Spicydicey449 Posted November 17 Share Posted November 17 SO, Long story here that I'll try to make short. I'm 29F, I've been dating this guy 30M again for coming on four months and we just made it official. We had dated back in 2021 as well but for a handful of reasons, it just wasn't the right timing. But we remained in touch over the years (sometimes hooking up), but as a whole not able to leave each other alone. So now that we are OFFICIAL, I can barely contain myself. This is literally my dream come true to be back together. The question I have here though pertains to that. I am afraid of being a little too "much". He is very thoughtful and is a gestures guy. I know he cares very much. But not as big on being verbal about it. Whereas I am. Which is fine. I just want to know if you guys would find it to be too much to be with someone who is more affectionate through message. In person we have no issues. And he's never complained. I'm just curious to get your guys opinion. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 17 Share Posted November 17 I was very VERY verbally affectionate to my husband when we met, whereas he's pretty chill. Of course, I did get more chill after we'd hit the six month mark. We've been together since 1992 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 17 Share Posted November 17 1 hour ago, Spicydicey449 said: The question I have here though pertains to that. I am afraid of being a little too "much". He is very thoughtful and is a gestures guy. I know he cares very much. But not as big on being verbal about it. Whereas I am. Which is fine. Is it? Why does this thread exist, then? 1 hour ago, Spicydicey449 said: I just want to know if you guys would find it to be too much to be with someone who is more affectionate through message. Can you explain what you mean, exactly? I am going to guess he doesn't message as much as you would like, or isn't lovey-dovey about it. Is that right? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted November 17 Share Posted November 17 I would find it very annoying, but I guess it's down to personality. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 17 Share Posted November 17 3 hours ago, Spicydicey449 said: The question I have here though pertains to that. I am afraid of being a little too "much". He is very thoughtful and is a gestures guy. I know he cares very much. But not as big on being verbal about it. Whereas I am. Which is fine. I just want to know if you guys would find it to be too much to be with someone who is more affectionate through message. I mean, it depends. How much are we talking about? Are we talking affectionate messages once or twice a day, or more like... 5 messages every hour? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spicydicey449 Posted November 17 Author Share Posted November 17 Like once a day 😂 19 minutes ago, Els said: I mean, it depends. How much are we talking about? Are we talking affectionate messages once or twice a day, or more like... 5 messages every hour? Like once a day 😂 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted November 17 Share Posted November 17 An affectionate message once per day? No, I wouldn’t find that too much at all. How affectionate are your messages? If it’s something like “I’ll never leave you, you are my love forever, please swear the same to me”, then yes, that would be overkill. But normal affectionate messages? Like “Honey, I love you, see you soon”? No, definitely not too much. Does your BF say that it’s too much? If he’s okay with the way you’re expressing your affection, then there is no problem. People are different. He might be chiller than you, that doesn’t mean he loves you any less. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 17 Share Posted November 17 12 hours ago, Spicydicey449 said: SO, Long story here that I'll try to make short. I'm 29F, I've been dating this guy 30M again for coming on four months and we just made it official. We had dated back in 2021 as well but for a handful of reasons, it just wasn't the right timing. But we remained in touch over the years (sometimes hooking up), but as a whole not able to leave each other alone. So now that we are OFFICIAL, I can barely contain myself. This is literally my dream come true to be back together. The question I have here though pertains to that. I am afraid of being a little too "much". He is very thoughtful and is a gestures guy. I know he cares very much. But not as big on being verbal about it. Whereas I am. Which is fine. I just want to know if you guys would find it to be too much to be with someone who is more affectionate through message. In person we have no issues. And he's never complained. I'm just curious to get your guys opinion. If he has never complained then you are asking for something else here. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 17 Share Posted November 17 11 hours ago, Spicydicey449 said: Like once a day 😂 I don’t know anyone who would say that expressing your affection for a man one a day is too much. I feel like there is more to the story here… what are you not telling us OP? Does he not like texting? Will he not say the words “I love you?” Help us to understand your concern… 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 18 Share Posted November 18 On 11/17/2024 at 12:52 AM, Spicydicey449 said: I am afraid of being a little too "much". I would say 'so what'? Do you feel what you have is fragile? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted November 18 Share Posted November 18 Well OP you said he’s a gestures guy so how does he show you he cares? Does he send texts or memes or remember little things about you that matter to you in a day? Does he stick to commitments like calling when he says he’ll call? These are different love languages. He might show you. You might tell him verbally. I don’t think it’s too much to tell him your needs but I also wouldn’t hold it against a person if that’s now how they communicate. Let’s put it this way you SELECTED this man to be your partner knowing who he is. You should never feel like sharing yourself is too much but neither is it fair to expect someone to change knowing some trait is not inherently them. I’m all for openly communicating regardless. And also happy for you in this new stage of your relationship. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted November 18 Share Posted November 18 it sounds like you're telling yourself it doesn't bother you, but deep down you are wondering if he is as into you as you are into him since he doesn't express it as much as you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted November 18 Share Posted November 18 Why do you think receiving a text from you one time per day would be annoying to him, and more importantly - since you're concerned about it, why don't you ask him? Is he responding to the texts, or ignoring them? Is your *real* issue that you'd like him to engage with texting convos "all day every day" which seems to be the norm among a lot of people who post here - though it sounds like a horrible idea to me? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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