always telling me to calm down and just chill, so I wanted to go to a private chat room with both of them so he could help me work everything out with my man. But when my b/f got into the room he was very mad he was like why the hell are you talking to Kenny and said that I am playing dumb games so he is out.

 

He didn't even listen to me so I couldn't tell him that it was not Kenny and that I just told him to say it was Kenny. And he though it was Kenny cuz the same s/n that talked to his friend in Honduras was there so he got mad. And it wasn't I have not talked to him ever since it has been 4 days now and I am going crazy I mean I miss him like hell I don't know what is wrong or if he is ok or even if he wants to be with me or not. And he has not even went to his cousins house or whatever to e-mail me or talk to him. And since yesterday his phone is working I think I mean finally there is a dial tone when u call but none seems to be home (he doesn't know it;s me when I call b/c I press *67)I am very worried and I even talked to his friend he told me he has not talked to him.

 

I don't know what to do anymore I mean I miss him like hell I cant think about nothing else I cant sleep at night (lol)

 

b/c I don't know where he is or whatever.

 

Well and then on the 1st he come online and i saw his name on and i sent him an instant messege well and i was like i was crying and all that and why he is huring me and i ,said that me and him needed to talk.And he was like oh really you did and he was like yeah Kim we need to talk .And all over a sudden he left and come back like 30 minutes later.When he come back he was like sorry about that and i asked where he was and he said he was home.So i was like can i call you and does your phone work now and he said yeah it works so call me .Well i called him but i have no idea what is going on nobody picked up i dunno whats wrong with his phone.I have not taleked to him ever since and i am so sad i cant even sleep.Please someone help me i need serious advice

[Miss Mojo]

hi lilkim,

 

i'm sorry to say, but if this guy doesn't want to talk to you, then you don't have much of a choice in the matter. there's really nothing else that can be said or done that people didn't tell you in your last posting.

 

the best thing for you to do right now is to stop beating yourself up over what happened. what's done is done and nothing can be changed. try to put yourself in your boyfriend's shoes and understand how p!ssed off he must be. i can totally understand why he would be p!ssed off....head games are not fun, and neither is being treated with disrespect.

 

trying to get him to talk to you will only push him away further. he knows you want to talk to him, and he knows how to get in touch with you. he also knows the games you were playing and the disrespect you treated him with, and he probably knows better than go down that road again. he has every reason not to trust you.

 

i don't want to kick you while you are down, but this situation does not look promising. you won't be the first or the last person to feel as though they have messed up a relationship. i just hope you can learn from your actions, and promise yourself never to muck about with other people's feelings again, all because you have you problems that you need to address yourself.

 

you will move on, but only when you stop driving yourself crazy about this. accept that as humans, we all make mistakes and lose things that are important to us, but also accept that there are a trillion and one positive and happy situations awaiting us out there.

 

like i said, i hope you can learn from this, put it behind you and move on.

 

best wishes

[Miss Mojo]

...don't talk yourself into such thoughts. they are totally unhealthy, especially when you are so young.

 

be thankful it wasn't a 20 year marriage that's gone down the drain...now that would cause immense pain and heartache.

[Marzipan]

Dear Kim,

 

Just like Miss Mojo said, it's not the end of the world. I know it feels like it is but you are going to be okay. Right now you are very confused and very hurt. It sounds like your boyfriend is also. If he told you to call him and he didn't pick up then there's two possibilities: 1. His phone may not have been working again or 2. He may not have thought about it enough before he told you to go ahead and call him so he was probably too scared to pick up the phone. Unfortunately, I don't think he was having phone problems if he was online and told you to call him. I think your boyfriend is probably still confused by the whole chat room incident and at the same time busy with work and stuff so he's got a lot of things he needs to sort out.

 

It also sounds like he's scared. I don't know what problems you've had in the past, but it sounds like they've been going on for a while now and maybe this is just too much for him right now. I think he feels threatened by your friend, the one you talk about your relationship. This has probably made him think about your relationship and what he wants. My advice is to try and call him again in a few days. If he is not answering then try to see if he's online. If neither works then you will need to just leave him alone for a while.

 

I know that is incredibly hard to do but under the circumstances, you don't have a choice. If he doesn't talk to you, you can't force him and he's the one with the upperhand in the situation because he's over there and you're here. Talking to his friends won't help, you need to remember that they are his friends and that means that they are loyal to him. So if you ask his friends to tell you if they have talked to him,etc. you are putting them in the middle and it makes it very awkward for them and you. It's not really their place to tell you about him, that would be unfair to him and them to ask about him so don't turn to them for information. You need to wait until he contacts you to find out what is going on.

 

I think that if you just give him more time, he will try to contact you when he's ready and maybe you can work things out. For now, try to concentrate on you and not so much on wondering what he's doing. You did talk to him online and so you know he is ok, be happy that you know that. Now what you need to do is give him time. If you try to reach him again and get no answer then it's obvious he is not ready to deal with you yet.

 

Pushing and trying to call him so much will only make things worse in this case. Give him space and time, only time heals. Now for the hard part: If and when he does contact you, you need to prepare yourself. In the event that he calls you and says that he thinks you two should break up what will you do? I am not trying to scare you here but you need to prepare yourself for the possibility. Think long and hard about your relationship, use this time apart to think about what you want, the problems you've had in the past, etc. You can be sure he is doing the same thing right now.

