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I dated someone messed up, not sure how to heal


unhappyfrog77

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He was a compulsive liar, lied about his age and pretty much everything but I didn’t see that until it was over. He was so charming and manipulative and I feel so full of rage that he treated me that way and I’m not sure how to let go of it all.
Before our second date, the night before he slept with his ex gf and he didn’t tell me. He drove 3 hours to come see me and just before he arrived she sent me a text. After that he begged for me to forgive him and told me she meant nothing to him and that he blocked her on everything and it was a stupid mistake. Of course I’m stupid and forgave him because I look back and I’m embarrassed I had no self respect? Anyway we dated and tbh it was really good for two months but deep down I knew something wasn’t right and I felt like he wasn’t over her. It ended, he admitted he never blocked her and he still had feelings for her and we didn’t speak for 6 weeks and tbh I have been moving on and working on myself but deep down I feel SO much rage whenever I think about how he lied and used me.

A week ago, he randomly added me and started confessing about how he regrets how everything played out and that he misses me and wishes he could talk to me. He asked if he could come see me and I said no, and I told him I’m not stupid and he’s only back because things clearly haven’t worked out with his ex but he was persistent. He said he hasn’t spoke to her and it’s not like that between them. I still said no and I’m not interested but I did feel upset because I wanted it to work badly before.

1 night later, he ends up at his ex gf house again. Spending the weekend with her. He said they’re trying things again and he still loves her. Literally 1 day ago he was begging for me back. I’m glad I didn’t believe it but OMG I feel so much rage that a guy would lie and treat me this way. When I asked what the hell is wrong with him he just laughed and said he doesn’t know and he’s sorry. 

This whole situation has given me so much insecurity and trust issues, I have felt so much built up rage for the longest time now because I just feel like a joke. I want to move on, but I just feel angry. I really cared about this boy at one point and I know it sounds hard to believe. There’s no way I would’ve ever taken him back but why the hell would he lie to me once again when he had her the whole time. I just don’t understand 

Does anyone know why guys do this? What did he get out of messaging me all week when he still loves her. 

Sorry for the rant 

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3 hours ago, unhappyfrog77 said:

Does anyone know why guys do this?

This is not what "guys" do. This is what selfish, inconsiderate people do.

3 hours ago, unhappyfrog77 said:

What did he get out of messaging me all week when he still loves her. 

He wanted to know if you would be around to keep him company if it didn't work out with her. He was trying to set you up to be his Plan B, in other words. It's a miserable way to treat people and fortunately you didn't take the bait the second time around. 

It's normal to feel angry and hurt. But trust your gut next time. You have just learned it's reliable. 

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11 hours ago, unhappyfrog77 said:

Does anyone know why guys do this?

Not guys. Just him and people like him. Why? Because he is insecure, weak, and utterly selfish.

 

11 hours ago, unhappyfrog77 said:

What did he get out of messaging me all week when he still loves her. 

He doesn’t really love her. If he did, he wouldn’t be with you. He just selfishly lines up women to supply him with affection on demand: if it doesn’t work with one, there is always another one.

Some people do that. You shouldn’t feel bad about yourself, this has nothing to do with you. 

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On 11/17/2024 at 10:11 AM, unhappyfrog77 said:

Does anyone know why guys do this?

Whether it's a man or a woman, liars lie. When someone lies about something as significant as their loyalty, why would it be surprising that they'll do it again?

I hope you'll be kind to yourself. I would decide whether I will use this experience to my advantage by gaining confidence from its lesson, or will I misuse it to harm myself?

I vote for gaining the benefit of learning that when someone shows me who they are, I will believe what I see the first time.

Head high.

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