When someone is jealous of you

[mortensorchid]

How do you react if and when you realize that someone is jealous of you?  We have all seen some classic signs of when a person is jealous of another (passive aggressive behaviors - they make snide comments about your achievements, they avoid you, they copy you be they material things or mimicking your literal behaviors like moving to a place where you live thinking that if they did the same things they would have all that you do, etc.).  I have seen some pretty horrific things people have done to one another out of jealousy.  How do you deal with it when you realize that someone is jealous of you?  What if it's a friend? Or relative? 

 

[glows]

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Oscar Wilde.

These are separate issues. Imitation and being abusive. Distance yourself or confront the person if the passive aggressiveness is too much. Communication does wonders. If the person is completely abusive or has a track record, just avoid, period. Why even pander to that or get worked up. 

Regarding jealousy in general I’d have to have a pretty huge ego to think someone is jealous of me and don’t usually go that route. If something doesn’t feel good move on. 

 

[basil67]

I don't think that any of this behaviour is jealousy. 

The person who makes snide comments may be a bully.  Or they may genuinely not like us.  Or both.  Generally speaking, if I feel an urge to make snide comments (I never say them out loud) it's a sign that I need to avoid or limit my time with them because they aren't the right kind of person for me.   

With the copying, a friend may move somewhere we've never thought of -  then we visit and find it's a really lovely area and decide that it's somewhere to consider for our own future.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with this.   With regards to personal styling, I'm the first to admit that I'm hopeless at choosing the right clothes, so I find inspiration from those around me.   As it so happens, I've asked my daughter to come shopping with me in a few weeks to sort out my wardrobe because I'm so inept.  So if I'm taking notes from your styling, it's because I think what you are doing is awesome

Honestly, the act of listing this copying behaviour under the heading of 'horrific' tells me the problem is you.    And I agree with @glows that I've never once considered that someone may do what they do because they are jealous of me.  I'm far to insecure to think this

Edited Saturday at 11:14 PM by basil67

[Els]

2 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

mimicking your literal behaviors like moving to a place where you live thinking that if they did the same things they would have all that you do

I think you'd have to be pretty full of yourself to think that someone is moving to a place that you live just because they're jealous of you.

What exactly do you think you have that nobody else has, and why do you think that people would literally uproot their lives just to live where you are?

[ShyViolet]

I'm not convinced that whoever you're talking about is actually jealous of you... some of what you describe sounds strange, or perhaps that the person simply doesn't like you.  To suggest that someone would literally move to a different place just due to being jealous of you is bizarre and doesn't make sense.  

But anyhow, to answer your question.... I would respond to this in the same way I would respond to anyone who was acting disrespectful and weird towards me.  I would either distance myself from them, stop talking to them, or cut them out of my life completely if possible.

[Gebidozo]

Luckily, I’ve never experienced such kind of jealousy (I think what you’re describing is more of an envy than jealousy). I’ve heard about such cases, but they never happened to me, or perhaps I haven’t noticed.

The closest case was a sort of a professional rivalry that occurred between an ex of mine and myself. I was older and more successful at the same profession, and I felt she wasn’t very happy about being the less successful part of our professional team. Suffice to say that relationship ended for several reasons, this being one of them.

I’d definitely distance myself from a person who is envious of me to such pathological degree. What you’re describing sounds very rare and extreme.

Edited Sunday at 03:02 AM by Gebidozo

[Acacia98]

I believe I've experienced some form of envy. It took me a while to realize that that was likely the emotion underlying the person's treatment of me. Frankly speaking, the realization only came to me years later, when I was no longer active friends with the person. And it was my witnessing another person's experience of something similar that finally opened my eyes. In my case, there was nothing to do. But if I had still been close to the apparently envious person, I would have distanced myself from them.

Edited Sunday at 07:05 AM by Acacia98

[mortensorchid]

I have experienced the mimic behavior indirectly. My mom had this friend for many years who was jealous of her. She would do things as listed in a bad way (not be happy for the accomplishment of others, highlighting her accomplishments over others, buying the same material things that she did, etc.), and she was a mimic as well. My parents decided to pull my sister and I out of public school and put us in a private one (when I was in 4th and my sister in 1st grade), and a few years later she did the same for her kids.  We were in the same classes.  

My father's mother was jealous of her sister and she did everything she did to a T. When the sister bought blue plates, she bough blue plates. The sister got a haircut, she got a haircut. When the sister moved into a new apartment, she moved to the same apartment complex. It was almost ridiculous, but my father's mother was a very, very, very, very odd person who didn't conceal her emotions or feelings or anything from others. 

[mortensorchid]

ANd yes, some of you have asked about the two childhood friends that I had a falling out with. One of those two is the daughter of the above mentioned tale about switching schools. It was one of the most painful, hurtful things that I have ever been through.  It was 25+ years ago now, but it's one of those traumatizing things that you've been through and come out the other side of. 

I think part of me now wonders why my mom maintained the relationship with her the way she did for so long. When I was a little kid or even a big one I didn't have a concept of this and only realized it looking back on things. 

[basil67]

4 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

buying the same material things that she did, etc.), and she was a mimic as well. My parents decided to pull my sister and I out of public school and put us in a private one (when I was in 4th and my sister in 1st grade), and a few years later she did the same for her kids.  We were in the same classes.  

While some of her behaviour is bad,  these examples are not.   The only time one can reasonably make an accusation of copying a material object is if the item was bespoke and copied exactly (and I can't imagine an artisan agreeing to do this anyway).  And I know heaps of people who's kids ended up at the same schools and same classes.   These things really are a big nothing-burger.

Was your grandmother actually jealous, or did she really like the choices of her sister?   The degree of copying you describe is odd, but it really doesn't sound malicious.....just clueless.

 

[Leihla_B]

On 11/16/2024 at 4:08 PM, mortensorchid said:

snide comments about your achievements,

There is nothing about 'snide' that belongs near me, so I'd distance myself from such a person rather than invest in whatever their problem might be.

Quote

they avoid you,

Avoid back and enjoy the distance.

Quote

they copy you

The only people who could copy me would be those I've allowed to be close enough in my life to know much about me. In which case, I'd consider it flattery.

If anyone on my job has copied anything about me, I'd consider that flattery, too. If anyone during school has ever copied me, I'm fine with that if it's not from my papers.

Bottom line: Avoid mean people. Welcome kind people. If kind people imitate you, enjoy that and find something about them that you admire and would like to adopt for yourself. If a mean person copies you? How would you even know if you've kept the right distance?

Head high.

[NuevoYorko]

I also do not agree that these are all indications of jealousy.  Whether they are or are not, none of them are really harmful to you.  Annoying at most, unless it's someone extremely close and important to you in your day to day life.  If that is the case, and you feel it's warranted, you could broach the subject.

Keeping in mind that the person may not be jealous of you.   It seems to be the general consensus here that these actions are not necessarily indicative of jealousy.

[basil67]

I'm currently planning a little tropical getaway.  Some close friends recently went to Fiji and it looked lovely (plus the flight is much shorter than Bali or Thailand) so now I'm thinking of Fiji 

I AM NOT JEALOUS OF THEM! 

[Leihla_B]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

I'm currently planning a little tropical getaway.  Some close friends recently went to Fiji and it looked lovely (plus the flight is much shorter than Bali or Thailand) so now I'm thinking of Fiji 

I AM NOT JEALOUS OF THEM! 

I am jealous of them, and you, but I hope you have a lovely time.