 

I know that everything seems dark and painful right now and that may go on for a little while. What you can do is try not to focus so much on him and your relationship. Try to spend time with friends and family. Get out a little bit, watch a movie or find a hobby, do anything you can to try and keep your mind and thoughts occupied. That helps a lot and you will find that time goes by a lot faster when you're not thinking so much about things.

 

Try to relax, it's very hard to do it but it can be done. You can go on because you have for the last couple of weeks and you can go on longer!

 

Just think of how strong you have been and how you've held up the last couple of weeks this has been going on! You will find that you can live without people in your life, you may not want to, but under the circumstances you don't have a choice.

 

Right now, you need to relax, focus on yourself and try to get a little bit of relief from all of this. Have you ever heard the phrase "relief comes in small packages" ? What that means is try to find some kind of escape, for just a little while. WHether it's watching a funny movie or talking to a friend, or reading a book. Try to find some little thing to amuse you and it will help time go by faster. I myself have just been through a horrendous break up. I loved him very much and he broke my heart. I thought it was the end of the world when this happened but I was wrong. I try to laugh at least once a day, either by reading something or talking to a friend or watching a funny movie. Comedy is very helpful, just like crying, laughing can be a big relief.

 

It's also okay to cry. If you feel you need to, don't hold back. You will find that you can get a lot of relief from crying. This is hard and nobody expects you to give up and get over it in a week, that would be ridiculuous. Be patient, be kind to yourself and take care of yourself because you need that right now. Keep talking to your friends and family, always talk to someone if you feel like you need to because that brings it's own relief as well. After I've talked to a friend about my pain I usually feel so relieved, like a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders. So try to take it easy, that's the best advice I can give you right now.

 

I hope this helps, trust Miss Mojo and myself when we tell you it's not the end of the world and you will see. Remember: "This Too Shall Pass".

 

Take care and take it easy.

 

Marz

I am very very sorry for posting this again it's just that i don't know what to do anymore .Please don't be mad or nothing and i hope you wont mind.But i just need help please help me .:-( Ok this is going to be kinda long I'm sorry for writing so much. Anyway well my b/f just got back from Honduras on the 21st. Since he been back he phone in his house has not been working and I am on vacation right now in another state so if he wants to talk to me he has to go to his cousins house to use the computer to E-mail me or call me. Well, in the past I treated him pretty bad and didn't show enough respect for him b/c I been through bad relationships and I wanted to see if he would leave me if I would treat him like that. And also I get mad really quick when I talk to him so well actually me and him had a lot to work out and we both know that. Well, then since he come back he talked to me like 3 times almost every day but four days ago he got every mad at me and I have not heard from him ever since. It was like this I have this best friend and while my b/f was in Honduras he didn't talk to me much b/c I was never home or whatever the reason was. So i told my best friend to send and instant message to my b/f friend who is in Honduras cuz my Spanish is very bad and my b/f friend asked my friend what his name was and my friend asked me what he should say and i told him, to say his name was Kenny (a guy my b/f hates a lot cuz he is always trying to mess up our relationship) maybe I did it b/c I wanted him to get mad, and told him to say that if he doesn't talk to me soon I am going to leave him and get with another guy. And when my b/f come back he got really mad and was like see what your friend Kenny did he was really mad and I told him I don't even talk to Kenny no more, but I didn't tell him that it was my friend not Kenny. So like on Wednesday I was trying to work all the problems out between me and my man. My friend Miguel the one who said he was Kenny is a very good person and he knows everything about me and his relationship and he is the one always telling me to calm down and just chill, so I wanted to go to a private chat room with both of them so he could help me work everything out with my man. But when my b/f got into the room he was very mad he was like why the hell are you talking to Kenny and said that I am playing dumb games so he is out. He didn't even listen to me so I couldn't tell him that it was not Kenny and that I just told him to say it was Kenny. And he though it was Kenny cuz the same s/n that talked to his friend in Honduras was there so he got mad. And it wasn't I have not talked to him ever since it has been 4 days now and I am going crazy I mean I miss him like hell I don't know what is wrong or if he is ok or even if he wants to be with me or not. And he has not even went to his cousins house or whatever to e-mail me or talk to him. And since yesterday his phone is working I think I mean finally there is a dial tone when u call but none seems to be home (he doesn't know it;s me when I call b/c I press *67)I am very worried and I even talked to his friend he told me he has not talked to him. I don't know what to do anymore I mean I miss him like hell I cant think about nothing else I cant sleep at night (lol) b/c I don't know where he is or whatever.

 

Well and then on the 1st he come online and i saw his name on and i sent him an instant messege well and i was like i was crying and all that and why he is huring me and i ,said that me and him needed to talk.And he was like oh really you did and he was like yeah Kim we need to talk .And all over a sudden he left and come back like 30 minutes later.When he come back he was like sorry about that and i asked where he was and he said he was home.So i was like can i call you and does your phone work now and he said yeah it works so call me .Well i called him but i have no idea what is going on nobody picked up i dunno whats wrong with his phone.I have not taleked to him ever since and i am so sad i cant even sleep.Please someone help me i need serious advice